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The Avril Lavigne Conspiracy

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
I was reading the latest Rolling Stone while taking care of business and I suddenly realized why this talentless waste of oxygen gets so much press: Rolling Stone and MTV hate her.

Now let me explain, because it seems far-fetched. Every issue of Rolling Stone has a small interview with the pint-sized pretender and she's on MTV constantly, but it's not because they think she's worthwhile.

She's included in Rolling Stone's "People Of The Year" and I discovered the conspiracy and the vacant look in her eyes, like a cow chewing cud.

When you put her in the mix with actual musicians or even people who are not imbeciles it becomes clear that giving her exposure is like watching Jerry Lewis fumble around a department store.

RS to AL: Have you managed to keep it real? (Obvously a mocking question. Her whole image is "I'm real!" and she can't pass up an opportunity to say it. RS hands her a noose and she obligingly puts her head through.)
AL: ****, yeah. I'm the exact same person I was two years ago. I'm not, like, a stuck-up little bitch, like some other rock stars get.

Later in the small interview we see phrases like "I don't like thinking."

Later on comes Kelly Osbourne's interview, where Miss Lavigne comes up.
RS to KO: You know whose fault it (pop starts trying to seem rock) is? Pink. she reinvented herself as a rocker, and now everyone thinks they can do it.
KO: Pink isn't rock. That's like saying Avril Lavigne is rock. That's not ****ing rock. I get what people see in her, though. She's cute. If she's trying to be rock and she says her idol is Johnny Rzeznick, I don't think she'll get very far.

Which leads to Jack White (of The White Stripes), who doesn't discuss Miss Lavigne directly, but says the following which applies to her more than anyone else I can think of.
RS to JW: Are you a music-history buff?
JW: I try not to over-know things. But I do have a chip on my shoulder that a lot of contemporary people don't know anything about music: They know about the Eighties, but they don't know anything about Johnny Cash. It gets me really upset when people call themselves musician and they don't know the history that they're joining.

Case closed: every joke needs a victim. Avril Lavigne is it for now.

[ 11-26-2002: Message edited by: groverat ]</p>
proud resident of a failed state
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post #2 of 26
hmm, who are you talking about? could you post some images?

post #3 of 26
Never heard of her. Is she part of FTMsucks?
post #4 of 26
I don't think she's so bad. She owns up to the fact that she has no real punk or rock credibility.

She has catchy tunes, too.

I'd rather hear her stuff than Britney or Christina's, anyway.

To the people who don't know who she is, do the lines
"He was a skater boy, she said see ya later boy..."

Or "Why ya have to go and make things so complicated?" sound familiar?

You can't escape them on Top 40 radio around here.

Jeff

[ 11-26-2002: Message edited by: jeffyboy ]</p>
What are you up to, Norm?

My ideal weight if I were 11 feet tall.
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What are you up to, Norm?

My ideal weight if I were 11 feet tall.
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post #5 of 26
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />

Here's a photo of here trying to be "real" at a radio station in Boston. Wow, she looks pretty haggard...



Here's a press release photo...



She's the punk rock Tiffany of the 21st century...don't blink or you'll miss her... <img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Chilling]" />
I AM THE Royal Pain in the Ass.
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I AM THE Royal Pain in the Ass.
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post #6 of 26
a few things i'd like to point out:

no one should listen to anything that kelly osborne has to say. ever.

i like avril simply because i cannot, under any circumstances, survive another britney-clone (including miss spears herself). i want her fifteen minutes of fame to expire already, yet every copycat that the record companies generate gives even more attention to her by means of comparison. i liked her when she was the naughty school-girl britney (and that was more of an eye-candy approval than anything else), and it stopped there. enough is enough.

and finally, with regards to mr. white's comments, i appreciate what he is trying to say. you do have to have some knowledge of the history of any field you go into if you want to add anything of value to it. however, you have to be really careful that knowledge doesn't transform into an elitist attitude. i cannot tell you how many "designers" and "artists" don't give me the time of day because i didn't go through art school like they did, or don't know every contemporary designer's work, or whatever. eventually, real life calls, and i gotta get work done. and i think i do pretty well (it still pisses off a "friend" or two of mine who spent YEARS in design school, yet haven't advanced in the field any further than i have from cutting my teeth working in slave print production for the past few years).

