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Genius training manual details banned words for Apple employees - Page 2

post #41 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by jragosta View Post


That was my experience. If you're polite and reasonable and if their search of your history shows that you don't abuse the system, they often go WAY beyond what is required.
My iPhone 4 fell in the pool last year. After drying it out, it worked for a while and then started dropping calls and having other problems. I went to the local Apple Store, fully intending to pay the $200 replacement fee for a refurb and they simply swapped it out at no charge. And that was one of the few times that I didn't get AppleCare for a mobile device.


Agreed.  I've had more 'stunned' experiences at an Apple Genius Bar than I've ever had with any other business in my life.   For example; they once replaced my WAY out of warranty, end of life G5 Mac Pro with a dead power supply with a brand new still in a sealed box Intel Mac Pro.  They also replaced my daughter's iPhone after she cracked the front glass while bowling with a brand new sealed iPhone (Might have been a refurb, but...) 

post #42 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naboozle View Post

Doesn't sound like they consulted George Carlin on this one.

 

Crash, Freeze, Hang, C***, C********, M*********** and T***...


LMAO! I regularly run through all 7 words when my Mac freezes, crashes, hangs,....becomes unresponsive.  Sometimes I make up new ones! (and usually it's do to some crappy software).

post #43 of 69

And what do the Microsoft Genius' call the Blue Screen of Death?


NORMAL.

post #44 of 69

With Microsoft OS here is their word usage

 

IRQ problems  -  Feature

Registry problems - Enhancement

Virus attacks - Free Productivity applications

Driver problems - Advanced Functionality

post #45 of 69

Crash, boom, and bamb.

 

Those are word that describe what Ballmer does each morning when he's, once again, out innovated, out maneuvered, etc.

   I am long on my shares of AAPL at $37.00

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   I am long on my shares of AAPL at $37.00

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post #46 of 69

The fact that such a manual exists is, in fact, genius. 

   I am long on my shares of AAPL at $37.00

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   I am long on my shares of AAPL at $37.00

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post #47 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by jragosta View Post


That was my experience. If you're polite and reasonable and if their search of your history shows that you don't abuse the system, they often go WAY beyond what is required.
My iPhone 4 fell in the pool last year. After drying it out, it worked for a while and then started dropping calls and having other problems. I went to the local Apple Store, fully intending to pay the $200 replacement fee for a refurb and they simply swapped it out at no charge. And that was one of the few times that I didn't get AppleCare for a mobile device.

 

Same with me, except it fell in a lake, last week. Out of warranty. I was fully prepared to pay the fee to get it replaced. They swapped it out at no charge. 

 

Bought a 13" MBA 2 days ago. Re Applecare the convo went like this:

 

-"Do you know about Apple care? 

- Yep. 

-You want it?

-Nope. 

-"Ok great. You have a year from today to purchase if you change your mind" 

 

Also, the store had a shitload of employees. 

 

I haven't seen a shred of evidence that any of this internet chatter has any merit to it whatsoever. Service is still amazing, still getting freebies, Apple care wasn't 'shoved down my throat', and there were almost as many employees as customers, even though the store was packed. But I guess websites need clickbait. 

post #48 of 69

The words that are in the "Don't use" column are buzzwords though. Anyone who's worked with computers for years will know them, but to the uninitiated they might be confusing or intimidating. To your analogy, it would be like the doctor telling the patient they have "bronchioloalveolar carcinoma" - yes, it's the correct term in medical circles and to Latin scholars, but to everybody else, it's meaningless. "Not responding" is like "lung cancer" in this analogy in that it will be understood by anyone with a working knowledge of English.

post #49 of 69

Bravo! Right on the mark!

post #50 of 69

My wife works for a huge business software company. They do the same thing.

I am sure most computer/electronics companies do the same as well.

post #51 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by boga3 View Post

 

5 Popular lines to us when breaking up or picking a fight to break up with that same Apple Genius :

  1. "yeah, I'm not all all looking for a relationship right now. I am really trying to build up my social network of friends right now and I'm sooo glad I met you!
  2. "I just don't feel that there is enough room in your life for me, Siri and Apple blog trolling"
  3. "I don't think it's ok to recite lines from Steve Jobs (the book) during our intimate times"
  4. "It's not you, it's me. But mostly you!"
  5. "I secretly think Apple should make their iOS Free. What do you think?"

