Pre-emptive Valentines Day "Web of Love and Romance" Thread

curiousuburb

Greetings AI romantics



Your input is requested in anecdotes or urls regarding online relationships for an anonymous survey of digital dating and the virtual mating dance.



Why? I'm teaching an adult ed class this month on the "Web of Love and Romance", course description as follows:



Once suitors sent love letters, mingled in the town square, or had relationships arranged.

Now email and instant messages quicken the pace, while online dating services, chat rooms, and a global network have all added a social dimension to the Internet.



More than just online ordering of flowers and candy for your valentine, this course surveys the non-porn web, demonstrating how to stay discreet while seeking that special someone.



So while I won't ask anyone to provide personally identifiable information that might incriminate parties who'd rather remain invisible (and in fact I'll change all the names and mask out all the actual email addresses as a matter of practice), I'm curious to hear some of the positive and negative experiences of AI board members when it comes to the use of the Internet for everything from the selection of a blind date to the long distance email seduction that blossoms into more (or less).



What sites do you search for romantic inspiration? Poetry? Opening Lines? FTD? See's? Victoria's Secret? (no-porn please)



What advice would you give a single friend who wanted to get online to look for love?



How about those in a relationship, but searching for someone new behind the spouse's back?



Different advice for men than women? Web-savvy vs newbie? Mac vs PC? Casual vs clock-ticking?



What challenges (beyond misrepresentation and stalking) face those whose contact isn't primarily face to face? Does PhotoShop make the exchange of images irrelevant beyond searching for the strange disconnect of heads pasted on suspiciously perfect yet different bodies?



What advantages does human/computer interface bring (aside from copy and paste mass-dating-by-spam) to the already challenging human/human interface of social behaviour?



Are geeks better lovers, or just stereotypically better at debugging bad code and still useless at reading interpersonal signals?



How have the trends changed since you've been online? since your parents or grandparents courted?



Current content includes a tour of vanity-sites ranging from AmIHotorNot.com to the original Mahir "I KISS YOU!!!" pages.



Got relevant reading to recommended?



Affectionately, my little studmuffin webaholics



I KISS YOU!!!

not unlike myself

Um, cupid.com? Yahoo Personals? Alt.com? Um... others?

curiousuburb

alt.com is way too racy...

some spice is nice, but not habanero first



any commentary on why a particular site works for you?

brussell

I try to make love connections at AppleInsider, but I've never found the right girl. I was hitting on Fran for about 6 months until I found out she was really a he. I still think Anders may be a woman, despite her denials, so I'm keeping my hopes up there.

lucys_trip

I met my girlfriend on the internet. Yahoo Chat. We met in a chatroom, and kept in touch (no pun intended). We stayed friends for nearly two years, while both of us were in relationships. Emailed back and forth and talked on Yahoo Messenger and after about a year we both started forming feelings for each other, although we stayed friends.



When we were both single, we decided to stay single, exchanged pics, and started mailing letters (as well as a couple small gifts and some flowers from me), and eventually met, last May.



We've been together ever since, and I'm happy to report that we are very much in love and are planning to get a place together in late Spring.





Before this, I NEVER would have thought I would meet someone off the internet. Neither did she, and neither of us had done it in the past, although we both chatted with many people online. My best advice is:



Roam the chat rooms, or register at matchmaker.com or some kind of meeting place for singles. Don't give out too much information and try not to get too attached to someone too fast.



ALWAYS, be honest about yourself, no matter what the topic, and provide an accurate photo of yourself (NOT Your Best Friend).



As in person, look for people who share common interests or goals, and just be yourself. And don't rush things. Just use good judgement. Remember, this is your life....It may work, it may not. Have some fun.



The best thing about meeting someone on the internet is getting to know the person before actually meeting them. Normally, you go to a bar, you approach women based on looks and then spend 3 months to a year trying to get to know them, only to find out their not what you're looking for. On the internet, in most cases you get to know them first, then decide if you want to meet.



The worst thing about it is, you may get along wonderfully on the internet, but horribly in person.



My girlfriend and I hit it off right from the first day we met, but it took a few weeks still, to get to know each other in person. There was a sort of disconnect from what we knew about each other online, which went VERY deep and personal, to getting to know each other in person. All the little quircks and stuff.



I would say, don't EXPECT to meet the love of your life on the internet, although, you can EXPECT more of a chance of meeting that perfect someone than in your daily travels. Another bonus is, the internet is worldwide.



My girlfriend and I live in two different cities, they just happen to be 60 KM's apart.



