how often do you poo?

[running with scissors]

i'm a once everyday pooer, usually. sometimes once every other day. how bout you?

how low can this forum go? let's find out.

[ 08-05-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>

[pscates]

"Mission Control, initiate countdown...T minus 5, 4, 3..."

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[EDIT: above countdown refers to how long until this thread is locked. IS NOT an answer to the original topic began by running with scissors!!! Whew...]

[ 08-05-2002: Message edited by: pscates ]</p>

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by pscates:
<strong>"Mission Control, initiate countdown...T minus 5, 4, 3..."

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>

is that how you poo, you give the old "t minus..." routine? nice technique.

[Jambo]

Usually once every day, pretty regular.

I'd like to know why some guys take a newspaper in there with them :eek: Does it really take them that long??

J :cool:

[pscates]

[quote]Originally posted by running with scissors:
<strong>

is that how you poo, you give the old "t minus..." routine? nice technique.</strong><hr></blockquote>

OHMIGOSH! I should clarify...yikes! That "countdown" thing was a reference to how long it'll take for this thread to get locked.

Oh man. THAT didn't quite come across in the way I intended...

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

Again, there is no NASA-esque goings-on in my bathroom. I repeat. Please don't take that as such.

:p

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>Usually once every day, pretty regular.

I'd like to know why some guys take a newspaper in there with them :eek: Does it really take them that long??

J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>

i take quite a while, generally. at least 5-15 mins. maybe i need to get more fiber in my diet.

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by running with scissors:
<strong>

i take quite a while, generally. at least 5-15 mins. maybe i need to get more fiber in my diet.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Wow, I'm in and outta there in less than a minute, maybe I drink too much fresh OJ :D

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by pscates:
<strong>

OHMIGOSH! I should clarify...yikes! That "countdown" thing was a reference to how long it'll take for this thread to get locked.

Oh man. THAT didn't quite come across in the way I intended...

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

Again, there is no NASA-esque goings-on in my bathroom. I repeat. Please don't take that as such.

:p </strong><hr></blockquote>

what the hell, i figure if jamie can start a thread on masturbation, why not one on poo? don't be ashamed about your technique, what ever gets the job done.

;)

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>

Wow, I'm in and outta there in less than a minute, maybe I drink too much fresh OJ :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

could be coffee too. i hear that will get you flowing.

[_ alliance _]

my thread is criticized and gets locked, but this one is let alone and even embraced by the moderators...??
ok... :rolleyes:

[pscates]

It's all in the presentation.

[ijerry]

I poo everday, right when I wake up so that when I take a shower my bunghole is clean and there are no clingons.

Anyway, really don't like the ones that you have to shake off, you know the ones, they just sit there dangling, holding on for dear life so you have to wiggle them in the toilet. Or the ones that come half way out and then stop for no reason. then you are stuck there for longer than you wanted, and it is usually on a day when you are running late.

Well, all in all, I say a good 5-10 min. does me good, but it could be shorter or longer depending on how much mexican food I have been eating.

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by _ alliance _:
<strong>my thread is criticized and gets locked, but this one is let alone and even embraced by the moderators...??
ok... :rolleyes: </strong><hr></blockquote>

Ok, let's say I cam in here and locked the thread. You or someone else would head of to Suggestions and do your "Jamie was bad, Jamie is evil" thing. Now I reply in a thread and am criticized for that!! Loose loose situation <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />

And just because I reply doesn't mean I embrace it. We all poo, man. Deal with it.

Jamie

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>

Ok, let's say I cam in here and locked the thread. You or someone else would head of to Suggestions and do your "Jamie was bad, Jamie is evil" thing. Now I reply in a thread and am criticized for that!! Loose loose situation <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />

And just because I reply doesn't mean I embrace it. We all poo, man. Deal with it.