 

 

Just wondering... ...haven't really been looking during my visits, but since you brought it up, don't think I've seen many if any female Apple Genii... ...anyone with more experience who knows how well they're represented in the ranks?  

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NotRichard View Post

Standard Operating Procedure in upscale restaurants. If a waiter says "crispy" he means "fried." If he says "briny" he means "salty." If he says "it's interesting" he means "I wouldn't order it but my boss says to sell it."

The restaurant's likely not too upscale if it's offering "crispy."  That is, I hate to break it to you, but KFC is not haute cuisine.....

An iPhone, a Leatherman and thou...  ...life is complete.

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An iPhone, a Leatherman and thou...  ...life is complete.

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post #52 of 69

"Feel, felt, found" is ancient.  I learned it at least 20 years ago when being trained to work a charity telethon.

 

I thought Apple would use some great Jedi mind tricks and not a cheap Willy Loman strategy.  Eh.

post #53 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caanan @ No Vacation Required View Post

what about "spinning beach ball of death?"  Is that in the playbook?

 

Side note:  The logic board on my MBA (2011) failed last week.  Took it to Apple and - despite the fact that my MBA is no longer under warranty and I don't have AppleCare - they fixed it for free.  I was stunned.

 

 

 

 

Kernel panic instead of BSOD.

"Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone."

John C. Dvorak, 2007
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"Apple should pull the plug on the iPhone."

John C. Dvorak, 2007
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post #54 of 69

I guess spinning beach ball of death would get you axed. LOL

 

I hate the genius bar.  I know whats up with my hardware and I dont need to be treated like an idiot.

post #55 of 69
Originally Posted by down-low View Post
I hate the genius bar.  I know whats up with my hardware and I dont need to be treated like an idiot.

 

Not everything that Apple does caters to you.

Originally posted by Relic

...those little naked weirdos are going to get me investigated.
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Originally posted by Relic

...those little naked weirdos are going to get me investigated.
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post #56 of 69

Wait wait wait... this is insane! You mean to tell me that Gizmodo is still around!?!

post #57 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by down-low View Post

I hate the genius bar.  I know whats up with my hardware and I dont need to be treated like an idiot.

Then don't go to the Genius Bar. Problem solved.
"I'm way over my head when it comes to technical issues like this"
Gatorguy 5/31/13
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"I'm way over my head when it comes to technical issues like this"
Gatorguy 5/31/13
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post #58 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maltz View Post

I taught myself a lot of this kind of stuff on my own when I worked at a computer store in college.....  Nothing wrong with that, imo.

+1

They are Soft Skills....without doubt the most important part of a job where you are interacting with customers.  CompTIA had a whole course on this strictly for IT.  There is nothing new here, and I expect other IT businesses to scramble for this handbook because it's probably another fine example of Apple genius.

post #59 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maltz View Post

 

Banning the use of IMPRECISE language is the idea.  What does "Crash" mean?  Kernel panic?  Did an application unexpectedly quit?  Or just stop responding?  The whole computer or just one application?  I could go on.  Avoiding common, highly-vague terms helps focus in on the problem faster - and that's good for the customer and the genius.

 

The banned terms aren't imprecise. They have a very definite technical meaning. For example, an application hanging or becoming unresponsive is called a bomb. But not everyone knows the technical meaning so it's probably right not to use them with most customers.

post #60 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caanan @ No Vacation Required View Post

what about "spinning beach ball of death?"  Is that in the playbook?

I'd go with Zen Rainbow of Patience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slurpy 
if I was Apple I would do the same thing. What the hell does 'crash' and 'freeze' mean anyway? Non-responsive is more technically correct.

I don't think it's for accuracy but rather reducing the negativity in the situation. Same reason they use 'thin' instead of 'thick'. The rMBP isn't 0.71" thick, it's 0.71" thin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kotatsu 
Imagine if a doctor did that - sorry you have lung canc... oh I mean, your lungs have stopped responding.

