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InactionMan VS Raccoon. ...Raccoon Wins.

post #1 of 39
8/11/03 at 11:40pm
Thread Starter 
Damn raccoon has decided that I have the tastiest garbage in town. I've got a wood garage that he bored a hole through and now feasts nightly on the remnants of my Kraft Dinner and coffee grinds.

I've tried throwing ammonia soaked rags in the garbage can, I've tried using bungie cords, I even strung the garbage can to the rafters of the garage. Nothing. Every morning I wake and feel the shame of losing to a giant rodent.

Last night I heard the little bugger in there again and decided to confront him to ask him why he thought my garbage was so much tastier than everyone else's. So I stood in wait with a flashlight in one hand and my left hiking boot in the other. The flashlight was off because well the element of surprise and stuff, when I turned it on the raccoon was sitting five feet in front of me staring me down.

Needless to say, I screamed, dropped both the boot and the flashlight and ran inside to the womb-like comfort of AppleInsider. But AI isn't enough this time, I need to rid myself of this problem.

So, how the hell do I defeat this beast?


He's in there right now. I can hear him.........quietly laughing at me.
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post #2 of 39
8/11/03 at 11:42pm
Quote:
Originally posted by InactionMan
Damn raccoon has decided that I have the tastiest garbage in town. I've got a wood garage that he bored a hole through and now feasts nightly on the remnants of my Kraft Dinner and coffee grinds.

I've tried throwing ammonia soaked rags in the garbage can, I've tried using bungie cords, I even strung the garbage can to the rafters of the garage. Nothing. Every morning I wake and feel the shame of losing to a giant rodent.

Last night I heard the little bugger in there again and decided to confront him to ask him why he thought my garbage was so much tastier than everyone else's. So I stood in wait with a flashlight in one hand and my left hiking boot in the other. The flashlight was off because well the element of surprise and stuff, when I turned it on the raccoon was sitting five feet in front of me staring me down.

So, how the hell do I defeat this beast?


He's in there right now. I can hear him.........quietly laughing at me.

We had a racoon come into our backyard and my brother had to beat it off with some golf clubs. Do you have a BB gun. That's what I armed myself with, but never got the chance to shoot the bugger because once my dad put up a fence he never came back.
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post #3 of 39
8/11/03 at 11:45pm
Air rifle? Or a bat would be my choice. But if you want to listen to all those PEDA people, stop up the hole with something more solid like plexy glass or something.
And all that could have been.
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And all that could have been.
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post #4 of 39
8/11/03 at 11:48pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Argento
But if you want to listen to all those PEDA people...

They'd probably tell ya that feeding garbage to a racoon is inhumane and constitutes animal cruelty, and you should be thrown in jail. Because of that, I wouldn't listen to any PETA people.
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post #5 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:04am
Has the UN banned the use of Napalm against racoons?
"Beware the Jabberwock , my son! The jaws that bite, the claw that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the the frumious Bandersnatch!"

from Jabberwocky, excerpt from Alice through the looking...
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"Beware the Jabberwock , my son! The jaws that bite, the claw that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the the frumious Bandersnatch!"

from Jabberwocky, excerpt from Alice through the looking...
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post #6 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:20am
Quote:
Originally posted by LiquidR
Has the UN banned the use of Napalm against racoons?

No, but I think bunge and PETA have. Just kidding, bunge.
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post #7 of 39
8/12/03 at 4:35am
Quote:
Originally posted by InactionMan


So, how the hell do I defeat this beast?


Posion or a gun.
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post #8 of 39
8/12/03 at 4:44am
Triangle Man vs. Universe Man... Triangle wins.
We were once so close to heaven
Peter came out and gave us medals
Declaring us the nicest of the damned -- They Might Be Giants          See the stars at skyviewcafe.com
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We were once so close to heaven
Peter came out and gave us medals
Declaring us the nicest of the damned -- They Might Be Giants          See the stars at skyviewcafe.com
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post #9 of 39
8/12/03 at 5:32am
Shotgun.

Racoons, although they have cute hands and a neat mask, are vile creatures which spread rabies - don't shed a tear.
cygnuhchur
spotbug is dead. Long live spotcatbug!
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cygnuhchur
spotbug is dead. Long live spotcatbug!
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post #10 of 39
8/12/03 at 7:01am
Fantastic first post.

I recommend a gun. Kraft Dinner? You are Canadian?

Canada has more guns than trees. Shoot the son of a bitch and move on.
proud resident of a failed state
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proud resident of a failed state
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post #11 of 39
8/12/03 at 7:36am
Quote:
Originally posted by InactionMan
I've tried throwing ammonia soaked rags in the garbage can, I've tried using bungie cords, I even strung the garbage can to the rafters of the garage. Nothing. Every morning I wake and feel the shame of losing to a giant rodent.