Jamie</strong><hr></blockquote>

jamie is one wth the poo. :cool:

[_ alliance _]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>

Ok, let's say I cam in here and locked the thread. You or someone else would head of to Suggestions and do your "Jamie was bad, Jamie is evil" thing. Now I reply in a thread and am criticized for that!! Loose loose situation <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />

And just because I reply doesn't mean I embrace it. We all poo, man. Deal with it.

Jamie</strong><hr></blockquote>


maybe you and yer gang shouldnt go around locking threads or criticizing the content so harshly and then you wouldnt be in a "lose-lose" situation...


yes, we all poo. but we all think too. deal with it.

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by _ alliance _:
<strong>

maybe you and yer gang shouldnt go around locking threads or criticizing the content so harshly and then you wouldnt be in a "lose-lose" situation...

yes, we all poo. but we all think too. deal with it.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Hey, a man can have a "loose loose" situation if he likes <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> (It's late here)

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>

Hey, a man can have a "loose loose" situation if he likes <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> (It's late here)</strong><hr></blockquote>

jamie, don't take any shit from him.

you know i had to do it. i couldn't resist :)

[LoCash]

Actually, if you add too much fiber to your diet, it should take you longer to poo. Not having enough fiber in your diet gives you "the runs" as I have heard them called. They're quick, but messy... whereas with a lot of fiber, you have to work on it for a while sometimes.

I usually take in some reading material, I mean, I've got nothing better to do. Usually the latest Colorado Cyclist catalog... I'm currently shopping for a new 700C wheelset ;)

[RodUK]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>Usually once every day, pretty regular.

I'd like to know why some guys take a newspaper in there with them :eek: Does it really take them that long??

J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>

I thought the newspaper was to save on toilet paper. Talking of which, how many sheets do you use ? Do you use both sides or just the one ? Do you turn your underwear inside out when it gets a bit soiled, to prolong the time between washes ?

Hmmm, you're right, it is getting a bit late over here.
<img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />

[ 08-05-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</p>

[ZO]

LOL funny thread :D

A MONTH without poo???? Good LORD!!! Did you JUST have water or something? That just aint right.

As to the question, usually once a day. around 5 minutes sounds right. I tend to think of huge battles and war when I go :p *bbbooooom! pow!!! bang!!!!*

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by ZO:
<strong>I tend to think of huge battles and war when I go :p *bbbooooom! pow!!! bang!!!!*</strong><hr></blockquote>

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> I find this quite disturbing, but I will try it, maybe it will make me poo even quicker.

J :cool:

[RodUK]

[quote]Originally posted by ZO:
<strong> I tend to think of huge battles and war when I go :p *bbbooooom! pow!!! bang!!!!*</strong><hr></blockquote>

Its funny you should say that. The other day I had a bog blocking terd the size of a nuclear submarine! No kidding!!

[EmAn]

I spend ALOT of time in the bathroom. Right away when Macworld, MacAddict, Sports Illustrated, and the other magazines I get in the mail come they go into the bathroom. That's where I get all my reading done.

One day I'll probably end up bringing my iBook with me and post here :D

[Willoughby]

You should be going once or twice a day. If you're not going at least everyday, you've got some problems. Seriously.

You shouldn't have to...ahem...force. You also shouldn't have enough time to read anything.

From the sound of it, Jamie, you're pretty healthy. Do they float or sink?

Floaters not sinkers! The more compacted they are, the harder it is to go, which means your insides need some cleaning.

I'm not trying to be gross or anything, these are facts. Digestive health is very important. You guys sound like you need more raw vegetables in your diet :cool:

[Crusader]

OMG: This is the one of the funniest threads I have ever read!
[quote] Anyway, really don't like the ones that you have to shake off, you know the ones, they just sit there dangling, holding on for dear life so you have to wiggle them in the toilet. Or the ones that come half way out and then stop for no reason. then you are stuck there for longer than you wanted, and it is usually on a day when you are running late. <hr></blockquote>
ROTFLOL! :D
So true!
I "enjoy" the experince of pooing. I go every 3-4 days, and when I go I tend to grab a thick book like "The Macintosh Bible" and I can be in there for up to 25 minutes. It's sorta like a feeling of bliss you get once you drop the first one and just let the others slowly move through your system. I do have to admit though some of them hang on forever, but I have never tried "shaking" them loose. As for fresh veggies, I only eat about a bag of carrots every three days. Another question do you leave a "present" for the next ocupent of the room/stall (no not that! I mean smell)? Some people, jeez, it has the potental to kill the entire population of a small country! I tend to leave the smells of the bathroom untouched.

