this is what I did and as a general disclaimer I do not guarantee successful smart group merging/syncing FOR OTHERS...it was a fussy procedure and I had to fiddle with it so...
EXPORT A VCARD OF ALL YOUR CONTACTS TO YOUR DESKTOP AND FILE AWAY SAFELY AS A BACKUP
ONLINE
Go to icloud on you browser and log in
go to the address book on line
create the same smart groups names that that you created in you mac address book...COMPLETELY THE SAME
merge or let it merge
ON YOUR COMPUTER
in your mac address book you will end up with your original smart groups and also the "icloud" smart groups and the same smart groups on your iphone
the icloud groups will be empty...the iphone groups will be empty
on you mac, in your address book select an original smart group then go over and select all of its contents and drag them to the newly created "icloud" groups
you will see things start to happen
things should start agreeing...I had to turn everything off at one point on my phone and then turn it on again to get complete agreement so don't forget to make
a vcard of all your contacts for safety first...
ALL THE BEST...