If it helps ease your shame, you haven't been bested by a mere rodent. Raccoons are members not of the order Rodentia, but of the order Carnivora. Yes, you can hold your head high and say that your latest can of whoop-ass has been delivered to you by a fearsome carnivore!
We were once so close to heaven
Peter came out and gave us medals
Declaring us the nicest of the damned -- They Might Be Giants          See the stars at skyviewcafe.com
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We were once so close to heaven
Peter came out and gave us medals
Declaring us the nicest of the damned -- They Might Be Giants          See the stars at skyviewcafe.com
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post #12 of 39
8/12/03 at 8:04am
Thread Starter 
Hmmm, I do have an air rifle at the cottage that we use on red squirrels and bats that get in the cottage at night. I think using it in Toronto may not be the best idea. My neighbourghs might find it odd seeing me creeping around my backyard with a flashlight taped to the barrel of an air rifle.

Poison sounds good, but not kill-him-poison. Perhaps poison that makes him feel a bit quesey. What do I use? Rat poison? That probably wouldn't kill him because as far as I know Raccoons can puke so the wouldn't dehydrate the way rats would.

And indeed I am Canadian and like all good canucks I eat KD atleast twice a week.



If nothing else works I will have to napalm his ass.
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post #13 of 39
8/12/03 at 8:41am
tactical nuclear strike. it's the only way to be sure.
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post #14 of 39
8/12/03 at 9:07am
Get a metal garbage can. Hook a car battery up to it. Have a fire extinguisher ready in case his hair catches fire and jumps to the rafters of your garage.
"Hearing a corrupt CEO like Cheney denigrate Edwards for being a trial lawyer is like hearing a child molester complain how Larry Flint is a pervert." -johnq
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"Hearing a corrupt CEO like Cheney denigrate Edwards for being a trial lawyer is like hearing a child molester complain how Larry Flint is a pervert." -johnq
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post #15 of 39
8/12/03 at 9:24am
buy some bear or wolf urine, and pour it on your garbage and or around your garage. should scare the living shit out of the little bastard.
spread the luv
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spread the luv
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post #16 of 39
8/12/03 at 10:18am
Quote:
Originally posted by running with scissors
buy some bear or wolf urine, and pour it on your garbage and or around your garage. should scare the living shit out of the little bastard.

The hard part will be getting the bear to stand still while you hold the jar.
"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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post #17 of 39
8/12/03 at 10:27am
We had a raccoon feasting regularly on our garbage until about 6 weeks ago. It would jump on the top of the can and tip it over. I guess the lid would pop off when it hit then groundthen it would smorgasbord.

I bought a bigger less-tippable garbage can - a big strong plastic one on wheels - with a lockable lid and put it in a spot where it was hard for him to jump down on it. That worked. I suppose that there might still be a way for the critter to get into it, but it would be pretty hard. In any case, making it much harder is all I really need: with all the bother to get into our garbage, the racoon just moves on and gets at the garbage of a neighbour.
tribalfusion?
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tribalfusion?
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post #18 of 39
8/12/03 at 11:14am
  • BR
  • Justified Arrogance
Quote:
Originally posted by groverat
Fantastic first post.

I recommend a gun. Kraft Dinner? You are Canadian?

Canada has more guns than trees. Shoot the son of a bitch and move on.

More guns per capita than the US and yet less gun deaths per capita than the US. Gee, maybe the problem is societal and less about the shiny metal death stick.

 

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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post #19 of 39
8/12/03 at 11:45am
Quote:
Originally posted by BR
More guns per capita than the US and yet less gun deaths per capita than the US. Gee, maybe the problem is societal and less about the shiny metal death stick.

This statistic, often quoted, is misleading. Most guns in Canada are hunting rifles. And even ownership of these, while common - especially in rural areas - is still subject to controls. What Canada does not have, for all intents and purposes, is general private ownership of handguns. These shiny metal 'mini' death sticks are the big problem.
tribalfusion?
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tribalfusion?
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post #20 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:09pm
Quote:
Originally posted by InactionMan
Needless to say, I screamed, dropped both the boot and the flashlight and ran inside to the womb-like comfort of AppleInsider.