[ 11-26-2002: Message edited by: rok ]</p>
When you're lovers in a dangerous time,
You're made to feel as if your love's a crime.
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.
Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight.

-...
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When you're lovers in a dangerous time,
You're made to feel as if your love's a crime.
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.
Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight.

-...
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post #7 of 26
Looks like a cross between Jennifer Aniston and Sarah Michelle Gellar.
post #8 of 26
Blonde dude in picture with her = my friend from high school.

Lead guitarist now.

He's a good guy. Says she's a massive bitch.
post #9 of 26
[quote]Originally posted by Jonathan:
<strong>Blonde dude in picture with her = my friend from high school.

Lead guitarist now.

He's a good guy. Says she's a massive bitch.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Of all types of evidence available to support a claim, anecdotal evidence is my favorite. I love this stuff. Sure, I do scientific studies and have to provide rigorous proofs, but honestly "Well, it worked while we were watching a CSI rerun last night" is much more useful in practical terms.

I wonder if anyone can provide some evidence that Ms. Lavigne was a teenage skater skank before she got an expensive stylist?
Chicanery.
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Chicanery.
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post #10 of 26
[quote]Originally posted by groverat:
<strong>I was reading the latest Rolling Stone while taking care of business and ....</strong><hr></blockquote>
lovely...more than we needed to know. :eek: <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />

crapping to pleasuring self? i don't want to know but i've heard you can get hemorrhoids by reading on the crapper

[ 11-26-2002: Message edited by: burningwheel ]</p>
post #11 of 26
[quote]Originally posted by ColanderOfDeath:
<strong>Looks like a cross between Jennifer Aniston and Sarah Michelle Gellar.</strong><hr></blockquote>
she's good looking with make-up but scary without. from this picture i don't think she has natural beauty

[ 11-26-2002: Message edited by: burningwheel ]</p>
post #12 of 26
Taking care of business? I always though Rolling Stone was better for simple TP than for actual toilet reading material.

Anyway, I was sick of Avril Lavigne since the first minute.
Cynical thought at that instant: "Oh, here's a new flavor of produced garbage. They must be trying to target the square pegs."

And Kelly Osbourne is somewhat right. Lavigne is not "rock" as I would call it, but I suppose that by definition, she is definitely rock. Similar music passed for rock in the 60's, though I think the music scene has branched out to the point at which "rock" is not a good hold-all for all types of primarily melodic popular music. Regardless, I don't know what else to call it aside from "pop garbage."

One last thing:
She's not hot. My general rule of thumb is that if you're in the entertainment industry and there are better looking Princeton students (disclaimer: who were accepted on academic merits), you're not hot. Even on a more absolute scale, I see nothing attractive about her.
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post #13 of 26
Thread Starter 
[quote]i like avril simply because i cannot, under any circumstances, survive another britney-clone <hr></blockquote>

That makes no sense.

Are we forced to like one or the other?


Belle:

[quote]I wonder if anyone can provide some evidence that Ms. Lavigne was a teenage skater skank before she got an expensive stylist?<hr></blockquote>

She sang country music at county fairs and such, apparently.


Kelly Osbourne is no real authority, but she is completely right, anyone who idolizes Johnny freaking Rzeznik has nothing valid to say about rock'n'roll.
proud resident of a failed state
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post #14 of 26
[quote]she good looking with make-up but scary without. from this picture i don't she has natural beauty <hr></blockquote>

Agreed. She looks like a mediocre plain jane in the first picture. Looks eminently bangable in the second one. Good example of the wonders that can be done with professional styling and such.
post #15 of 26
Its just music.
"What makes a man turn... neutral?" -Futurama
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"What makes a man turn... neutral?" -Futurama
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post #16 of 26
I knew a girl who was physically a carbon-copy of Avril. It is physically impossible to tell them apart by looking at their faces.
post #17 of 26
You guys might want to cut her some slack...she's only 16 for heaven sake. What do you expect, some musical child prodigy at that age?
I'm not saying she's talented or even like her music but give her credit for doing what she doing and making a tidy sum of money. Sure it may last 15 minutes but what the f*ck were you guys doing at 16 years old.

