I never feel depressed. Yet...Today, I feel like something really important has left my life and I am..damn..depressed.
As a taoist, I have been endeavoring to cultivate a mindset of non-attachment to events such as that of Steve Jobs' passing. It is, after all, part of the wonder of life. But...ugh. I can only cry as I think and think about this. So much for years of, ahem, cultivation.
It was thanks to a power mac and photoshop and a pilfered computer lab account at a local university (years and decades ago) which led to a career in graphic design...and the subsequent dollars earned which let me purchase a house..put my (now ex-) wife through acupuncture school, etc. etc. etc. The years of my life..which directly benefited from learning layout, design, the wonder of fonts, the infinitude of photoshop's flexibility...were the best I have spent on this planet thus far.
I think..I think today...my sadness really comes from understanding..deeply and with a lamentable finality..that those days are gone. Yet, still...I can't help but directly attribute the wonder-years of my beingness to the life of Steve Jobs and his vision which resulted in similar tales for so many others..of course there were others like him who accomplished similar things...but...His belief in his vision was of such breadth that I was able to butter my bread for years and years. For, should have Bill Gates and Windows been the only option...well, hell, I probably would have ended up flipping burgers or something.
damn. It's complicated, I don't understand entirely. I'm grieving for something...Steve Jobs..a former life. Who knows. All I know is that some thing is missing..and it hit me like a hammer to the head when I walked by an LCD t.v. in Metrotown mall announcing that Steve was dead. fuck.