Sorry, but that was too much! Based on your location "the big smoke", you must also be from Toronto. I know the feeling, I've met some myself.
Yeah, we city folk are a bunch of yellow belly cowards when it comes to wildlife!
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post #21 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:12pm
Audiopollution, SBOL, I've just made it up in your honour. It stands for spray beer out loud. Thanks man.
" I'll never get back the time i just wasted reading that post." Miami Craig
" It's like you've achieved some kind of irrelevance zen, or something." johnsonwax
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" I'll never get back the time i just wasted reading that post." Miami Craig
" It's like you've achieved some kind of irrelevance zen, or something." johnsonwax
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post #22 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:28pm
Quote:
The hard part will be getting the bear to stand still while you hold the jar.



Seriously, can you actually buy bear urine?
Stoo
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Stoo
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post #23 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:33pm
Get a big aluminum bat and whack the shit out of that bastard. There's a cat(yes, a tabby) in my neighborhood that enjoy's my dog's food, and my dog is a complete wimp when it comes to this cat(hey, the cat is as fat as Garfield, ok), so he just hides in a bush when he sees this cat come out.

So, I started to pay attention to this cat's habits, and found he always came at around 10 AM. So, I took my bat and stood around the corner from where the dog food is kept, and then when I saw the cat come out, I jumped around the corner, bat in hand, and screamed "Hiya!" like I was in a bad kung fu movie. This did absolutely nothing to scare this friggin cat. All he did was turn his head towards me. I couldn't hit that cat, it was my neighbors(as if they don't feed him enough), so I swung the bat and hit the ground as I could, but missed and hit the side of the food bowl instead. This caused it to do a 540 in the air and land right next to the cat. The Cat then ran out the yard.

I felt a lot like this:



Except, Garfield is a cat, and I was trying to get rid of a cat, and there was never a spider involved with this, so, uh, yeah.

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post #24 of 39
8/12/03 at 12:36pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Stoo


Seriously, can you actually buy bear urine?

Strangely enough, yes.

http://whitetailproducts.com/browse.asp?cat=5&path=4,5

I wonder how much beer they feed the bear? I can't see how they'd be able to sell more than a Gallon/day without having a room full of bears who *really* needed to take a piss. Who needs tame bears, when you've got drunk ones.
"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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post #25 of 39
8/12/03 at 3:19pm
  • Kickaha
  • Really Fast Typing Member
Pellet gun. Hurts a hell of a lot more than a BB gun. Ask me. *Might* even kill it, with a lucky shot.

I'd recommend *against* putting out poison, myself. I've seen too many pets get into it and die, when they weren't the intended target. And if the beastie is scattering garbage, or hauling it off, it'll haul off the poison too, and then it's totally out of your control.

You could try a box trap, to trap the little bastich. (It ate a hole in your garage? Put the trap on the inside of the hole, with the garbage can on the other end.) Then you can off it quietly, or take it out to the woods, or whatever tickles your fancy.

Me, I just whap squirrels with empty 2 liter bottles.

So how big is this sucker? Raccoons back home in WA state get rather large (small dog size), but the ones in NC are tiny (cat size).
My brain is hung like a HORSE!
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My brain is hung like a HORSE!
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post #26 of 39
8/12/03 at 6:17pm
Quote:
Originally posted by Argento
Air rifle?

If you use an air rifle, you're no better than that blood-thirsty Dali Lama.
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post #27 of 39
8/12/03 at 7:12pm
Quote:
Originally posted by BuonRotto
If you use an air rifle, you're no better than that blood-thirsty Dali Lama.

Oh yeah that murderous tyrant would probably rape, torture and then kill that racoon.....
And all that could have been.
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And all that could have been.
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post #28 of 39
8/12/03 at 8:54pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Kickaha


I'd recommend *against* putting out poison, myself. I've seen too many pets get into it and die, when they weren't the intended target. And if the beastie is scattering garbage, or hauling it off, it'll haul off the poison too, and then it's totally out of your control.

...

So how big is this sucker? Raccoons back home in WA state get rather large (small dog size), but the ones in NC are tiny (cat size).

Indeed, I have two dogs. Poison is perhaps not the best idea. I have also heard the horror stories of families not properly cleaning up the rat poison when the open their cottages after the winter only to see old fido keel over.
Poison is out.

This raccoon is about the size of a fat bulldog. I've seen bigger in Toronto, but not by much. I have yet to see him during the day so at least I know he isn't rabid.

Last night I wedged an old grate from the fireplace into the garbage can and tied down the lid with six bungie cords and he was only able to pull a bit trash out.

I'm seriously going to look into bear piss. I hope it doesn't cost too much. I'd hate to have to dip into my iPod savings just to buy bear piss!

