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post #41 of 169
well, it was a women's handwriting on the notice, women's name.

then i got in the car, it was a women, w/o a doubt. nice rack, and actually kind of cute short of the beard. i have no idea how in the world she just tooled around in her life with a beard all the time. you'd think the weird looks alone would make it worth at least shaving it off.

it was winter so i couldn't see if she was one of those non-shaving types, at least other than her face, but i'm guessing she didn't.
post #42 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Crusader
Well, I was caught, uh, "taking care of business" when I was like 14.

Welcome to the club
In my case it was "only" my older brother. Thankfully, he never mentioned it.
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post #43 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by alcimedes
well, it was a women's handwriting on the notice, women's name.

then i got in the car, it was a women, w/o a doubt. nice rack, and actually kind of cute short of the beard. i have no idea how in the world she just tooled around in her life with a beard all the time. you'd think the weird looks alone would make it worth at least shaving it off.

it was winter so i couldn't see if she was one of those non-shaving types, at least other than her face, but i'm guessing she didn't.

"...kind of cute short of the beard."

Oh, that's SO funny. It really makes me laugh...tears rolling down my face, the whole bit. Well, that's just too ridiculous. What was her problem, I wonder?

OH! ...maybe she was taking male hormones and was getting ready to have a sex-change operation. I think I read that people have to take hormones for months before surgery. And she couldn't have done much about the breasts, I guess, except leave them there.

I knew someone once who was a female with VERY large breasts, but wanted to be a male more than anything. She would strap her breasts down, put a rolled-up sock in her pants, and go to parties where everyone thought she was a guy. She had hands like a male, however, and was very good-looking. She made a cute female and a really cute male! She was a very nice person, and I hope eventually got a sex-change operation. Everyone deserves to be happy in life, don't you think? No one would ever 'choose' to have gender-identity issues like that, would they?
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #44 of 169
Once I brought a girl over and we got drunk and I couldn't get it up.

\
post #45 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Ganondorf
Once I brought a girl over and we got drunk and I couldn't get it up.

\

But isn't that a common result when a guy drinks too much?

The most sexual guy I know (a friend) says that happens to him when he drinks too much. So I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. He even told me he has faked orgasm a few times when he has drunk too much and knew nothing was going to happen. I thought it was really cool that he would tell me that. He's a great guy, and probably the world's best lover. Parades should be thrown in his honor. I'm completely serious. He's English.
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #46 of 169
Yeah. But it was embarrassing anyway.
post #47 of 169
Not embarrassing, but a bit funny.

This new year, us and couple of our friend decided to stay home, as we didn't have any reservations, So after a bottle of Champagne, glenfiddich, few beers, we were all kind of *uhm* wasted, then i remembered that i have that we supposed to smoke 6 months ago, but never actually did....

Anyways, i woke up later in the morning feeling like ***, and remembered that i'm supposed to call my friend as we were set to go skiing. he recently moved to a new house, and i couldn't find his new #, so i called 411.

- Police or an Ambulance?
- huh?

- Police or an Ambulance !?!
- eeeeeee, huh?

- Sir, do you want police or an ambulance !?!?!
- right....., what do you mean?

- I don't have a time for this, do you require assistance or not ?!?!?!
- Yes.

- Well, how can i help you?
- I need a phone # for....
*silence.... hungs up*


I thought it was pretty funny.
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What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? _(W.C. Fields)
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post #48 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
Okay, I was thinking of explaining that in the original post. There IS a reason, and a pretty good one, I think.

The thing is, when you put pantyhose on, you pull them up so the crotch of the pantyhose reaches where it should. But some pantyhose have the problem that the crotch doesn't stay up where it should, but instead tends to hover two inches too low - not a comfortable feeling...and hard to describe. So, with those particular pantyhose, I would wear the panties over them, so I could pull the panties up tight and force the pantyhose crotch to stay up where it should. Does that make any sense?

But the panties in question were really tiny, and useless for such a purpose, as I found out in the most unfortunate way. I can guarantee that this is a true story. The teachers' lounge that day was filled with teachers who saw me come in. And the guy standing near the door that I pulled in front of me, I'm sure would testify as to my veracity. He taught social studies on my team, and I told him later what the problem was. He thought it was really funny, so I'm sure he would remember it, though I haven't seen him in years.

