Architosh

bigcbigc
Posted:
in Future Apple Hardware edited January 2014
Says G5 may be coming



<a href="http://www.architosh.com/news/2002-01/2002c-0109-fastermacs.phtml"; target="_blank">Architosh 1/10/02</a>

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 2
    kidredkidred Posts: 2,402member
    Already being discussed
  • Reply 2 of 2
    junkyard dawgjunkyard dawg Posts: 2,801member
    G5 release is imminent, because it must be. Apple has no choice in the matter, it's either ship the G5 powermacs, or face a future of doom and despair--a future clouded by great, steaming piles of dogcow sh!t on the horizon. This is the real game, so hold onto your butts and get ready for the ride. Apple isn't going to go down without taking at least a few with them.



    If things turn sour, I could see Jobs hiring a hit-man to snuff Gates, and maybe that one blowhard bulldog who works for him. I can just see it now, "Mac evangelist and chief visionary officer of Apple Computer, Inc., cracks amid the wreckage of his company, flying accusations by dozens of teen interns claiming to have been "fondled, groped, and penetrated" by the iCEO himself". Said Jobs, "Those iNterns were a bunch of bozos...your damn right I gave them a taste of my iPod, iPumped them and they were lovin' it!". Jonathin Ive, a former toilet designer responsible for some of Apple's brightest moments, and greatest failures, was arrested as an accomplice of Jobs. 10 of the teen iNterns claim to have been assaulted by Ive, who was brandishing Apple's soundstick in an overtly sexual way. "That's no speaker", asserted one of the iNterns, "Ive kept coming at me, saying that the soundstick was ribbed, for my pleasure! After he got it in me, he turned on Apple's secret iApp, the iBrator, and the soundstick began to vibrate and emit a bassy growling gruntish moan. Before I realized what was happening Ive turned up the gain on the app and instead of running away I came."



    Ive was not available for comment. His lawyer did make a brief statement, revealing that "Apple's last-ditch efforts were to be aimed not at families with apps like iMovie or iPhoto, but at a more seedy demographic, with apps like iPorn and a digital device designed to synch with iPorn, iBrator." This statement supported evidence obtained by investigators at Apple's HQ, where they found 100s of terabytes of pornographic Final Cut Pro footage, and plans for penetrating lucrative markets in Bangkok and Amsterdam.



    MSFT shares were up 10 1/4 after a heavy day of trading. AAPL was down to 1/8 per share, and holding.
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