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Colbert for President!

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
Story here:

Colbert on the issues:

-- Unemployment: "Suck it up, unemployed. It is your own damn fault that you don't have a job ... So stop scapegoating Wall Street."
-- Corporate taxes: "If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
-- Government helping Americans in need: "I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical!"
-- Gays: "There is nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell."
-- America's role in world: "If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it."
-- Immigration: "This is America. I don't want my tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan, and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian."
And he advocates arresting illegal immigrants and throwing them in "jail -- then we can force them to pick our crops as prison labor."
-- Civil rights: "I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law."
-- Muslims: "Every permit granted to a mosque is one denied to an American house of worship."

Even though this is satire, his extremist views mirror those of a large segment of "middle America".

He may be in with a chance!
"We've never made the case, or argued the case that somehow Osama bin Laden was directly involved in 9/11. That evidence has never been forthcoming". VP Cheney, 3/29/2006. Interview by Tony Snow
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"We've never made the case, or argued the case that somehow Osama bin Laden was directly involved in 9/11. That evidence has never been forthcoming". VP Cheney, 3/29/2006. Interview by Tony Snow
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post #2 of 2
Here's what I call my "666 Plan" for the American heartland-


1) Increase CO2 levels to over 1000 ppm, in my first term in office, so the poor can finally take a bath, wherever they live.

2) Cut taxes to 1% for the wealthiest 1% and conversley increase them to 40% for the poorest 40%. You can't get fairer than that, especially for the rich.

3) Privatise roads and pavements. That should solve the begging crisis.

4) Export more jobs to China. That'll wipeout the unions and give us someone with a few planes and ships to go to war with, at last.

5) I pledge to irradicate gay life and I'll use our strong, strapping, powerful, and decorated military to do it.

6) List E, section 17, sub section 24N5 and all related clauses, will be* enacted on my first day in office.


* Pending on levels of lobbying funds gathered.
"Islam is as dangerous in a man as rabies in a dog"~ Sir Winston Churchill. We are nurturing a nightmare that will haunt our children, and kill theirs.
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"Islam is as dangerous in a man as rabies in a dog"~ Sir Winston Churchill. We are nurturing a nightmare that will haunt our children, and kill theirs.
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