[I-bent-my-wookie]

[quote]Originally posted by running with scissors:
<strong>i'm a once everday pooer, usually. sometimes once every other day. how bout you?

how low can this forum go? let's find out.

[ 08-05-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

I just engaged in a fascinating conversation with my friend Karla about this very fact. She is a health-concious individual and she had heard from a couple of "health-experts" (take that with a grain of salt) that you should be crapping 3 times a day...

of course one of the experts was also pushing 'colon-cleansing' supplements/implements...

[Outsider]

http://www.gbronline.com/tnye/christmas/images/mrhanky.gif

[Patchouli]

'Poo'? <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />

[Eugene]

I poo at least once a day...

[Ebby]

[quote]Originally posted by EmAn:
<strong>One day I'll probably end up bringing my iBook with me and post here :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

Beat you to it! (I love Airport.)

PS: Don't spend too much time surfing the web, you still have a job to do. ;)

[Matsu]

Excellent thread.

Every morning, every night. Like a clock. And they're huge too! When I get a digital camera I'll post a pic for you.

[EmAn]

[quote]Originally posted by Matsu:
<strong>Excellent thread.

Every morning, every night. Like a clock. And they're huge too! When I get a digital camera I'll post a pic for you.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Yes! I wanna see a pic! :D

[_ alliance _]

[quote]Originally posted by M3D Jack:
<strong>Actually, if you add too much fiber to your diet, it should take you longer to poo. Not having enough fiber in your diet gives you "the runs" as I have heard them called. They're quick, but messy... whereas with a lot of fiber, you have to work on it for a while sometimes.

</strong><hr></blockquote>

actually, its just the opposite. since fiber is not digestible, it shoots right through. and if you dont get enuff fiber, u get constipated. this is why people who eat more greens (fiber) shit easier. it creates the secretion of a lubricant in the digestive system while it goes through. foods w/ alot of fiber are natural laxatives. so keep a good habit of at least eating some fiber in yer diet. dont eat just all meat, or you will get constipated... <img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Chilling]" />

[TigerWoods99]

Dare I say greatest thread ever? :D

Hmm...I took a dump earlier today. Now my dad, he goes to the bathroom like 24/7.

Here's a question: How many of you do it in public bathrooms? I will NEVER do a #2 in a public restroom.

[EmAn]

[quote]Originally posted by TigerWoods99:
<strong>Dare I say greatest thread ever? :D

Hmm...I took a dump earlier today. Now my dad, he goes to the bathroom like 24/7.

Here's a question: How many of you do it in public bathrooms? I will NEVER do a #2 in a public restroom.</strong><hr></blockquote>

I don't like to go in public bathrooms, but if I have to I will. Since I don't have anything to read in public bathrooms I play Snake on my cell phone :D

[EmAn's Mom]

[quote]Originally posted by EmAn:
<strong>I spend ALOT of time in the bathroom.</strong><hr></blockquote>

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

Don't think for one minute that I don't know what's going on young man.

:mad:

[ijerry]

The public restroom thing is my most hated dilema. It is fine once I use half of the roll of toilet paper to cover the seat. But it seems that I always go in to the bathroom when it is empty and I can concentrate on my turd. But right when I start to "turtle" someone walks in and then my turd follows. I could kick those bastards sometimes for walking in on me right at the point of release. Its as if my sphincter gets startled or something and doesn't continue with its job and lets that turd back in. Another bad thing is that the toilet paper in the public stalls tears my ass up good, and more or less just smears it around a little so that for the rest of my stay my ass itches. That is why I started carrying around tucks pads, because they clean you up right after a public restroom stop and your ass is once again clean and does not itch. Just a pointer for those of you who have the same prob.

