Steve Jobs on the cusp of his next, great, big prophetic announcement, takes a sip of bottled water (that fish pee'd in), wipes his brow and steps up to the podium, clearing the phlegmn out of the back of his throat in a cool, slick manner before he begins to speak.
"People, friends, fellow acolytes, today, here, I have something I would like you to see."
Steve pauses for a moment, looking far out into the crowds, watching their eyes grow wider than saucers and speckles of saliva form on their lips. Steve smiles calmly.
"You're going to like this, it will change everything. You will never look at things the same again."
The mouths in the audience begin to open, their breathing increases and their pulses began to accelerate, evidenced by the pulsating arteries in their necks. Steve's smile slowly fades to a more serious grin.
"Today, I present to you, the i-Grip. It is a revolutionary way to... hold a phone."
The crowd gasps! Their minds race in a furor, analyzing every single word that just pursed steves lips into their auditory canals. They scrambled to make sense of every vowel, syllable and consonant.
"You see, we've all been doing it wrong. We've been enslaved for far too long." Steve's grin faded to a serious expression. He held out an i-Phone for everyone to see. The people in the crowd leaned forward, their eyes nearly popping out of their sockets, the rhythmic pulsing in their necks now beginning to thunder with voracious unison.
Steve paused again, holding the phone out with his black-sleeved arm, looking smugly outward as his turtleneck comforted his flock. With a wiggle of his pinky finger he then began to shuffle his hand. Within seconds his grip had changed, his grasp was firm, yet delecately embraced the phone, cradling it with his clenched love.
"The i-Grip, try it, you're going to love it." He smiled widely, teeth glinting through his lips as the sides of his mouth cracked open devilishly.
The crowd erupted in euphoria! Jobs had spoken. It had been said, and thus it had been done! So shall it be written that the i-Grip is their salvation from bondage!