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Joke Thread...

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Think of how condoms relate to these slogans.

Nike: Just do it.

Toyota: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Ford: The best never rest.

Chevy: Like a rock.

Dial: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto: Cause hey-- you never know.

California Lotto: Who's next?

Avis: Trying harder than ever.

KFC: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola: Always a Real Thing.

Lays: Betcha can't have just one.

Cambells Soup: Mmm, mm good.

Carl's Jr.: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...

General Electric: We bring good things to life!

AT&T: 'Reach out and touch someone.'

Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....

M&Ms: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'

Chevron: use them? people do.

Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

MCI: for friends and family

Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

Sears: One coat is good for the entire winter

Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are

United Airlines travel pack: Fly United

The Star Trek: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

Wendy: Where's the beef?

Denny's: $1.99 Grand Slam

Mazda: It Just Feels Right!

Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!

McDonalds: Over 99 billion served

Hewlett Packard: Expanding Possibilities

Burger King: Have it your way

Dairy Queen: We treat you right

AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1

Apple: insanely Great.

CONFIRMED!!! You have a dirty mind!

[ 01-11-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]</p>
post #2 of 8
I thought your "informed thinking on the new PowerMac" thread was pretty funny...albeit in an unintentional sort of way. As for the condom thing, I didn't get past the Nike punch line...not funny. But keep trying.

Aldo is watching....
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Aldo is watching....
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post #3 of 8
Those are funny. Here's some more

Illinois Lottery: Players have more fun.
post #4 of 8
Veering slightly tae one side slightly here's a wee joke that's guaranteed tae have folk rolling aboot the floor. Tell it tae the biggest, nastiest, evilest person ye know and let him join in the fun.

I should explain that it involves a wee bit o' personal interaction between yoursel' and your listener. It concerns the story o' the auld farmer and it goes thus...

Once upon there was an auld miserable git o' a farmer who had three sons. On his deathbed he summoned the eldest son first and says tae him "Son - I want ye tae have all the livestock and tractors".

Next he summons the second son and says "Son - I want ye tae have the farmhoose and a' the land".

Finally he summons the last son. "What have ye got left for me?" he asks. "Ye've given it a' tae my two brithers".

"Oh no I havnae exclaims the farmer - HERE'S TWO ACRES"


At this point, simultaneous wi' the delivery o' the punch line ye' hit yer listener hard in the auld gentiles thus givng him 'two achers'.

This is always guaranteed tae win freends and influence people, especially at parties.

(edited tae clear up possible cultural/linguistic ambiguity)

[ 01-14-2002: Message edited by: Sir Mac o' the Isles ]</p>
Heedrum Ho
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Heedrum Ho
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post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Sir Mac o' the Isles, you'll like this.

A Englishman was sitting with a Scotsman and a Welshman in Saudi Arabia.
They were sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden, Saudi
police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheik decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Welshman guy thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to
my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

The Englishman, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.

Before The Scotsman could say something, the Sheik turned to him and said:
"As you are from a great country, and your rugby teams and your rock bands are terrific, and your women gorgeous you can have two wishes!".

"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The Scotsman replies. "My
first wish is: " I would like to have 40 lashes."

"If you so desire", the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face,
"and your second wish?"

"Tie the Englishman to my back", the Scotsman answers.

[ 01-14-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]

[ 01-14-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]</p>
post #6 of 8
A fine joke Mr Nostradamus. (Much better than mine which has earned me such disapproval frae HRH Queen Elizabeth the 1st that my knighthood is in jeapordy). Allowing that you are making your posts frae medieval France some centuries ago your prophetic knowledge o' the subtle rivalries twixt Scots and English shows uncannily accurate predictive abilities.
Heedrum Ho
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Heedrum Ho
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post #7 of 8
Heheh....now THOSE were funny. I especially liked the beer-smuggling joke. Quality humor at its finest. I think the two acres joke, while humorous, would most likely get you a date with an unpleasant destiny if you told it with any regularity.

Aldo is watching....
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Aldo is watching....
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post #8 of 8
Here's a Jewish joke. (No disrespect intended. I have to tell it. It's funny.) I got this from AndrewSullivan.com. who was reminded of it because of <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2002/01/18/international/18KABU.html" target="_blank">this story</a>. Anyway, here's the joke. A Jewish guy was stranded on a desert island. After several years, he was discovered. He was proud of his survival and showed his liberators around the island. They were perplexed to see that he had actually built two temples to worship in. So they asked him why. "Oh, that one I worship in," he replied. "That other one I won't set foot in."
shooby doo, shooby doo
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shooby doo, shooby doo
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