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Talk radio callers...

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a very, very long time.

There is nothing on this planet more head-slappingly annoying than a talk radio caller.

I don't mean a casual, "oops...wrong number...I thought this was Papa John's..." caller.

No, I mean the "professional" swizzledick who is so impressed with his grasp of the "issues of the day", that he can't WAIT to phone G. Gordon, Rush, Sean, Art, Ollie, various local blowhards, etc. to share his insight with the rest of the nation.

The biggest thinkers in the world have probably not come to a conclusion that Raymond of Bend Falls, Idaho has conjured up, so by all mean, pal...lay it on us.

In the past, I've been a big fan of talk radio. At my most vehement conservative phase in 1996 or so, I goddamn nearly OD'd on Liddy, Limbaugh and North.

After a while, I grabbed the reins a bit and weaned myself off it. But I still listened because I started noticing the callers.

And then the callers started to REALLY annoy me.

Folks, believe me when I say this: there is nothing worse than a ding-dong with an 11th grade education using $20 words to try and impress the host with his language skills.

"Yeah, uh, Rush...it seems to be that the defacto liquidation heretofore not expressed via the quid pro quo, as maximized by the current administration's willingness to, vis a vis, the tactical steadfastness of my anal proliferation..."

[CLICK!]

"Next caller...you there?"

I don't know whether to laugh or cry sometimes.

I was driving back from Palm Springs a few weeks ago, late at night and I had the AM radio going full-tilt in the car. And in the space of two hours, I heard such hilarious language/speech mangling that I was sure I had died and gone to entertainment heaven. Hell, I even drove an extra 31 miles out of my way just so I could keep on listening. I passed the exit to my house on purpose because I wasn't about to miss J.C. from Twill Creek, Delaware and his take on "Osama been Laid-on...".

I can totally picture these bug-eyed, caffeine-jazzed buttholes sitting in their "listening room" with underwear that has no elastic left and black socks and house shoes, waiting on hold and doing their best to convince the poor, hapless screener that what they have to say "is vital...and Art's gonna really be interested in what I have to say this evening".

The following are now classified as crimes against humanity (I checked with my local law enforcement moments ago and they weren't aware of it as of yet, but I told them to keep checking the bulletins):

The saying of any of the following will buy you a ticket to the joint and a possible three-way ass-whipping by the police and/or your neighbor:

"Long time listener, first time caller..."

"I just want to respond, if I could, to the last caller..."

"It seems to me..." (as a rule, everything following that particular phrase is usually a big pile of horseshit, studies have shown...)

"I'm a big fan...keep up the good work [fill in the blank with host's name]...us people out here in flyover country are dependin' on you!"

And therein lies the problem, assbag.

Get off your Chee-tos encrusted loveseat and make your own way and set your own goals and write your own rules.

Oh yeah, one more thing: when you DO call a talk radio show (and you know you will), do us all a huge favor and learn about the 7 second delay and turn down your stupid goddamn radio so you're not enthralling all of North America with a conversation of you interviewing yourself with questions you asked the host 6 seconds ago.

Oh yeah, here's another tip: if you don't know a word and truly know what it means, try your best to restrain yourself and make an effort not to use it. Believe me, I know it's supremely cool to sound all smart when talking about welfare reform, Gary Condit and anthrax, but don't mangle your brief period in the shining spotlight by being an flaming idiot on wheels.

I'm listening...
post #2 of 5
I too enjoy listening to talk radio! Michael Savage I believe is the name of the guy. I however so adamantly disagree with his view points that I enjoy it more when idiots call in to talk to him! <img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Chilling]" />
post #3 of 5
It's not just a conservative talk radio thing though frankly Liddy is right up there with those callers a lot. But listen to NPR some time, and note how carefully they screen callers to find the ones with the least ability to articulate their thoughts and with nothing to add to the discussion (thus not derailing the hosts' and guests' agendas). If anyone has a problem with a democracy, here's their proof of its futility.
post #4 of 5
Thread Starter 
No, you're right...it spans both sides of the aisle and political spectrum, left and right.

However, since I've never LISTENED to a left-wing talk show, my only examples can be the above usual suspects of conservative talk radio.

Believe me...I'm completely aware of left-leaning, know-nothing idiots. Been dealing with them for years now.

post #5 of 5
[quote]Originally posted by pscates:
<strong>Believe me...I'm completely aware of left-leaning, know-nothing idiots. Been dealing with them for years now.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Oh, thanks a lot!
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