Sure just remember that you are the leader of the family. (From my Christian perspective of course)
By leader I don't mean bossing someone around leader, I mean leader by example and actions. (Especially actions like loving, caring, sacrificing, being tender, being responsible, etc.)
Second thing would be to immediately find and read several books about money and finance. Love makes the world go round but most marriage fights are about tight finances. So make a budget, learn to stick to it and realize that if you give an inch in it, she will likely take the mile (or cm and km in your part of the world.)
Learn to let the petty stuff go by the wayside. There will be times when you have the urge to argue with or confront one another about stupid little things or habits that each of you has. Which day to do the laundry, which shelf the cereal belongs on, who drives which car, etc etc.
Don't let that stuff cause tension between you because there will be enough other things to do that (like the afore-mentioned finances).
Also, whatever you do, don't spoil your kid(s). It'll end up biting you in the ass -- over and over again -- if you do. This means teaching them from a very young age (say 2 or 3) to start doing things for themselves. When the kid says "mommy give book", don't "give book", politely show the kid how to walk over to the table and pick it up him/herself. When the kid says "mine" you stop and teach them the meaning of the word "share" until they don't say "mine" anymore. You get the idea...little things like that can make a huge difference later on.
When they get a little older (5 or 6), start a system of simple chores and allowances so when they go to the grocery store or video store with you, they quickly learn the value of money. If junior wants the Chocolate-frosted Sugar Bombs cereal, make him buy it / pay for half. That will quickly quell the "grocery store brat" syndrome.
You can spoil em a little on their birthdays and Christmas (if you celebrate it) but don't do it the other 363 days a year. In my opinion the reason most young kids are so incredibly bratty and mentally lazy now, is because their parents spoiled the crap out of them from day 1.
At some point in the last 20 years there was a back-lash against the strict, overly formal parenting a lot of us had as kids. And instead of taking a more moderate approach, all the parents went WAY overboard in the other direction, often confusing "nuturing and kind" with "total patsy / sucker". The mantra was "I don't want to be like Mom and Dad were to me", so instead they let their kids get away with murder, and the excuse is always "they're just kids, leave them be...blah blah". Don't be one of those parents. You can be kind to and demanding of your kids at the same time - they're not mutually exclusive.
Oh by the way, don't forget to always leave some time each month for the two of you to go somewhere and have a little fun. I don't care how many kids you end up having (that's what grandparents, good neighbors, and reliable aunts and uncles are for). Take a short road trip, go to an amusement park, take a long bike ride - whatever suits you. Don't let everyone and everything but your spouse eat all your time. No matter how urgent that project at work is, it still doesn't mean squat compared to your spouse. Don't forget that (as people often do).
PS - I'm not married so according to Scott you shouldn't take seriously anything I just said. I'll let you decide which "advice" makes more sense.
Wait until the Apple Store opens in Amsterdam and get married there! It would be the first Apple Store wedding in the first Non-US Apple Store!
Good luck anyway wormboy, I hope all goes well
J :cool:
PS I hope for your new wife's sake that your username has nothing to do with the size of your wedding tackle <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />
Stay honest. Stay open. Avoid the mindgames and nonsense. Don't make mountains out of every molehill. Choose your battles. Kiss her frequently. Hold her hand when she least expects it. Do something sweet and kind out of the blue, just because. Don't hold grudges. Don't take her or the marriage for granted. Don't assume ANYTHING: just because you finally "landed" her, that doesn't mean the work is over and you coast for the next 50 years...you work at a good marriage EVERY SINGLE DAY. Treat her with respect. Learn to recognize when she needs her space and time. Then learn to recognize when she needs you there beside her. Take showers together every now and then and have fun with it. Same with baths. Take out the garbage and don't be a dick about it. Help with household chores...hold up YOUR end of the deal. When you say you're going to do something, DO IT...don't be a professional bullshitter. Don't be petty. Don't go to bed mad. Don't cheat. Don't be a jerk. Don't compare her to other women, famous or otherwise. Respect her feelings...if SHE thinks she's fat or ugly or is having a bad hair day, it's your job to tell her she's full of it and that she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Frequent cuddling and spooning is always nice. Be there for her when she needs you most. Act like a man. Not a CAVEman, but a man...but don't be a wispy, spineless twit either. There's a nice comfortable middle ground in there somewhere.
