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Advice Re: Dating

post #1 of 40
Thread Starter 
[Sorry I had to edit out this post]

[ 05-05-2002: Message edited by: tonton ]</p>
post #2 of 40
Your friends sound like assholes. Find new friends.
proud resident of a failed state
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post #3 of 40
What groverat said.

People shouldn't be so stupid and shallow. Since when does that figure into anything?

I wouldn't pass up a girl as cool as you make her sound just because you have some shallow, judgemental friends.
post #4 of 40
Besides, can't you find something to make fun of you Chinese friends for? I mean, come on...

Perhaps you can check out Abercrombie & Fitch's website for inspiration.

post #5 of 40
Not to be the asshole here, but his friends sound like about 95% of the population...

Really though, you know what you should do.
post #6 of 40
while I would normally agree with Groverat on this, you gotta consider that he CANT find new friends... they are ALL like that.

My advice, go for it. If the peer pressure gets too intense... well then you have two options: dump the girl or ignore your friends.

Remember one thing though, and take from me I know, a great friendship (especially ones where you just flirt, have great times together, seem to never have an end to things to say, etc) almost always get ruined with sex. Sex somehow brings an entire new dimension into relationships. Of course, there are rare times where indeed you just get lucky and that person is just the 'perfect partner'... but dont bank on it too much.

That said, BANZAI!!!!
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post #7 of 40
Be your own man. Don't let your friends define you.
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post #8 of 40
If he can't find friends that aren't assholes then do without male friends.

[edit]

Men are lone creatures, not pack animals like females. What the hell good are male friends if they are pricks?

And if they screw with you about her, say this: "I'll tell you what, since you think she's ugly I'll blindfold you with dental floss the next time she comes over."

[ 04-22-2002: Message edited by: groverat ]</p>
proud resident of a failed state
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post #9 of 40
1. Good looking women are usually High Maintenence

2. Some of your friends are probably Posers. I mean if they are walking the walk then let'em but don't let that influence you. Someday they'll be crying on your shoulder about their woman leaving them.

3. Go with your heart.
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post #10 of 40
An interesting phenomenon: average (or even below average) looking people are often made beautiful by wit, intelligence, personality, kindness, attitude, etc.

I've ALWAYS been attracted to that, knowing that beauty is indeed skin deep and oftentimes fleeting.

Conversely, it's been my experience that stunningly attractive people have been able to get through their lives on that fact alone, and therefore sometimes lack any substance beyond surface appearances: no brains, no personality, no opinions, etc.

Of course, this isn't always the case. There are exceptions. But if you go around LOOKING for a knock-out, beauty queen/cheerleader/beach bunny type only, you're going to wind up disappointed. Unless, of course, you're equally shallow and fixated on appearances too.

In which case, knock yourself out.



I've been lucky in that I seem to meet and/or date smart, funny women with wonderful personalities and lots to offer. It's my blessed good fortune that they are also total cutie-pies and babydolls.



If they weren't all those other things (smart, funny, clued-in, etc.), their dimples, big toothy smiles and nice round apple butts would mean nothing to me.



Believe me, there is NOTHING uglier than a pretty girl who KNOWS she's pretty, and puts too much stock in it.

Ugh!

Us average looking types have to develop personalities and brains to carry us through life. In the end, we're much better to be around.
post #11 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by pscates:
<strong>Besides, can't you find something to make fun of you Chinese friends for? I mean, come on...

Perhaps you can check out Abercrombie & Fitch's website for inspiration.
</strong><hr></blockquote>

<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> Bwahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!!

J :cool:
post #12 of 40
Definately if you really like her and wanna go out with her then go out with her. Don't listen to your friends. If she's really that cool it shouldn't matter what your friends say.
post #13 of 40
... plus really good looking girls are generally pretty bad shags. they expect the partner to do everything just because they are cute. Sure at first you go nuts and stuff... but its gets tiring when they just layback and hit the cruise control. Blah.
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I'm having deja-vu and amnesia at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
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post #14 of 40
I think you should date this girl,if you like her you have no reason not to.If you found someone that you doubt you will ever find someone as cool as in your entire life you have found someone special,go ask her out and screw what your friends will think.
post #15 of 40
How bout you post her picture and let us make the call
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post #16 of 40
She'd be your girlfriend, not your friends', so what matters is your opinion of her.

It sounds like, for all their boasting, your friends don't have too much luck with all these pretty women. So if things work out well with you and your gal, and you get something long term going, they'll be green with envy. They won't admit it, but they will be.