[Jonathan]

Please try to keep the language in here slightly higher than it is currently.

I don't enjoy the word 'turd'.

[EmAn]

[quote]Originally posted by EmAn's Mom:
<strong>

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

Don't think for one minute that I don't know what's going on young man.

:mad: </strong><hr></blockquote>

Come on mom, you know that after I come out of my bathroom it always stinks, so I'm not doing what you think I am!

[alcimedes]

[quote]yes, we all poo. but we all think too. deal with it.

<hr></blockquote>

in some cases they are remarkably similar.

i hate to poo in public places. have certain toilets i use, go there every time i can. just have to make sure you're regular then. :D

[brokenphone]

I poo everytime I hear the words: 'Hey, you! Those bags don't go there!.'

[ijerry]

sorry, I will use poo from here on out.

[Eugene]

http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~ceugene/photos/fecescheck.jpg

[Patchouli]

There is something disturbing about a group of adults using the word 'poo'. To me, it's like saying 'I have to make'. I guess I am alone on this one. <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" /> <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[alcimedes]

i am a poo champion.

:D

[LoCash]

[quote]Originally posted by alcimedes:
<strong>

in some cases they are remarkably similar.

i hate to poo in public places. have certain toilets i use, go there every time i can. just have to make sure you're regular then. :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

about the certain toilets, I agree. At the SMFA, I always use the corner toilet on the third floor by the painting studios. That bathroom has these wonderful skylights... and the painters seem mostly harmless...

[RodUK]

[quote]Originally posted by ijerry:
<strong>The public restroom thing is my most hated dilema. It is fine once I use half of the roll of toilet paper to cover the seat.</strong><hr></blockquote>

What a waste of toilet paper! Why not squat? Its quite an art form, hovering as close as possible to the toilet seat without actually touching it. As an added bonus, it also tones and strengthens your leg muscles. I use just a small amount of paper down the toilet itself, to avoid any splash back and to soften the noise from the additional launch height.

[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</p>

[ibub]

i poo once a day. which i've heard is pretty normal. as for the pooing in public a public place. what is the deal there? i have never
thought that people would have a problem with pooing in public. it has never seemed odd to me and i've never had a problem with it. it had come to my attention in the past year that it's somewhat abnormal to be ok with it. why do people have problems with it?

it also takes me way under five minutes to poo. i'd say under two even, if not, right about two. what do you guys do in there?

for the record... i can't believe this is a thread (and i also can't believe i just posted in it!) too funny <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />

[Jambo]

For your information:

I've just done a poo and it took 00:02:46.

Anyone care to try and beat that? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

J :cool:

[Artman @_@]

Huh? Who would weigh their shit? HOW would you weigh it. Should one ask for the services of a trained shit weigher?

Anyways, I am pretty much regular and my shit is usually semi hard and stinky...

I'm outta here...starting to smell... <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by Artman @_@:
<strong>Huh? Who would weigh their shit? HOW would you weigh it. Should one ask for the services of a trained shit weigher?
</strong><hr></blockquote>

You could weigh yourself pre-poo and post-poo and then subtract the difference??

[ibub]

oh man jamie, i could definitely beat that!

[running with scissors]

got this in an email from my sister-in-law. what can i say, poop is big in our family. enjoy...


HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>

[RodUK]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>For your information:

I've just done a poo and it took 00:02:46.

Anyone care to try and beat that? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>

I think we need to establish a few parameters, a start line and finishing tape, so we are competing on a level playing field.

Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and toilet flushing time into consideration ?

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</p>

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by RodUK:
<strong>

Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and flushing time into consideration ?
</strong><hr></blockquote>

I timed it from leaving desk to arriving back at desk. The bathroom is next door to my office.

