Calling Erstwhile Jamie (if you're there o' course)
Jamie. How are ye man?!
Tae cut a lang story short I was doon in your fair toon last nicht, working at a well-known DIY store in the Sanquhar Farm Road. Nae sooner had I arrived in the shop tae start my night shift - rearranging the plumbing, gas and lavatory fittings aisle - than a vision o' grace and comliness such as mortal eye should ne'er behold, drifted by wi' a clip board heading towards paints and gairden furniture. Oor eyes met briefly and I gie'd her a wee wink as if tae say 'This could be your lucky nicht', but tae her credit she kept her composure and continued on her way withoot any sign o' the raging fires that my wee look must hae kindled within, lady that she is. But for my part I became a man enchanted; bewildered and transfixed like a moth afore a flame; swept up in her lang fragrant tresses o' purest Titian softness and carried awa' by her charm and tight black breeks.
Thereafter my joints were loosed and my spanners - once proud emblems o' steely craft and manhood - but fey distractions in my trembling haunds. The glittering brass and chrome piping hitherto sae bricht and desirable, tarnished tae a dull and worthless dross and the musical chime o' copper on copper dulled tae an irksome clatter. I regret tae say that even the cunningly crafted reverse flow valves and wooden toilet seats ceased tae hold ony worth for me and a' the fittings and accessories that I once held sae dear I now reckon but worthless dross.
Who is this reed heidit lassie? I must find her soon or lose my mind! When ye next see her in DIY or sitting aroond Burns Square please direct her tae Mac Castle that I may again behold her exquisite flame-heidit beauty at first hand and lose mysel' once mare in those eternal tresses o' purest coppery silk. Send her hence wi' a' speed maun lest I go beresk wi' unfulfilled yearning and untameable thochts!
Yours etc, etc.
Sir Mac
Tae cut a lang story short I was doon in your fair toon last nicht, working at a well-known DIY store in the Sanquhar Farm Road. Nae sooner had I arrived in the shop tae start my night shift - rearranging the plumbing, gas and lavatory fittings aisle - than a vision o' grace and comliness such as mortal eye should ne'er behold, drifted by wi' a clip board heading towards paints and gairden furniture. Oor eyes met briefly and I gie'd her a wee wink as if tae say 'This could be your lucky nicht', but tae her credit she kept her composure and continued on her way withoot any sign o' the raging fires that my wee look must hae kindled within, lady that she is. But for my part I became a man enchanted; bewildered and transfixed like a moth afore a flame; swept up in her lang fragrant tresses o' purest Titian softness and carried awa' by her charm and tight black breeks.
Thereafter my joints were loosed and my spanners - once proud emblems o' steely craft and manhood - but fey distractions in my trembling haunds. The glittering brass and chrome piping hitherto sae bricht and desirable, tarnished tae a dull and worthless dross and the musical chime o' copper on copper dulled tae an irksome clatter. I regret tae say that even the cunningly crafted reverse flow valves and wooden toilet seats ceased tae hold ony worth for me and a' the fittings and accessories that I once held sae dear I now reckon but worthless dross.
Who is this reed heidit lassie? I must find her soon or lose my mind! When ye next see her in DIY or sitting aroond Burns Square please direct her tae Mac Castle that I may again behold her exquisite flame-heidit beauty at first hand and lose mysel' once mare in those eternal tresses o' purest coppery silk. Send her hence wi' a' speed maun lest I go beresk wi' unfulfilled yearning and untameable thochts!
Yours etc, etc.
Sir Mac
Comments
I?m afraid I have no idea who this young lassie could be. I?m not best known for my knowledge of Ayr?s female talent!! Mind you, I did go to school with a red head and last time I seen her she was working in ?bee n kyoo?.
Actually, these days I?m spending more time up in your end of the world than in my sunny seaside town. I?m now working in a place up in Bellshill and I?m flat huntin? in Glesgae?s west end. Or should that be Glesgay? <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />
How?s the wife? Has she gone on her travels yet? If not try sewing some sirloin steak into the crotch of her bikini bottoms before she goes. The crocs won?t be able to resist her.
Drop me an e-mail, I can hardly find time to frequent these fair forums at the moment, I?m still on jamieATjamiemarshall.co.uk
Best regards and aw that,
Jamie