Go for it
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post #17 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by G4Dude:
<strong>How bout you post her picture and let us make the call </strong><hr></blockquote>

Good idea.
post #18 of 40
Stop ripping on the guy's friends. It's natural to judge people by the way they look, and personally I don't think it's entirely wrong.

Of course, I know girls who may fit the description of this one, and I don't tend to be more than friends. Why? Damn, she's ugly! Good things come to those who wait.
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post #19 of 40
then there's the accurized axiom that always follows that'n...


'he who waits, masturbates' -jesus


cuss

p.s. how much you wanna bet o'boy is a solid 3 too?

p.p.s. least i think it was jesus.


p.p.p.s. i'm a solid 9... just ask.
post #20 of 40
[quote]i'm a solid 9... just ask.<hr></blockquote>

Pocahontas once traded 5 blankets for a night with you.

And I'm betting that 'olboy isn't that far above a 3 himself, using something so superficial as a scale.
proud resident of a failed state
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post #21 of 40
None of these guys happen to watch more anime than is healthy, would they?
post #22 of 40
Ever thought that maybe starting off with her as friends could also introduce some of her friends into the picture too? Start off as friends and see how it goes. Friendships are stronger and last longer. The other "friends" you mentioned aren't friends...they're assholes.

Oh, and read the sig man...the sig...
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I AM THE Royal Pain in the Ass.
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post #23 of 40
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the advice, guys. Sorry I haven't been oline for a while.

I've already decided that I'll stick with her and ignore what my friends think...

She's very liberal, and she only sees us a friends and lovers, but not a "couple", but I think that's just because she's protecting herself. She seems to be pretty well stuck on me.

It's so nice to finally find someone I can share music and books with and talk politics (she's a liberal feminist, but an independently thinking one).

May not sound unusual to you all, but I guarantee you free thinkers are rare in Hong Kong. I won't take my luck for granted here.

Now if only I could get her to buy a Mac...
post #24 of 40
Thread Starter 
Oh... by the way, this might interest some of you:

We met online.
post #25 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by tonton:
<strong>Now if only I could get her to buy a Mac...</strong><hr></blockquote>
Wait... She's not a Mac user?! Shouldn't you have mentioned this before?! And here's everyone judging her on meaningless things like personality!

Congratulations, though, tonton. When it comes to things like this, be selfish. If it makes you happy, that's all that matters.
[quote]Originally posted by pscates:
<strong>Believe me, there is NOTHING uglier than a pretty girl who KNOWS she's pretty, and puts too much stock in it.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Except perhaps a pretty boy.

Out of interest, tonton, how many of your friends have girlfriends?

[ 04-29-2002: Message edited by: Belle ]</p>
Chicanery.
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Chicanery.
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post #26 of 40
A pretty boy who knows he's pretty is basically a girl.
proud resident of a failed state
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proud resident of a failed state
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post #27 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by groverat:
<strong>A pretty boy who knows he's pretty is basically a girl.</strong><hr></blockquote>

To paraphrase: "If you have to act like a girl, why can't you act like a nice girl?"

[ 05-23-2002: Message edited by: Amorph ]</p>
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Becca Sutlive - Iowa Fried Rock 'n Roll - now on iTMS!
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post #28 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by groverat:
<strong>Your friends sound like assholes. Find new friends.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Ditto. Change your definition of "10" to incorporate the traits that will lead to long-term happiness instead of jealousy and passive-aggressive withdrawal.
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post #29 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by tonton:
<strong>she's a liberal feminist, but an independent(ly) thinking one.

</strong><hr></blockquote>

One or the other Tonton, one or the other.
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post #30 of 40
A rather liberal girl once told me that feminists just want to be men.

...but that's neither here nor there....
post #31 of 40
Care to give an update?

I would like to know your friends reaction seeing u with an ugly gal.
post #32 of 40
Not that i ever got to read the original post, but i totally agree with pscates. My friends often think i'm weird, but if somebody is pretty but stupid or a bitch, i _cannot_ find them attractive, no matter how much other people may drool over them.

-robo
post #33 of 40
Thread Starter 
Update:

We've been through a rocky period over the past week, but hopefully as I restore my confidence and maturity (after a long, painful, failed marriage that left me nearly devastated) she and I will be together for a long time. I don't really care about the juvinile opinions of my friends (typical HK local guys) and I'm gladly willing to introduce my lady friend to them.

