Last night I went to bar, had a few too many, dropped my rocks glass, it hit the counter, shattered, went to the floor and cut my foot (I was wearing sandals). Ambulance came, took me to the hostpital and got 10 stitches, not before I punched out the nurse for cutting my Calvin Klein jeans off.
I'm suing the bartender for not cutting me off, the bar for hiring such an inept employee, the bar again for using glass that doesn't break, the counter manufacturer for not adding rubberized raiils to protect from such mishaps (after all, it IS a bar), the liquor manufacturer for making a product that KNOWINGLY causes an altered state of consciousness... and it burned when it hit my open wound. I'm suing the ambulance for such an expensive trip, and that friggin nurse, for destroying my jeans (seriously, they aren't onesies with built in booties... It was just a foot). Oh yeah, and the damn cops for arresting me on TWO charges: Public Intoxication and assault. Oh, and I'm sure I can name Apple for something that happened that night too.
Show me the money. I'm proud to be American.