J :cool:

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by RodUK:
<strong>

I think we need to establish a few parameters, a start line and finishing tape, so we are competing on a level playing field.

Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and toilet flushing time into consideration ?

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

another concern is are you timing yourself or do you have a poo buddie to help you?

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by running with scissors:
<strong>

another concern is are you timing yourself or do you have a poo buddie to help you?</strong><hr></blockquote>

No "poo buddy" <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[RodUK]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>

I timed it from leaving desk to arriving back at desk. The bathroom is next door to my office.

J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>

And were you on any illegal substances, All Bran for example, to improve your performance ?
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by RodUK:
<strong>

And were you on any illegal substances, All Bran for example, to improve your performance ?
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>

good point. we may have to appoint a body of judges to perform "doping" test to ensure that everbody is playing fair, like in the olympics.

:)

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by RodUK:
<strong>

And were you on any illegal substances, All Bran for example, to improve your performance ?
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Today I have consumed:

6 x Cup of Coffee (One sugar, full-fat milk)
1 x Cherry Tomato and Rocket Pasta

J :cool:

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>

Today I have consumed:

6 x Cup of Coffee (One sugar, full-fat milk)
1 x Cherry Tomato and Rocket Pasta

J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>

6 cups of coffee! egads man, no wonder.

coffee = poo express

[alcimedes]

plus Jamie always shaves off time by not wiping....

:D

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by running with scissors:
<strong>

6 cups of coffee! egads man, no wonder.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Yeah and it's not even 3.30pm here yet, someone's just walking in now with number 7.

[quote]Originally posted by alcimedes:
<strong>plus Jamie always shaves off time by not wiping....
</strong><hr></blockquote>

Stop giving all of my secrets away! :eek:

[Artman @_@]

Awjeez...you made me go on Google... :D

Shit List From <a href="http://www.smeg.co.uk/poo.htm" target="_blank">http://www.smeg.co.uk/poo.htm</a>

The Amphibian Turd
This rare turd is so long that half of it is sticking out of the water. The only way to get it to flush is to break it up into small pieces with the nearest stick-like object, usually someone's toothbrush.

The Farty Turd
This shit comes accompanied with numerous farts and squeaks. It usually happens at work with your boss in the next cubical.

The Teflon Turd
This non-stick shit comes out so clean, you don't need any toilet paper.

The Marker Turd
This thick soft turd leaves a trail of skid mark type evidence in the bowl, but it usually only happens around your mother-in-law's house.

The Second-Coming Turd
You know how it is, you've finished, you wipe-up, you pull up your trousers, then you need to go again..

The Sticky Turd
This shit is so sticky, you use up a whole roll of arse-wipe and then eventually have to use the shower hose to get it clean.

The Garden Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, and it's already half way out. Only one option - Dump it in the back yard.

The Million Dollar Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, it's already half way out, and you have no garden. This is the turd you would pay a million dollars to drop.

The Phantom Turd
You felt it come out, but when you look down, there's no turd in the pan.

The Sweetcorn Turd
You've been eating plenty of sweetcorn so your turd looks like a brown version of a corn-on-the-cob.

The Peanut Turd
You've been eating lots of peanuts, and you can feel them when you wipe-up.

The Upper class Turd
It doesn't matter what this guy's eaten, his shit don't stink.

The Red-Eye Turd
Man - this turd is at least twice the size of your areshole. It's so big you have to call a midwife to help with the delivery. Your eyes turn red, you scream in terror as you feel sure this one will rip you in half before it hits the water. When you wipe your arse, along with the poo, there is a whole heap of blood as well.

The Napalm Turd
It sticks and it burns. This merciless killer is fired from high above and destroys a wide area in one hit. In case of contact with skin, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical attention.

The Unconscious Turd
After a night down the pub, you fall drunkenly asleep on a park bench. You wake up in the morning to find a turd in your pants.

The Exploding Head Turd
You strain and you squeeze, you squeeze and you strain, you need a pair of forceps to get it out before your head explodes.