Carol A. I'm beginning to suspect we are secretly married.


Nick

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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post #49 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Crusader
Well, I was caught, uh, "taking care of business" when I was like 14.

i've been caught something like like 3 times now. each one was a little less embarassing than the prior. lucky for me, i was never caught by a crowd. that must have sucked. the first was shortly after i discovered the joy of the being a male. "exploring" and whatnot before school, then me mum comes in with my ironed shirt. "What are you doing?" thinking quick, i respond with "nothing. i'm doing nothing. what are you doing in my room?" the incident was never mentioned again.

number two was less embarassing. the older bro is watching tv in our room, and i'm "tired." he's flipping through channels, hits the nudey channel for a few seconds, and moves on. of course, some odd breathing and shifting blankets from my bed arouse suspicion. "what the hell are you doing?" coyly, "i'm trying to go to sleep."

numero three was a bit more recent, in my college days. not quite as big of a deal. i'm going through "the" websites, and the roommate comes back from class. "yo, why is the door locked." i quickly hide my pride, and switch out of mozilla. due to the speed of his entry, i couldn't close them all until after he got in. "so, why was the door locked?" "uh, i just got up?" the inflection of my voice alluding to a question that was not asked. "but, you went to class earlier than i did." "don't question me." "oh. oh." i really should be more careful about this type of thing.

i think the most embarassing thing that i can remember and am willing to mention on this board was a matter of incontinence when i was young. i was at a school play (no, luckily i wasn't in the play). i never much enjoyed them, except i was allowed to get a candy. being a very dirty and chocolate loving kid, my snickers (or whatever i had gotten), was all over my hands and face. this must have been the laxative version of snickers, because by the play's end i was in desparate need of the bathroom. i'm a pretty reserved guy when it comes to bathrooms, and make a point of never using public toilets in such a manner, but that is because of this incident. i run to the bathroom, and in a strange twist, the men's room is full (or maybe it was locked). so i go to the women's bathroom. and well, my bowels were quicker than me. quicker to the tune of running down my leg, on the side of the bowl, on the seat and pretty much everywhere else, except inside the bowl. i reaked of shit, and had to walk as if on a horse, due to the hardened mess on me legs. my friend and i walked home, with our parents. he kept saying "did you fart?"
post #50 of 169
I have no big sexual embarrassments to relate (my wife has a sense of humour, so nothing ever seems too serious) and no nudity ones, because I grew up in a household where it was no big deal.

But that does not mean I never have been embarrassed. Actually, when I was a teenager I was such an insecure dweeb like so many other teenagers that I spent about half of my time being embarrassed. I could relate 100s of stories, but looking back on them now they all look pretty minor. As I get older, I find that I still do all sorts of stupid things, but I have less and less capacity for embarrassment.

Nevertheless, I do have a couple of stories of adult embarrassment:

-\tA few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty he was there and he had very little sense of humour..

-\tBefore we decided to get married, my wife and I decided to live together. I knew that she was the one, but it had been such a whirlwind romance (we had only been dating two months) that I did not think that it was reasonable to ask her to actually marry me yet. Anyway, I told my older sister that I was going to move in with my girlfriend and she being a bit conservative about such things was disappointed and she said why dont you just get married to which I replied dont be ridiculous, we just started going out. Anyway, thinking my girlfriend would find my sisters suggestion to be equally ridiculous; I related the conversation to her. Her reaction was not as I expectedmy girlfriend said you told your sister that it would be ridiculous for us to get married?!...what do you mean by that???...what do you mean ridiculous!!!!? I then tried for about half an hour to retract and re-explain with a redder and redder face - and I eventually got myself so tied up in contradictions and inept explanations that my girlfriend burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that she eventually could not stand anymore. Anyway, we were married about 9 months later and have been together now for almost twelve years.
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post #51 of 169
I have never been caught masturbating.

