what a bum rap for a nice, sensitive guy like me.

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
You pick up this working girl, who's hooked on smack, who hustles and scores, that's all I do she says.



She says ten bucks for head, fifteen for half and half she says.



3 hits a day at 35 per, that's 7 tricks a day at least but she says "sometimes I get lucky, once this guy gives me a bill and a half just to eat me. Only time I ever came."







You figure you can save her.



You sell your colour TV that keeps her off the street a whole day. You hock your typewriter for one jolt.



Then your shotgun, your watch.



A week later you say listen, I'm a little short but she says no scratch, no snatch.



You say look it is better to give but she says beat off, creep.



One night they spot you on the street in your skivvies trying to sell your shoes.



You tell them who you are but they nail you. Then she happens by and she says "christ, you look ****ed" she says "hang tough!"



But you don't say anything, you just think "what a bum rap for a nice sensitive guy like me..."
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Comments

  • Reply 1 of 42
    It's so sad because it's so true. That poor bastard Jonathan. Man, I feel for ya, man.



    Heh, I'm just glad I'm not in your shoes. Shoes. Hehehe.
  • Reply 2 of 42
    This dejected Urban Disco Prophet Cowboy® will sell you some shoes for $5.
  • Reply 3 of 42
    aquafireaquafire Posts: 2,758member
  • Reply 4 of 42
    Quote:

    Originally posted by aquafire





    you'd roll those eyes right back in your head if you sampled some of this fine smack.
  • Reply 5 of 42
    Damn it feels good to be a gangsta....
  • Reply 6 of 42
    Bling Bling, guidolicious Jack.



    Shave dem arms for MAXIMUM TANNING!





  • Reply 7 of 42
    I guess it must be hard when the girl you've been drooling over for the past, what, four years turns and cockblocks you cold.



    You guys don't know the half of the story. Not half.
  • Reply 8 of 42
    murbotmurbot Posts: 5,262member
    I feel for you Jon. I just broke my fucking thumb for you.
  • Reply 9 of 42
    Quote:

    Originally posted by José

    I guess it must be hard when the girl you've been drooling over for the past, what, four years turns and cockblocks you cold.



    You guys don't know the half of the story. Not half.






    FALSITUDE!









    Dude's a bona-fide dipshit.



    I have nothing to fear.



    I'm moving in for the kill this weekend. Mark my words.



    A sacrifice to Toutatis will be made.
  • Reply 9 of 42
    murbotmurbot Posts: 5,262member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by José

    I guess it must be hard when the girl you've been drooling over for the past, what, four years turns and cockblocks you cold.



    I have found that my lovemaking frequency has dimished somewhat after marriage, but of course our love grows stronger every day. That more than makes up it.
  • Reply 11 of 42
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Earl

    Try getting fucking married.



    That's funny, Earl. Ergo the massive porn collection.















    Stevie Wonder says 'part time lover' and then whips his head around like a fish trying to wriggle a hook out of it's jaw.



    The wind blows.



    Earl's kids stumble upon the 'stash'.



    Monica Belluci gives me a piece of that luscious, luscious ass.





    José puts down the novel.
  • Reply 12 of 42
    Hey go to your private room.



    You already have one.



    Biff? José? Earl? Trying to form a interracial rap group now?
  • Reply 13 of 42
    ... and LoCash smacks dat bitch up!
  • Reply 14 of 42
    splinemodelsplinemodel Posts: 7,311member
    Did someone say scratch?



    Earl, you farking idiot. . .
  • Reply 15 of 42
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Anders the White

    Hey go to your private room.



    You already have one.



    Biff? José? Earl? Trying to form a interracial rap group now?






    Biff's as white as they come. Biff comes from Birmingham, Alabama, yet finds himself strangely attracted to that Clay Aiken fellow. He gives old Biff the tinglies in ways that Linda hasn't for years.



    Biff also really enjoys soup.
  • Reply 16 of 42
    splinemodelsplinemodel Posts: 7,311member
    Hey Biff, can I borrow your truck?
  • Reply 17 of 42
    ghost_user_nameghost_user_name Posts: 22,667member
    Got Two. The '88 Ford F-250. PowerStroke diesel, affectionately nicknamed 'Ol' Stumpy'



    Also: Hans, the pink Unimog. He's German and a little... he's got doilies as seat covers. Do the math.





    Cursing in French is like wiping your ass with silk. Too bad us moron-electing attack-monkeys don't appreciate that.
  • Reply 18 of 42
    splinemodelsplinemodel Posts: 7,311member
    Quote:

    Dude's a bona-fide dipshit.

    I have nothing to fear.

    I'm moving in for the kill this weekend. Mark my words.

    A sacrifice to Toutatis will be made.



    Then again, you might need the truckthis weekend. Toutatis likes big stuff, so just throw the body under the tarp.



    but if you can part with Hans, they say all the evangelical chicks really dig the big unimogs, especially in pink.
  • Reply 19 of 42
    discocowdiscocow Posts: 603member
    I feel quite lost at the moment. I need to go lie down. Everything will be fine, you'll see. The screen names will be normal in the morning.



    The screen names will be normal in the morning.



    THE SCREEN NAMES WILL BE NORMAL IN THE MORNING!



    IT WAS JUST A DRAEM!!!



  • Reply 20 of 42
    enaena Posts: 667member
    it's hard to control the uncontrollable.
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