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Posts by macinthe408

Hi, I'm Jack Ass Analyst here on Wall Street. I am urging my clients to sell their APPL positions based on the contents of this update. We originally forecasted that this update would contain holographic enhancements and a olfactory sensor, which would allow apps to recognize a food dish. However, since Apple has let us down once again by not meeting our outlandish prognostications, we are urging our clients to SELL. Samsung, with its lack of filters for the plethora of...
"...while the on-screen controls come with just a "limited set of things you can do." Wonder what the Samsung/Android interpretation of this would be. I bet their first "PlayCar" app will be Angry Birds (Auto)mobile.
In related news, Samsung announces CarPlayGround initiative with Hyundai and KIA. 
Will it be smart enough to know not to start reading a text from some random chick when you have a different random chick in the car with you?
Hi, I'm Jack Ass, an analyst with Dart Throwers Equity Partners. After current analysis, which involves watching the market, using a Ouija board, and throwing literal darts at a spreadsheet on the wall, we have decided to inform our institutional investors to dump all of their AAPL stock based on Kendrick Lamar's choice to be in the iTunes Music Festival. We would have preferred if Apple has selected Slick Rick instead, and this is the reason we feel that Apple no longer...
Hi, I'm Jackass Analyst, from Dickhead-Assface Associates.    I am disappointed at this statistic, because my clients were expecting the number to be 95.4% (our forecasting is based on precise dart-throwing analytics and witchcraft, not to mention an abhorrently inadequate understanding of how Apple runs itself). Therefore, I am urging my institutional clients to dump their APPL holdings, and to buy Samsung stock instead.   I am also basing this notice on information...
Interesting. Now, as an armchair cinema critic who, from my mother's basement, knows more about cinema than the people who run Hollywood (sort of like how most of us on this forum know more about Apple than the people who work there and run it), I would like to second-guess this choice of director. I say that Jonathan Demme should direct.
Reminds me of the difference between an AK-47 (shoot a billion bullets in that general vicinity, you might hit something, you might not) and an M-16A2 (conserve bullets, more precision, one shot-one kill). Guess which one's Samsung?
Hi, I am Jackass Analyst, working here at Dickhead Financial Holdings, Inc. Due to this underwhelming update, I am recommending investors dump their AAPL holdings. This update proves that Apple doesn't have the creativity and ingenuity needed to survive the Samsung/Android onslaught. We don't need SSL fixes; we need 3D spatial/facial/retinal epidermal turbo heuristic magical cancer-curing technology in this update.
This thing will need to work flawlessly, lest the press will come out in droves to ridicule it. If this is anything like those print readers on those $200 LaCie drives, I can write Samsung's obituary now.
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