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Posts by rbryanh

Like celebrity journalism, the Apple rumor mill is essentially a religious preoccupation. The rumors themselves, much like Gods and famous people, are as purposefully, stupefyingly dull as the phenomenon itself is fascinating. All cults have at their core an energetically defended "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" infinite loop, where anything that might modify the conditions on which the cycle depends is deliberately excluded from the process, denying...
Confirmed. Apple personnel routinely refuse to further examine any device the sensor of which shows it was exposed to moisture. They make no attempt to determine if a failure is in any way related to moisture. They also get all Stepfordy when one stands beneath a huge in-store ad of someone dancing like cardiac arrest with an iPod, and waves one's own sweat-devastaed toy while pointing out the irony of the fact that the gadget's response to a little water resembles that...
It's good to see the wise folks at Apple are using some of its $100B cash surplus to find better ways to justify denying a few customers warranty service. No doubt doing so is more profitable than building water-resistant electronics. After all, it's not like human beings routinely have liquids in our environments, or that it would be reasonable to expect an expensive, all-purpose, general-use device whose portability is its major selling point to be able to cope...
In a move industry analysts describe as "inevitable," this week Johnson & Johnson has acquired patents on both itching and scratching. In a unrelated story, company executives deny allegations that a cross of poison ivy and kudzu has breached a containment facility at the multi-national's New Jersey-based genetic engineering division. Now if someone can only manage to acquire rights to the gesture which resembles slowly shaking a beer can up and down, they can really...
Since I bought my iPhone 4 shortly after it was released, I've tried everything short of inserting it anally in my desperate efforts to get its connection to fail. Given how much I yearn to embrace the shrilly righteous moral imperative of the self-designated victim, I find the damned thing's refusal to drop a single call nothing less than infuriating. I don't use a case: it has no scratches. I once dropped it while exiting my therapist's building: it (accurately)...
The lovely thing about worshipping pundits is the way it allows us accept what we're told without the burden of analysis or criticism. Considering the source is so much quicker and easier than determining the facts, following the reasoning, and criticizing the conclusion. The former gives us a primate warm fuzzy, whereas the latter is boring, tedious, and more often than not results only in provisional conclusions which seldom actually conclude anything at all. The...
No doubtÂ… thoughtless, ignorant people whose use of language gives an altogether distasteful glimpse into their self-serving, deluded minds. Unless we're talking about the fruit, "Apple" is an abstraction, just like every corporation. Corporations are legal institutions, and have no thoughts, feelings, or values, or any self awareness capable of taking offense. Pretending otherwise may benefit the 5% of Americans who own 95% of the world, and them only in the very short...
Not to worry. I'm sure all American sweatshop outsourcing will come marchin' home again just as soon as your confreres have eliminated those pesky safe workplace and quality of life regulations that keep the free, free, free at last! market from working its magic. Once desperate Americans have to choose between starvation and handling toxic materials in 30 hour shifts, they'll be no need to exploit Chinese peasants. The 1% have quite correctly perceived that what's...
The court should gather everyone involved together and spray them with freezing water from a firehose until they all admit they're idiots, go home, and stop drawing attention to themselves.
Would anyone mind terribly if I jumped up and down, screaming "I don't care! I don't care! I don't care!" in response to this? Frankly, if iI have to face one more iWord, iI am going to dr iVe to Cupert iNo to comm iT an iDrivebiEye, in defense of what's left of the English language. Given that our elected officials have proved themselves manifestly useless when it comes to legislating anything that actually matters, might we at least get them to forbid...
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