And yes, I'm speaking from heartfelt, real-life experience. I've learned a lot the past five years, and if I followed some of my own advice and "rules" above, I wouldn't be a 33-year-old divorced guy.
Comments
By leader I don't mean bossing someone around leader, I mean leader by example and actions. (Especially actions like loving, caring, sacrificing, being tender, being responsible, etc.)
Second thing would be to immediately find and read several books about money and finance. Love makes the world go round but most marriage fights are about tight finances. So make a budget, learn to stick to it and realize that if you give an inch in it, she will likely take the mile (or cm and km in your part of the world.)
Nick
Don't let that stuff cause tension between you because there will be enough other things to do that (like the afore-mentioned finances).
Also, whatever you do, don't spoil your kid(s). It'll end up biting you in the ass -- over and over again -- if you do. This means teaching them from a very young age (say 2 or 3) to start doing things for themselves. When the kid says "mommy give book", don't "give book", politely show the kid how to walk over to the table and pick it up him/herself. When the kid says "mine" you stop and teach them the meaning of the word "share" until they don't say "mine" anymore. You get the idea...little things like that can make a huge difference later on.
When they get a little older (5 or 6), start a system of simple chores and allowances so when they go to the grocery store or video store with you, they quickly learn the value of money. If junior wants the Chocolate-frosted Sugar Bombs cereal, make him buy it / pay for half. That will quickly quell the "grocery store brat" syndrome.
You can spoil em a little on their birthdays and Christmas (if you celebrate it) but don't do it the other 363 days a year. In my opinion the reason most young kids are so incredibly bratty and mentally lazy now, is because their parents spoiled the crap out of them from day 1.
At some point in the last 20 years there was a back-lash against the strict, overly formal parenting a lot of us had as kids. And instead of taking a more moderate approach, all the parents went WAY overboard in the other direction, often confusing "nuturing and kind" with "total patsy / sucker". The mantra was "I don't want to be like Mom and Dad were to me", so instead they let their kids get away with murder, and the excuse is always "they're just kids, leave them be...blah blah". Don't be one of those parents. You can be kind to and demanding of your kids at the same time - they're not mutually exclusive.
[ 07-13-2002: Message edited by: Moogs ]</p>
PS - I'm not married so according to Scott you shouldn't take seriously anything I just said. I'll let you decide which "advice" makes more sense.
[ 07-13-2002: Message edited by: Moogs ]</p>
Wait until the Apple Store opens in Amsterdam and get married there! It would be the first Apple Store wedding in the first Non-US Apple Store!
Good luck anyway wormboy, I hope all goes well
J :cool:
PS I hope for your new wife's sake that your username has nothing to do with the size of your wedding tackle <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />
Good luck and I wish you many years of happiness.
Believe me...I'm not making that stuff up, okay?
[ 07-13-2002: Message edited by: pscates ]</p>
<strong>My advice: Stop reading this f--king message and get married.</strong><hr></blockquote>
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
[ 07-13-2002: Message edited by: Moogs ]</p>
And congratulations!
[ 07-13-2002: Message edited by: Artman @_@ ]</p>
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
only joking - congratulations and good luck dude!
<strong>a few real pictures tomorrow... at mac.com</strong><hr></blockquote>
OMG. Did you actually come back and post here after the wedding??! :eek:
New wife: I love you, let's go to bed.
Wormboy: Ok, just let me post on AI first.
<img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />
<strong>
OMG. Did you actually come back and post here after the wedding??! :eek:
New wife: I love you, let's go to bed.
Wormboy: Ok, just let me post on AI first.
<img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>
I was wondering about that myself. If this is the case, I give them 6 months.
<strong>
I was wondering about that myself. If this is the case, I give them 6 months.</strong><hr></blockquote>
I give 'em 6 weeks!