\
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post #29 of 39
8/12/03 at 9:04pm
Screw the bear piss. Just tie a f-ing bear to that shit.
oink, oink biatch
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oink, oink biatch
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post #30 of 39
8/18/03 at 10:06pm
Thread Starter 
I had another stand off with the Raccoons last night. Either the first confrontation with the raccoon(s) was the younger ones parent or I suffered from fear induced hallucinations when I first saw it.

This time there was not one but rather three. Three small little raccoons. Cute ones at that. When I tried to push one out of a tree with a rake it just rolled onto its side and playfully swatted at the rake. Damn. I still prefer it if they'd shred someone else's trash but I'm no longer out for blood.

I'm such a suck.

But look! Aren't they great? I love raccoons.



I will now roll my eyes at myself in disgust.
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post #31 of 39
8/18/03 at 10:42pm
Oh man, the red eye glows make them look demonically possessed, you maybe under their influence now. I'd call a priest, rabbi or imam to exorcise you, your garbage and the racoons.
"Beware the Jabberwock , my son! The jaws that bite, the claw that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the the frumious Bandersnatch!"

from Jabberwocky, excerpt from Alice through the looking...
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"Beware the Jabberwock , my son! The jaws that bite, the claw that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the the frumious Bandersnatch!"

from Jabberwocky, excerpt from Alice through the looking...
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post #32 of 39
8/18/03 at 11:11pm
Some of you guys' solutions remind me of a PA strip...

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post #33 of 39
8/18/03 at 11:41pm
Ok, to start with, the pellet gun is OUT. NOT a good idea at all. The only thing worse than a racoon trapped inside your garage is an injured racoon with babies outside trapped inside your garage.

I would not be at all surprised if the trapped/recently shot racoon decided to go after you.

If you have dogs no posion.

The only gun that would really work would be a shotgun with buckshot in it. After seeing the photos of the babies though, I'm going to guess that's out as well.

Your best bet would probably be a live trap with something like tuna in it. When you catch the racoon call animal control. They'll "release" it somewhere else i'm sure. It's going to just keep coming back though.
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post #34 of 39
8/19/03 at 3:03am
SIMPLE CURE..

WORKS EVERYTIME...

RACOONS SMELL FOOD WITH THEY'RE SENSITIVE NOSES...

SO SPRINKLE LOADS OF FINELY GROUND PEPPER & CHILI POWDER OVER YOUR GARBAGE.

IT ALSO WORKS ON ANY OTHER CRITTER TOO INCLUDING CATS. DOGS...

EVEN .....BEARS....

IF YOU PUT ENOUGH DOWN THEY'LL KNOW TO STAY AWAY...

AS DOUBLE INSURANCE:

SPRINKLE CHILI POWDER ON GROUND AROUND ENTRANCE...IN LICKING THEMSELVES IT WILL REALLY BITE...

SIMPLE AS THAT....
There are 3 types of people in the world.

Those who count.

&

Those who can't.
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There are 3 types of people in the world.

Those who count.

&

Those who can't.
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post #35 of 39
8/19/03 at 6:25am
I said it before, I'll say it again: make your garbage more secure. There are containers that are effectively impossible for the critters to open. Buy some and, at the same time, put them in a place difficult for the racoons to reach. This has worked for me in both the country and the city. You might even try bringing your garbage inside for the night for a little while until the racoons push off in search of easier dining. If you make it difficult for them, the racoons go elsewhere.
tribalfusion?
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tribalfusion?
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post #36 of 39
8/20/03 at 6:17am
Buy a new G5, gut it and use it as a lockable garbage bin :-)

Those babies are seriously cute, I must say...
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post #37 of 39
8/20/03 at 10:44pm
Oh I forgot, you can always dig out that old " Davey Crockett" racoon hat..take a picture of you wearing it and put it somewhere where the Racoons will see it..Then while they are staring at it..turn your record player on full blast..the little critters will flee for their lives when they hear the song
"Daveeeey ... Daveeeeey Crocket king of the wild frontier "

There are 3 types of people in the world.

Those who count.

&

Those who can't.
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There are 3 types of people in the world.

Those who count.

&

Those who can't.
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post #38 of 39
8/21/03 at 9:42pm
Thread Starter 
I think I may have driven them away. And what pray tell was it that drove the invaders away? Why, it was the flash on my Powershot A40. They didn't like it one bit.

To commemorate our time together I might have to take the pics I took and throw something together in iMovie. I'm thinking (I've had) The Time of My Life for the background music.
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post #39 of 39
8/21/03 at 10:02pm
  • Spart
  • Beloved Local Storyteller
You can make a flamethrower out of a decent SuperSoaker in a pinch.

Just a thought, knowledge for the future, etc.

Not that I've ever done such a thing...



[Edit: Not too bad for the two grand mark...for the second or third time. ]
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