The Fountain Turd
This bog-rocket shoots out your arse like a Scud missile, and sends a high-powered jet of water upwards which instinctively hits you right in the ring-piece.

The Feminist Turd
It doesn't matter how it comes out or what it looks like, it's always a man's fault.

The Floater
Flush after flush, this bugger refuses to die. The only way to get rid of it is to pick it up and toss it out the window.

The Immortal Turd
You walk into a public toilet, there is only one cubical and you come face to face with the previous occupant's floater! What do you do? You can't dump on top of it because you might do a 'fountain' contaminated with other persons turd-wash. So you spend the next 10 minuets trying to flush someone else's turd that wont die.

The Liquid Turd
This is not a turd, it's more of a brown-tinged transparent oily type substance that squirts over your arse-cheeks, the seat, the rim, everywhere except into the water.

The Machine-Gun Turd
This turd is essentially a liquid turd, except for the periodic interruption of the solid lumps shooting out in a rhythmic pattern.

The Coil Turd
A very long and continuous soft turd, about the width of a pencil which coils up at the bottom of the pan. Usually accompanied by a soft whimper from the poor unfortunate donator.

The Surprise Turd
This turd only occurs in places where there are no toilets, and no possible way of cleaning yourself. You think it's just a fart, but then that’s the surprise.

The Klingon Turd
This turd clings to your ring-piece no matter how much you shake and jump up and down. Even 'biting' at it with you sphincter muscle won't shake it loose.

The Alien Turd
You look down and say "No way did that come from my arse!". All the evidence is there but you still refuse to believe that you could have dropped such a strange looking turd.

The Two-Part Turd
You shit so much that you have to flush and then carry on shitting.

The Pebble Turd
You strain for hours, but all you can get out is one tiny little pebble sized plop.

The Peek-a-Boo Turd
You get this turd half way out, then it shoots straight back inside.

You may want to browse these fine and informative Poo sites too:

<a href="http://www.ratemypoo.com/" target="_blank">http://www.ratemypoo.com/</a>

<a href="http://www.poopreport.com/" target="_blank">http://www.poopreport.com/</a>

[RodUK]

Thought For The Day

Constipation is the thief of time, diarrhoea waits for no man.

<img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />

[Mediaman]

Er 'running with scissors' the name 'TURD BURGLAR' from Your Office list, also has another meaning (in the UK at least).

[Thoth2]

[quote]Originally posted by M3D Jack:
<strong>Actually, if you add too much fiber to your diet, it should take you longer to poo. Not having enough fiber in your diet gives you "the runs" as I have heard them called. They're quick, but messy... whereas with a lot of fiber, you have to work on it for a while sometimes.

I usually take in some reading material, I mean, I've got nothing better to do. Usually the latest Colorado Cyclist catalog... I'm currently shopping for a new 700C wheelset ;) </strong><hr></blockquote>

One to 2 times a day. Its a balancing act w/ the fiber and what kind is important. Not enough and you can also b/c constipated. Too much and you get the runs (eat about 1lb of dried apricots and see what happens).
I read on the can. Its my favorite place to go and get some good "quiet time."

Off topic, but I want to give a fellow cyclist some advice: Anyway, as for wheels - I really really recommend you get Campy Eurus wheels. They are lighter and stiffer than Ksyrium's, more aero and are about the same $$. They are shimano and campy compatible. You can get them from totalcycling.com for much less than colorado cyclist (I got mine for a little less more than $500 compared to $700+ from CC.)
Thoth

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by Mediaman:
<strong>Er 'running with scissors' the name 'TURD BURGLAR' from Your Office list, also has another meaning (in the UK at least).</strong><hr></blockquote>

i see where your going with that i think. best left to another thread. i'll leave that up to you.

:)

that reminds me, however, of another phrase a bloak i met from your neck of the woods told me back in my bartending days in school. we were talking about how much we both liked indian food but that it was just as spicey coming out as it was going in. his term for the poo related burning caused by spicey food was "ring sting". cracks me up.

