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BREAKING NEWS: BUSH CHOKES ON PRETZEL

post #1 of 22
1/14/02 at 8:21am
Thread Starter 
It was a kamikaze pretzel manufactured by Osama Bin Laden and the Al Quaeda terrorist organization, designed to make the pretzel go down the wrong way. :eek:
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post #2 of 22
1/14/02 at 8:29am
Gore never would have fainted from eating pretzels!
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post #3 of 22
1/14/02 at 8:44am
Thread Starter 
The question I have is why did it take them 5 minutes to get a nurse if he was really choking? Didn't any of the Secret Service see what was going on?
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post #4 of 22
1/14/02 at 9:11am
I don't think that the Secret Service enters the family residence that much.
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post #5 of 22
1/14/02 at 10:10am
Yeah, I hear he also has problems with walking and chewing gum at the same time.
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post #6 of 22
1/14/02 at 10:13am
Thread Starter 
It's also really sad that this comes out to us as "BREAKING NEWS" the next day. How is it 'breaking' if the incident is over and we know the details?
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post #7 of 22
1/14/02 at 10:17am
He didn't choke, apparently some weird nerve was hit by the pretzel and it made him pass out by causing a decrease in heart rate.

That's scientific-talk for "****ed up drunk out of his gourd".


- "I coulda been somebody, I coulda been a contendah!"
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post #8 of 22
1/14/02 at 10:23am
Thread Starter 
Yeah, he also cut his eye. Well, at least it explains the pretzels.
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post #9 of 22
1/14/02 at 11:31am
It's days like these that chuckleheaded late night comics like Leno, Letterman, Kilborn, O'Brien, etc. fall on their collective knees and thank the mighty gods of comedy for this good fortune bestowed upon them.



Leno: "Due to their apparent danger to citizens, Congress has passed a 15 day waiting period for pretzel purchases..." [crickets chirping...]

Letterman: [pulls at necktie and makes an ugly face for 4-7 minutes, all while that baldheaded jackass Schaffer pisses himself laughing]

Jeez.
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post #10 of 22
1/14/02 at 12:14pm
What I want to know is if it was a knot or a rod (the pretzel).

And he said he didn't think he was out long, because when he woke up his dogs were sitting in the same postion....just looking at him funny. ha! I can only imagine what they were thinking.

Seriously though, I'm no huge fan of the guy, as president (as a normal guy he seems ok), but at least he had a sense of humor about it. I hear he sent bags of pretzels out to members of the press with a note saying "chew slowly".
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post #11 of 22
1/14/02 at 1:24pm
There was nothing good on TV last night so I put on Fox News for a minute and I couldn't believe that was the top story. I couldn't stop laughing.
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post #12 of 22
1/14/02 at 1:26pm
Its pretty funny... But I feel kinda sorry for the guy. Almost killed by a pretzel, would have been the most ironic death EVER. Plus... its gotta be kind of embarresing.

I wonder if this will be seen as "crisis coverage" by every news channel...
I'm not living... I'm just killing time.
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post #13 of 22
1/14/02 at 3:27pm
[quote]Originally posted by seb:
<strong>What I want to know is if it was a knot or a rod (the pretzel).
</strong><hr></blockquote>

I think it was a rod.

Bush choking on a rod... hmmmm..
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post #14 of 22
1/14/02 at 5:40pm
Apparently, Hannity & Colmes are going to have Mr. Peanut on the panel tonight, to discuss the implications.

Colmes, the liberal, is taking the position that pretzels should be banned, or at the very least, be subject to a background check and 5-day waiting period.

Hannity thinks it's none of the government's business in regulating pretzels and that the Founding Fathers fought for a nation where everyone was allowed to choke as they see fit, without interference from big government.

O'Reilly had the Rolled Gold guy on and yelled at him for evading his questions.

CNN currently has their graphic up: "Choking in the White House: A Salty Crisis" and Fox has gathered a panel consisting of Tony Snow, Laura Ingraham and Dick Morris to cover this in depth.

It's a HUGE story!

We've weathered worse than this as Americans. We must somehow find the strength to eat our pretzels, without fear. Our president was attacked by a salty, twisted coward. He prevailed, as he will with the terrorists.

God bless America.
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post #15 of 22
1/14/02 at 5:43pm
i think the funniest (saddest?) thing is that the news channels had scientists and doctors on this evening talking about what happened.

The guy choked on a pretzel! It's not that difficult. it happens to everyone, just not with a pretzel
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post #16 of 22
1/14/02 at 5:48pm
It was during the Ravens Game to! I hope he doesn't like miami.
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post #17 of 22
1/14/02 at 6:07pm
[quote]Originally posted by jhtrih:
<strong>It was during the Ravens Game to! I hope he doesn't like miami.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Yah.. he must be a Miami fan. I almost killed myself during that game too.
I'm not living... I'm just killing time.
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post #18 of 22
1/14/02 at 6:23pm
Those pretzels just hate us because of our freedoms.
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post #19 of 22
1/15/02 at 7:08am
Thread Starter 
Apparently, he fell and gave himself the heimlich maneuver.
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post #20 of 22
1/15/02 at 8:51am
No No No the press got the story wrong. <a href="http://satirewire.com/news/jan02/choking.shtml" target="_blank">Bush fainted while choking the pretzel.</a>
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post #21 of 22
1/15/02 at 1:49pm
[quote]Originally posted by pscates:

<strong>It's days like these that chuckleheaded late night comics like Leno, Letterman, Kilborn, O'Brien, etc. fall on their collective knees and thank the mighty gods of comedy for this good fortune bestowed upon them.

</strong><hr></blockquote>

Letterman: It's no laughing matter. He had a cut on his forehead, his cheek was bruised, and this president is not even married to Hillary.
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post #22 of 22
1/15/02 at 1:55pm
ThinkInsane, usually masturbatory references and jokes warrant reaction laughs but this bit was truly inspired:

"Richard Nixon:
Begging my pardon."



[ 01-15-2002: Message edited by: groverat ]</p>
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