They do to some extent. Remember when Steve Jobs was told he had cancer, he was told to 'get his affairs in order', which he noted was doctor's code for 'prepare to die'. They say things like 'passed away' instead of 'died in a fit of rage by choking on some vomit'. If a harsh description isn't going to make a difference, they might as well use some euphemisms.
post #61 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caanan @ No Vacation Required View Post

what about "spinning beach ball of death?"  Is that in the playbook?

 

Side note:  The logic board on my MBA (2011) failed last week.  Took it to Apple and - despite the fact that my MBA is no longer under warranty and I don't have AppleCare - they fixed it for free.  I was stunned.

 

 

 

 

I live overseas.  When the logic board failed on my white Macbook 14 months after it was purchased, I called up the U.S. Apple hotline and they approved a free repair at my local authorized repair center. And last January, precisely 13 months later, the logic board failed again!!!  I called the hotline again, and 4 days later after talking to about 3-4 Apple representatives, and after some serious complaining on my part, they approved another free repair. Wow!  

post #62 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maltz View Post

 

Banning the use of IMPRECISE language is the idea.  What does "Crash" mean?  Kernel panic?  Did an application unexpectedly quit?  Or just stop responding?  The whole computer or just one application?  I could go on.  Avoiding common, highly-vague terms helps focus in on the problem faster - and that's good for the customer and the genius.

 

It has nothing to do with imprecise language. Are you really arguing you don't understand what "crash" means when someone uses in relation to a computer?  If I said, "Mail crashed." are you honestly saying you'd be confused by what I meant?  It's about the negative emotion that gets associated with those words. Even the manual says that.

post #63 of 69
Sorry, but I've dealt with enough thoroughly confused, technically illiterate users to know that they can and do mean anything and everything when using terms like "crash." It shouldn't be imprecise, but it is -- so they're right not to use it.
post #64 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigpics View Post

Just wondering... ...haven't really been looking during my visits, but since you brought it up, don't think I've seen many if any female Apple Genii... ...anyone with more experience who knows how well they're represented in the ranks?  

 

The restaurant's likely not too upscale if it's offering "crispy."  That is, I hate to break it to you, but KFC is not haute cuisine.....

Three Star Italian Seafood in NYC. The Italians fry a LOT. ;-)

The difference between sauteéd and fried is about 1/8th of an inch of oil. 

post #65 of 69

No worries there mate, wouldnt go unless my motherboard fries and I need some compassion and to claim my warranty rights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jragosta View Post


Then don't go to the Genius Bar. Problem solved.
post #66 of 69

No !#$% especially their shiny glossy screens.  

 

Apple is a perfect company with zero problems.  Everything they do is the best and there is nothing they need to improve upon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallest Skil View Post

 

Not everything that Apple does caters to you.

post #67 of 69
Originally Posted by down-low View Post
No !#$% especially their shiny glossy screens.

 

The ones that represent their contents far more accurately than do matte screens, yes.

 

 Apple is a perfect company with zero problems.  Everything they do is the best and there is nothing they need to improve upon.

 

Because I certainly said or implied anything of that sort whatsoever.

Originally posted by Relic

...those little naked weirdos are going to get me investigated.
Reply

Originally posted by Relic

...those little naked weirdos are going to get me investigated.
Reply
post #68 of 69

I took this training several months ago and it was very good.  You can train a monkey to fix computers but when it comes to customer interaction most techies fall flat on their face.  We did at least an hour of customer interaction senarios each day and it was well worth it trying to comeback with a response that your mother or grandmother would understand.  I was very impressed with Apple's training and focus on the customer.  Its all about creating promoters and fixing relationships between users and their computers.

post #69 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by caliminius View Post

 

It has nothing to do with imprecise language. Are you really arguing you don't understand what "crash" means when someone uses in relation to a computer?  If I said, "Mail crashed." are you honestly saying you'd be confused by what I meant?  It's about the negative emotion that gets associated with those words. Even the manual says that.

 

Yes, that is exactly what I said in the bit of text you quoted in your own post.  Did you read it?  I gave several examples of what a customer might mean when they use the term "crash".  Basically, any behavior other than what they expect.

 

Of course it's also about the negative connotation but precision is also a factor, arguably the more important one.

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