I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning. But no-one knew except me, I felt it and then got my ass home with a quickness, no speaking to anyone. E-mailed my boss, "Went home. Very sick. - Adam"

I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
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post #52 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by groverat
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.

i did that once, in i think 5th grade. i didn't notice myself, until a kid goes "did you just call her 'mom'?" i sank within myself.
post #53 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Chinney
A few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty he was there and he had very little sense of humour..

This is the first story so far that has caused me to laugh out loud.
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I'm RICH beotch!!!
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post #54 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
Alcimedes. You obviously are a well-mannered, nice person.

Thanks for the laugh!

Ha!
And all that could have been.
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And all that could have been.
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post #55 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by torifile
7th grade. Warming up in gym. Lunch in the cafeteria a period prior and something wasn't sitting well. Push-ups. On the "up" part of the push-up, out came a fart that reverberated throughout the gym. . I still remember it vividly to this day.

Dude. I would have been very proud to have been in your shoes at that time. What a legend.
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post #56 of 169
I mooned a substitute teacher in Grade 7 once. The whole class laughed of course, and teach didn't see me. All fine and dandy until a guy yells "dude you have a pimple on your ASS!!"



Yeah, not that embarassing, but it's the first thing that came to mind. I'm sure I'll add to this thread later.
post #57 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
He's a great guy, and probably the world's best lover. Parades should be thrown in his honor. I'm completely serious. He's English.

Right. Now we *KNOW* you're making this up...

World's best lover is *ENGLISH*???? The land where every recipe starts with "Boil a pot roast"??






In college I had a female friend with whom I'd flirt outrageously in person and over email. We had quite the steamy message thread going back and forth one time, quite explicit. Quite non-vanilla. Was quite a bit of fun.

Anyway, I'm sitting at work responding to one of her emails when I get a phone call and have to save the message to a temp directory (ah, the days of Z19 terminals and early releases of pine).

Later, I bring it back up in the midst of doing other things, finish it up and fire it off.

It comes back to me about 10 minutes later.

From my boss.

"I don't think this was intended for me. At least, I hope not."

We never spoke of it.


Apparently I got that, and another work-related email cross-wired...
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My brain is hung like a HORSE!
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post #58 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
... gender-identity issues...

That reminds me of another incident which was more embarassing for somebody else 8) :

My wife worked at a home for elder people where I did my social service some years before. They once had a carnival party for residents and employees. We had the idea that I should dress myself up as a nurse. I'm not very tall and have rather small feet for a male, so I could wear (more or less) some of my wife's clothes: a body, a dark pantyhose to cover my hairy legs and some high heels that were a bit too large for her (after the evening they were a bit larger and my feet did ache...). My wife did the makeup and my hair. There were some other guys dressed as nurses, but I was the most "real" looking one. Later in the evening, the director of the facility came to our table and asked me for dance. You should have seen his face when I told him that I am more used to male steps...
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." --Douglas Adams
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post #59 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Chinney
A few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty he was there and he had very little sense of humour..

Hi Chinney - I loved this story. What a scream! I used to do funny walks, too - like the tiptoeing you'd see on cartoons, if you can picture that, and other funny walks. It would crack my mom and friends up, and I got a kick out of entertaining them with such silliness. But I was just a kid. That you were in your mid-twenties is just priceless - and at work, too - AND with someone else!!! What a great story. I will think of that with a smile for a long time.
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #60 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by piwozniak
Not embarrassing, but a bit funny.

This new year, us and couple of our friend decided to stay home, as we didn't have any reservations, So after a bottle of Champagne, glenfiddich, few beers, we were all kind of *uhm* wasted, then i remembered that i have that we supposed to smoke 6 months ago, but never actually did....

Anyways, i woke up later in the morning feeling like ***, and remembered that i'm supposed to call my friend as we were set to go skiing. he recently moved to a new house, and i couldn't find his new #, so i called 411.

- Police or an Ambulance?
- huh?

- Police or an Ambulance !?!
- eeeeeee, huh?

- Sir, do you want police or an ambulance !?!?!
- right....., what do you mean?

- I don't have a time for this, do you require assistance or not ?!?!?!
- Yes.

- Well, how can i help you?
- I need a phone # for....
*silence.... hungs up*


I thought it was pretty funny.