As far as Kelly Osbourne, what the f*ck has she ever done to warrant any sort of attention let alone her opinions. I really don't get the fascination with that idiotic show about her family.
post #18 of 26
[quote]Originally posted by satchmo:
<strong>You guys might want to cut her some slack...she's only 16 for heaven sake. What do you expect, some musical child prodigy at that age?
I'm not saying she's talented or even like her music but give her credit for doing what she doing and making a tidy sum of money. Sure it may last 15 minutes but what the f*ck were you guys doing at 16 years old.

As far as Kelly Osbourne, what the f*ck has she ever done to warrant any sort of attention let alone her opinions. I really don't get the fascination with that idiotic show about her family.</strong><hr></blockquote>


Exactly. She;s 16, writes and sings her own music. You don't like it, don't listen to it. P{ersonally MTV can lick the flies off my dogs shit in the backyard. They are nothing but racist rich eletist assholes who buck up to what they think is fassionable. Tom Green humping a moose? Jackass? Realworld? RoadRules? That stupid game show they used to have? Um, guys, where the FRICKING MUSIC in the M-fricking-TV?? They needed another fricking channel just to play fricking music!! They'll censor out blunt, splif, smoke, puff, between her thighs and many more from rap songs but will live "bitch" "ass" "nuts" and others in rock songs? Screw them.

As for that rude, nasty, skank, discusting, talentless, ignorant, inconciderent, pompus, foul mouthed, foul mannered evil offspring off the bat eater himself (which i do like to an extent) what the frick does she have to say about anything? They only interviewed her because the Ozzes are hot now and they wanted that racy factor by wondering how many beeps they'd get from her.

Anyways, hahaha, sorry bouyt the rant, MTV really burns me, thank god for Much Music but i do like Avril, I hope she continues to grow as a musician and song writer.
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post #19 of 26
Even more reason why I prefer Q to RS on the throne.

But you got to admit the "complicated" song is hella catchy. Her voice is decent and if she actually wrote that song she's obviously got musical talent.
post #20 of 26
I like her songs, especially complicated.

but i believe she is just one of those singers who won't last long in the music industry. She doesn't seem to have that X factor. <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />
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post #21 of 26
[quote]Originally posted by stunned:
<strong>I like her songs, especially complicated.

but i believe she is just one of those singers who won't last long in the music industry. She doesn't seem to have that X factor. <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>

Or the XXX factor... <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />

I AM THE Royal Pain in the Ass.
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I AM THE Royal Pain in the Ass.
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post #22 of 26
her face looks like lavagna ...

[the black, white or green board in a classroom where the lecturers used to write the notes for the class... before they discovered the computers]

[= draw in it something to look at]
How many problems have you modified or originated in the past 1 day?
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How many problems have you modified or originated in the past 1 day?
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post #23 of 26
I guess if she weren't a pop star she'd be a refrigerator repairwoman.
post #24 of 26
[quote]Originally posted by KidRed:
<strong>


Tom Green humping a moose? Jackass? Realworld? RoadRules? That stupid game show they used to have? Um, guys, where the FRICKING MUSIC in the M-fricking-TV?? They needed another fricking channel just to play fricking music!! They'll censor out blunt, splif, smoke, puff, between her thighs and many more from rap songs but will live "bitch" "ass" "nuts" and others in rock songs? Screw them.

.</strong><hr></blockquote>


Bullseye Kidred. If I hear somethings popular on MTV I avoid it. That network has degraded beyond belief. God save the Queen
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He's a mod so he has a few extra vBulletin privileges. That doesn't mean he should stop posting or should start acting like Digital Jesus.
- SolipsismX
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post #25 of 26
At 33 I'm am apparently so far out "of the loop" because I don't even know who this is.

:eek:

But she seems like a real peach.



Let me guess: another manufactured (despite her claims to the contrary), propped-up formula act for the masses? Sure, why not...

Here's a clue: if you have to SAY you "keep it real", well...

post #26 of 26
Pretty Much. The early buzz was that she was a pop-star who didn't have to dress provocatively to sell her image... But that really isn't saying much.
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