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Best blonde joke contest

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
You may put in one blonde joke per post.

Comfortable

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister,''When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'' The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ''I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'' The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, ''It's just 99 cents a word.'' Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ''I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.''' The telegraph operator shakes his head. ''How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'" The brunette explains, ''My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow.''
post #2 of 23
Three blondes are walking through the forest and they run across some tracks.
"I think they're deer tracks!" "No, they're definitely bear tracks!" "No! No! They're rabbit tracks!"
They decide to follow the tracks through the forest to see what animal they find at the end. 3 minutes later the train hits them.
proud resident of a failed state
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proud resident of a failed state
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post #3 of 23
Q:What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A:A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

I am so going to get blasted by any females who see these.
Oh Well. That's life.
post #4 of 23
Q:Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M's factory?
A:She kept throwing away all the W's.
post #5 of 23
Q:How do you kill a blonde?
A:Put a scratch and sniff on the bottom of a swimming pool.

[ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: To Ti or Not to Ti, that is the Q. ]</p>
post #6 of 23
Q:What do you call three blondes standing in a row shoulder to shoulder?
A:A wind tunnel.
post #7 of 23
Q:How does a blonde turn the light on in the morning?
A:She opens the car door.

I got this one from a blonde friend of mine who had been to wedding, and then instead of going to bed she decided to sleep in the car.
post #8 of 23
Q:What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A:"So guys, which football team do you play for?"
post #9 of 23
Q:What's the difference between a blonde and the WTC on September 11th?
A:The towers only went down once...
post #10 of 23
And the one that I'm really going to get reamed for (even if the previous one doesn't win me bad taste of all time award. And I know what sentiments are like in NY, I was there on the 14th)
Q:What do blondes and aeroplanes have in common?
A:They both have cockpits. Ouch....
post #11 of 23
If a blonde and a brunette jump from a tall building, which will hit the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde will have to stop to ask for directions.
"...within intervention's distance of the embassy." - CvB

Original music:
The Mayflies - Black earth Americana. Now on iTMS!
Becca Sutlive - Iowa Fried Rock 'n Roll - now on iTMS!
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"...within intervention's distance of the embassy." - CvB

Original music:
The Mayflies - Black earth Americana. Now on iTMS!
Becca Sutlive - Iowa Fried Rock 'n Roll - now on iTMS!
Reply
post #12 of 23
But remember, while blonde jokes are fun, it has to be remembered that Blonde is not just a hair colour, it's a state of mind.
post #13 of 23
Now that one I like Amorph.
post #14 of 23
Thread Starter 
Death Row in Women's Prison

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''
post #15 of 23
&lt;bump&gt; I really think that you all need to post in this thread. Blonde jokes are funny. Aren't they? Please, somebody post another one...&lt;/bump&gt;
post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 
Blonde Horse Ranch

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she asked her neighbor for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses. This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbor suggested notching one of the horses' ear. This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbor suggested measuring the heights of the horses. And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.
post #17 of 23
&lt;bump&gt;Thank You CDHostage. Anybody else?&lt;/bump&gt;
post #18 of 23
why did the blode stare at the orange juice

because it said concentrate on the box
post #19 of 23
blind man walks into a bar and chats to the bar man
he starts to tell a blonde joke when the bar man stops him and says...
"i think u should realise that the man next to u used to be in the SAS hes 6' 4" and hes BLONDE also his mate over there just got out of prison hes 6' 10" and built like a brick s*it house also blonde and then theres me ive got a big bat, and blonde hair"
the blind man turns to him and says **** it if ill have to explain myself 3 times.
post #20 of 23
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?


.... Alone.
Hope Springs Eternal,
Mandricard
AppleOutsider
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Hope Springs Eternal,
Mandricard
AppleOutsider
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post #21 of 23
ok, so theres a blonde, a burnette, and a redhead on an elevator. the elevator stops and a guy gets on, and then gets off a few floors later. after he left, the redhead says, "That guy was hot", the burnette replies, "Yeah, but he needed some Head&Shoulders." and the blonde asked "How do you give a guy shoulders?
ThunderPoit: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME!

savi: DONOT MOCK SADAMS WORDS!
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ThunderPoit: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME!

savi: DONOT MOCK SADAMS WORDS!
Reply
post #22 of 23
Why did the Blonde Climb over the Glass Wall?

To see what was on the other side.
NoahJ
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." - Mahatma Gandhi
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NoahJ
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." - Mahatma Gandhi
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post #23 of 23
How are a Blonde and a Turtle alike?

Put either one on their back and they're screwed!
NoahJ
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." - Mahatma Gandhi
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NoahJ
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." - Mahatma Gandhi
Reply
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