:cool:

ghost_user_name

[quote]Originally posted by BRussell:

<strong>I try to make love connections at AppleInsider, but I've never found the right girl. I was hitting on Fran for about 6 months until I found out she was really a he. I still think Anders may be a woman, despite her denials, so I'm keeping my hopes up there.</strong><hr></blockquote>



Sorry. I´m still a man. Desperately trying to get the attention of a certain woman. My clever tactic of saying or hinting nothing about my feelings for her have for some strange reason not worked yet <img src="confused.gif" border="0">

murbot

[quote]Originally posted by BRussell:

<strong>I try to make love connections at AppleInsider, but I've never found the right girl. I was hitting on Fran for about 6 months until I found out she was really a he. I still think Anders may be a woman, despite her denials, so I'm keeping my hopes up there.</strong><hr></blockquote>





Post of the day.

colanderofdeath

I met groverat at <a href="http://www.LonghornCowboyStuds.com"; target="_blank">www.LonghornCowboyStuds.com</a> . It worked quite well obviously since he is the best lover that I have ever had. Since his penis is so small my anus always feels good afterwards and he makes sure never to let that testicle slapping sound get too loud.

burningwheel

[quote]Originally posted by lucys_trip:

<strong>I met my girlfriend on the internet. </strong><hr></blockquote>



congrats. i met my wife on line via a website i run. she emailed me to ask me a question and then we started emailing each other

thegelding

i met my wife of 17 plus years the old fashioned way....





i dated her older sister for 2 years ....g

roo

okay, prepare for long-ass post...



well, jack and i didn't meet online, but most of our relationship has revolved around the internet. we met at macworld sf, he was the internet gaming buddy/internet co-worker of a friend of mine, and that friend introduced us. however, while he may have learned my name, he didn't say a word to me the entire expo. after the expo ended, i got an email from him. he had gotten the address from my friend. even though he had never talked to me in person, i thought his emails were great, and we corresponded for a year as friends. when the next macworld wound around we finally talked in person, and felt a spark... and we've been together for 3 years now.



the period of emailing/chatting was very romantic in a strange sort of way. in the beginning it was pure friendship, but towards the end, there was that wonderful "ooh, what does he really mean by this phrase/word/emoticon?" the one problem with it was because we were both email junkies and checking email many times a day, if i didn't receive a reply in one day, i would get worried ("did i express something wrong, is he bored?" the timing of email was incredibly important. since you get time stamps, and you know the other person check email frequently, the response time indicated his feelings to me and vicer-versa. i didn't want to seem to eager, but at the same, time, gotta let him know that i care about replying to him. of course, this is all going on in my head, and jack could now be reading this and thinking "wow, you are a psycho, i had never thought of that."



i think email exchange is a great way of courting. you really get to know the person, and it has that old-fashioned letter romance thing. and if you do want something known immediately, thats possible too. in letters, people are often more open to expressing emotions and their past than in person. however, because they aren't in person, people can also lie. i can see that as a danger, but my friend had known jack for years online, and i had technically "met" him in public once, so i didn't really worry.



i don't know about geeks in general being better lovers... i've met too many really socially inept ones. however i think i've snagged one of the better specimens. the only guys i've ever dated have been geeks. part of this was the way i was raised (my father is uber-geek). i remember the first pre-crush i had was on a sysadmin at his office. the guy was so cool. blue hair, named all the machines with some obscure naming scheme, typing away at his terminal late into the night. i really see programmers and sysadmins in a romantic light-- god that sounds weird. in general, when i look for guys, i look for intelligence, a quirky sense of humor, and something different about them, and geeks fit this bill rather well. i wouldn't say they're any worse or better at reading interpersonal signals, at least when in the relationship. when they're trying to pick you up, however many of them are just waaay too eager. and then you get the weirdos at computer expos-- who follow you around, take pictures, offer you all the ethernet cable you could ever want... sigh..



anyway, this is probably much more than you wanted to know, but you asked so many questions in your post!

ghost_user_name

wow, you are a psycho...

roduk

[quote]Originally posted by lucys_trip:

<strong>

The best thing about meeting someone on the internet is getting to know the person before actually meeting them. Normally, you go to a bar, you approach women based on looks and then spend 3 months to a year trying to get to know them, only to find out their not what you're looking for. On the internet, in most cases you get to know them first, then decide if you want to meet.

</strong><hr></blockquote>





I guess this can also be the worst thing. Perhaps I'm being a little shallow, but you can spend 3 months to a year getting to know someone on the internet, only to decide to meet them and find out you aren't physically attracted to them (even if you have already seen their photo).

lucys_trip

[quote]Originally posted by RodUK:

<strong>

I guess this can also be the worst thing. Perhaps I'm being a little shallow, but you can spend 3 months to a year getting to know someone on the internet, only to decide to meet them and find out you aren't physically attracted to them (even if you have already seen their photo).</strong><hr></blockquote>



This is true, although if you keep in contact a lot and send more than one photo of yourselves, I would think it rare to suddenly not find the person "physically attractive" in person. I think the problem lies more in personal quirks after meeting. Yeah, you tend to be more open chatting online or emailing, so it may be easier to get to know someone, but it's also a good way to hide that twitch, or that horrible laugh, or the mood swings, or the nail chewing habit, or whatever it may be that turns you off about them.



Luckily in my case, neither of us ran into any of these problems and we are both very happy. It's a gamble really, just like anything in life.

curiousuburb

great responses so far... thanks



testimonials from friends seem to support a theory that single users of online dating seeking to hitch outnumber married users seeking to unhitch (or re-hitch)



i've met a few couples who met by email and are now engaged, only one who used email relationship as partial motivation to push divorce, and no admissions of married folk just looking for an affair (thought deduction points to a few)



how's that fit with experiences where you are?