Actually before I asked the initial question I already knew what decision I would make: that I would stay with her if I found that she was worth it. I can say now that she has far exceeded my expectations and in fact I'm very much in love with her.

If only she can be patient with the residual effects of my difficult past, we can be quite happy together.

I don't want to continue this thread now, and I hope it's all resolved, so if one of the moderators would be so kind, I'd appreciate it if this discussion could be closed. Thanks for all of your opinions. I understand myself better now.
post #34 of 40
:eek:

<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />

WTF !!!

You mean Ive talking to a bunch of girls all this time?!?!

Now listen to me CAREFULLY!

You dump this girl and you dump her now! If a girl cant make herself look pretty shes NOT A GIRL! Find yourself a pretty girl. And if she likes you be nice to her, and then use her as a punching bag. Now, after youre done softening her up, you tell her to get lost, and you move on. Youll be better for it. Trust me.

<img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" /> <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" /> <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />


mika.
post #35 of 40
I listened to my one of my friends in a similar sitiuation a long time ago. It's got to be one of the most stupid things I've done. Follow your heart. One way you may have regrets but, the other means you definitely will. There is never any way to be sure about someone ahead of time. By the time you do it's already too late. If you like her go with it.

One other thing.......I'd wait awhile before introducing her to your friends. Wait until you're good and solid. If they have negative opinions already it may not be a happy introduction.

[ 05-23-2002: Message edited by: jimmac ]</p>
Without the need for difference or a need to always follow the herd breeds complacency, mediocrity, and a lack of imagination
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Without the need for difference or a need to always follow the herd breeds complacency, mediocrity, and a lack of imagination
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post #36 of 40
jimmac is right.

I have similar situation when I was much younger. I don't go out in public with her and I never introduce her to my friends, knowing that they will diss me for dating someone that is not so pretty.

She confronted me about it and we broke up soon after. I still think about her sometimes. She is wonderful, cool, nice and she really care about me. I was being a jerk not realizing it at the time and now it is too late. I haven't met anyone even come close to the connection that I have with her for years afterwards.

If your friends don't accept her, change friends. A match is much harder to find than friends.
post #37 of 40
Thread Starter 
I agree with Sundae here. I've made my decision and I'm happy with it. I guess I'm not so solid with her yet (after less than 6 weeks of seeing eachother) and I know she's very sensitive about others' perceptions (even though she denies it).

Mr. KILLA, your senseless flamebait is better tried elsewhere. I won't be insulted or offended by your weak attempt at humor.

And my girlfriend does know how to make herself look attractive, very much so. She's got a great sense of style, and she carries herself well. She's got a great figure. And every time I look into her eyes, I feel I want to look more and more. And when I look at her lips I want to kiss them (and I do).

Her attractiveness is in her attitude, her confidence, her style and so much more. So she won't be gracing any magazine covers. So what. She'll be there in my heart and right there by my side to make me happy and to make me proud.
post #38 of 40
[quote]Originally posted by tonton:
<strong>I agree with Sundae here. I've made my decision and I'm happy with it. I guess I'm not so solid with her yet (after less than 6 weeks of seeing eachother) and I know she's very sensitive about others' perceptions (even though she denies it).

Mr. KILLA, your senseless flamebait is better tried elsewhere. I won't be insulted or offended by your weak attempt at humor.

And my girlfriend does know how to make herself look attractive, very much so. She's got a great sense of style, and she carries herself well. She's got a great figure. And every time I look into her eyes, I feel I want to look more and more. And when I look at her lips I want to kiss them (and I do).

Her attractiveness is in her attitude, her confidence, her style and so much more. So she won't be gracing any magazine covers. So what. She'll be there in my heart and right there by my side to make me happy and to make me proud.</strong><hr></blockquote>
One thing is sure you love her, the rest should not matter. Be happy.

post #39 of 40
At least you have one.

I am here waiting for the girl I need.

1) White skin
2) Black hair
3) Black eyes
4) Sexy
5) Thin
6) Funny
7) Intelligent enough to discuss with me.
8) Dumb enough to never win an argument against me.
post #40 of 40
OK, time to honor tonton's wish...
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Becca Sutlive - Iowa Fried Rock 'n Roll - now on iTMS!
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"...within intervention's distance of the embassy." - CvB

Original music:
The Mayflies - Black earth Americana. Now on iTMS!
Becca Sutlive - Iowa Fried Rock 'n Roll - now on iTMS!
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