[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>

[running with scissors]

by the way, i just had a poo and it took my usual 15 min.
just thought i'd keep you updated.

[leviathan]

when the sh1t€'s a commin' i'm a runnin'

[tmp]

2 or 3 times a day. But I take a fibre suppliment, so I'm not sure that counts.

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by tmp:
<strong>2 or 3 times a day. But I take a fibre suppliment, so I'm not sure that counts.</strong><hr></blockquote>

that's a lot of poo.

in need to start taking some of that stuff as well. helps avoid problems later on i hear. what do you use?

[tmp]

Psyllium husk in gelcaps. I get mine at Whole Foods (I don't know if that chain is in Texas) but you can get a similar one at <a href="http://www.gnc.com/productDetails.asp?id=725621" target="_blank">GNC</a>.

I just checked and <a href="http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/company/texas.html" target="_blank">Whole Foods is in Texas</a>.

The product is called "<a href="http://www.healthplusinc.com/" target="_blank">Super Colon Cleanse</a>"

[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: tmp ]</p>

[_ alliance _]

just eat some grass and leaves... :D

[running with scissors]

[quote]Originally posted by _ alliance _:
<strong>just eat some grass and leaves... :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

is that what aggies do? :D

[xionja]

just go for horse treats they taste yummier than lawn fertilizers :D

[ZO]

GOOD LORD Ive been reading this thread so much that I've started to say "poo" instead of sh1t!!! I just told a friend he was a lying sack of poo! We laughed a lot ofter a few seconds of me saying that. Poo head. Tehehe... Im going insane.

Hey Jamie, Im sure you 'speed pooed' cause you used my 'war and battle' tactics, eh? ;)

[MGossett]

Back on topic...

I usually go about once a day, sometimes more (depends on what I ate). Regarding reading material...I almost ALWAYS read on the can, except at school of course. One thing that's off limits though...library books or books that belong to other people. No way I'll read those on the can.

[quote]Originally posted by xionja:
<strong>just go for horse treats they taste yummier than lawn fertilizers :D </strong><hr></blockquote>

Xionja-

I noticed you're from Ithaca too. Cool. I'll be a senior at IHS next year.

-Mike

[_ alliance _]

[quote]Originally posted by running with scissors:
<strong>

is that what aggies do? :D </strong><hr></blockquote>


no, thats what ruminants do.

[Giaguara]

[quote]Originally posted by Jamie:
<strong>For your information:

I've just done a poo and it took 00:02:46.

Anyone care to try and beat that? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>

if i drink a glass of milk before do u accuse me of doping then?? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

[Rozmario]

First of all hi everybody, i thougth this was a good tread to start posting.
I think that doping for me is a capuccino and a cigarette, it really does help me.

[Giaguara]

Lol Welcome Rozmario :p :D :)

I was just having some doping.. i mean a cappuccino :D :p <img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Chilling]" />

[Jambo]

[quote]Originally posted by ZO:
<strong>
Hey Jamie, Im sure you 'speed pooed' cause you used my 'war and battle' tactics, eh? ;) </strong><hr></blockquote>

Yeah, it worked like a dream, ZO. Thanks! :)

Welcome to AI Rozmario, nice thread to starting posting in <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />

J :cool:

[ 08-07-2002: Message edited by: Jamie ]</p>

[Giaguara]

http://hackersplayground.org/humor/winme_file_transfer.gif

:D

[Spart]

Heh...cansel.

[groverat]

In light of the new posting guidelines, this beloved thread must die a quick and painful death.

YUO ARE LOKED!1!!
http://www.neto.com/vikkib/locks/megalock.jpg

[chickenchowmein]

i poo at least 3 times a day usually, nearly every time i go for a wee i push one out! but it never takes more than a minute and it never really smells either! is that normal?

[bclapper]

Woah dude, a super 5 year bump to tell us when you visit the toilet - on your 1st post! :???: