New List of Ten commandments
The olde list is getting a tad thread bare and the misuse it cops from the Fundies is embarrassing to say the least..
So I propose that the Ai's Brains Trust come up with some new ones to replace the old..
My Ten commandments would include...
Listen more than you talk.
Roll with the punches.
Give without reward.
Be open to learning.
Admit your mistakes.
Don't kick the dog.
Put your toys back.
Clean your teeth.
Take a siesta.
Take a walk.
And yours would be.....?
So I propose that the Ai's Brains Trust come up with some new ones to replace the old..
My Ten commandments would include...
Listen more than you talk.
Roll with the punches.
Give without reward.
Be open to learning.
Admit your mistakes.
Don't kick the dog.
Put your toys back.
Clean your teeth.
Take a siesta.
Take a walk.
And yours would be.....?
Comments
Originally posted by segovius
I've got just one:
Thou shalt construct no commandments.....or suffer exile to the colonies
Errmmm .....11th Commandment :
Thou shalt taketh the piss out of every Pommy B--rstard that cometh to the Land of OZ....
Originally posted by Aquafire
My Ten commandments would include...
Listen more than you talk.
Roll with the punches.
Give without reward.
Be open to learning.
Admit your mistakes.
Don't kick the dog.
Put your toys back.
Clean your teeth.
Take a siesta.
Take a walk.
And yours would be.....?
just one more...call your mother.
The 11th commandment should be:
Put not your faith in politicians; they serve themselves first, you second.
II Respect the others' opinions as much as you want your opinions to be respected.
III Don't spam.
IV Don't get caught.
Originally posted by Aquafire
The olde list is getting a tad thread bare and the misuse it cops from the Fundies is embarrassing to say the least..
So I propose that the Ai's Brains Trust come up with some new ones to replace the old..
My Ten commandments would include...
Listen more than you talk.
Roll with the punches.
Give without reward.
Be open to learning.
Admit your mistakes.
Don't kick the dog.
Put your toys back.
Clean your teeth.
Take a siesta.
Take a walk.
And yours would be.....?
Respect the posting guidelines
II. Thou shalt not telemarket.
III. Thou shalt not read Commandment III. (This proveth that all men sin.)
IV. Thou shall lighten up.
V. Thou shall taxeth the wealthy at a higher tax rate.
VI. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's GHz.
VII. Thou shall driveth, or thou shall speaketh on thy cell phone, but not at the same time.
VIII. Thou really shouldst returneth to thy work, rather than reading AppleInsider right now.
IX. Seeth thou Commandment X.
X. Seeth thou Commandment IX.
Originally posted by shetline
I. Thou shalt not spam.
II. Thou shalt not telemarket.
III. Thou shalt not read Commandment III. (This proveth that all men sin.)
IV. Thou shall lighten up.
V. Thou shall taxeth the wealthy at a higher tax rate.
VI. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's GHz.
VII. Thou shall driveth, or thou shall speaketh on thy cell phone, but not at the same time.
VIII. Thou really shouldst returneth to thy work, rather than reading AppleInsider right now.
IX. Seeth thou Commandment X.
X. Seeth thou Commandment IX.
I like em...
Originally posted by Powerdoc
Respect the posting guidelines
I would have thought :
XI : " Thou shalt not ask to becometh a Moderator.."
Originally posted by Aquafire
I would have thought :
XI : " Thou shalt not ask to becometh a Moderator.."
right or god will punish you in two manners :
- he won't allow you to become one
- you will become one and be doomed.
Originally posted by Powerdoc
right or god will punish you in two manners :
- he won't allow you to become one
- you will become one and be doomed.
That sounds very much like Commandment 22...
Originally posted by Aquafire
The olde list is getting a tad thread bare and the misuse it cops from the Fundies is embarrassing to say the least..
So I propose that the Ai's Brains Trust come up with some new ones to replace the old..
My Ten commandments would include...
Listen more than you talk.
Roll with the punches.
Give without reward.
Be open to learning.
Admit your mistakes.
Don't kick the dog.
Put your toys back.
Clean your teeth.
Take a siesta.
Take a walk.
And yours would be.....?
I reckon we should hold on to the one about not killing people...and maybe have one advising against stealing and lying.
[edit: not directed any anyone in this thread, just damn funny (and pertinent)]
from "Complaints and Grievances" (HBO special)
Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?
You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:
About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.
Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.
Let's start with the first three:
I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH
Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.
Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.
And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:
THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE
Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.
But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS
This one is just plain ****in' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Kashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
&
Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.
Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his ****in' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself
Carlin's God...
Originally posted by segovius
You just broke #3 busta - get in the back of the truck !!!!
As far as I'm concerned...there are only two (3) now...
I hope you realise these are all "Code"
"Let's start with the first three:
" I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME "
How many times do you have to be told...don't speak to strange gods..their all perverts...
" THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN "
This one really gets me..kill people in my name..that's Ok..but use my name as a swear word...& your dead meat...
" THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH "
Since the year dot, people have been fighting over which day it is..So I suggest EVERY day is Holy...
" HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER "
This one is designed to bring guilt & trauma to all those who come from divorced & seperated families...Best to change it to honor all people..
" THOU SHALT NOT STEAL "
Except if you a powerful nation, a multinational company, a tyrant, dictator or running dog of capitalism...Commies never steal..they just "liberate " goods...
" THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS "
Are you kidding ! If we followed that to the letter most governments & law courts around the world would close down in a second. Hells bells, bearing false witness is a basic requirement to pass the bar or to get elected president.
" THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY "
And thou shalt close down Hollywood..& 99% of all gossip magazines & ruin the economy...
" THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE "
Same as above..especially if your a brat celebrity..What would Jerry Springer say ?
" THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS "
Appropriate, liberate, borrow ( but never return or return broken )..." This one is just plain ****in' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! "
" THOU SHALT NOT KILL"
Except in my name..Or if your a Big country blowing the shit out of some poor country..or if your terrorists who think nice thoughts about me while blowing themselves up for my sake..I love righteousness....Especially Fundies of all faiths.....