Great story, Piwozniak!
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #61 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
Hi Chinney - I loved this story. What a scream! I used to do funny walks, too - like the tiptoeing you'd see on cartoons, if you can picture that, and other funny walks. It would crack my mom and friends up, and I got a kick out of entertaining them with such silliness. But I was just a kid. That you were in your mid-twenties is just priceless - and at work, too - AND with someone else!!! What a great story. I will think of that with a smile for a long time.

Of course I was mortified at the time. I thought that I would lose my job - that guy had the power to fire me and his look showed that he was not amused. But he never mentioned the incident to me and we eventually did become friends of a sort - although I doubt that he ever thought that the incident was funny.
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post #62 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by trumptman
Carol A. I'm beginning to suspect we are secretly married.


Nick

Well, Nick, I tried to tell you that I spend a lot of time up in "our" attic with a brand new laptop that you don't know about - posting for hours on international messageboards.

Does that pantyhose problem ring any bells?
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #63 of 169
Since I'm not anonymous here, I'll only go so far with what I say... but this is embarrassing enough.

In junior high I was quite nerdy (okay, not much has changed), and definitely no good at, and not interested in, sports. I was not so clueless about baseball, however, as the following stupid mistake made me appear to be.

I'd been lost in my own thoughts ignoring the game when it finally was time for me to go up to bat -- or as I thought of it, time to quickly deal with my inevitable strike out.

Somehow, by sheer luck, I actually managed a good, solid hit.

Naturally, I proceeded to run directly to second base, completely bypassing first base.

How could I manage that? Well, partly because I was so tuned out to what was going on, I hadn't been following the game up until that point. The other reason was that the baseball "diamond" (formed by tossing a few bases out temporarily into a big, generic field) was really, really lopsided. Had the diamond been anywhere close to straight, I'd have had to tackle the pitcher to pull off this little stunt, which I most certainly didn't do. I didn't even run very suspiciously close to the pitcher during my mad, misdirected dash.

Needless to say, there was much laughter and no interest in my explanation as I got tagged out before managing to get my ass back to the real first base. You can bet I wasn't allowed to live that down for a very, very long time (well beyond that one year of junior high.)
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We were once so close to heaven
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post #64 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by groverat
I have never been caught masturbating.

I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning. But no-one knew except me, I felt it and then got my ass home with a quickness, no speaking to anyone. E-mailed my boss, "Went home. Very sick. - Adam"

I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.

My story isn't quite the same as yours, but definitely involves 'being soiled'.

I came into my classroom one morning, pulled out my rolling chair and sat down quickly to sort through some papers on my desk. I was wearing jeans. Suddenly I had the most peculiar feeling...of wetness! I leaped up to discover that the 'cupped' seat of my plastic rolling chair was filled with urine! The seat of my jeans was soaked through.

My only explanation is that we had a student on probation from juvenile detention who was doing community service by working with the custodians cleaning the school at night. I think he came into my room to empty the trash or something, and then left me an intimate surprise by urinating in my chair!

There was also some white crust on the floor (carpet), so I imagine he had been doing other things as well. It was all very sick. I went to tell the principal, and she didn't even offer to let me go home to change. I walked around in urine-soaked jeans until they dried. Just goes to show how highly teachers rate on the scale of human importance!

I'm sure it was that kid, because I told no one but the principal; yet somehow he 'knew' about it, and was telling other students about my predicament. YUCK!!!!! Shiver. What a pervert - and only 14.
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #65 of 169
baseball season... i'm in left field without a clue, I'm in High school bored off my ass, so anyways just kicking dirt around not even paying attention then crack* I hear the bat connect with the ball, but I can't see it then as soon as i spot it i lift my glove up but nay it goes right under it and hits me right on my jewels, I was wearing a cup but it shattered, and I had this huge black bruise around my heh you know. Anyways so a crowd of 2000 people or so are laughing at me, while I'm balled up in outfield freaking out. That was the last season I played baseball.... heh
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post #66 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by kraig911
baseball season... i'm in left field without a clue, I'm in High school bored off my ass, so anyways just kicking dirt around not even paying attention then crack* I hear the bat connect with the ball, but I can't see it then as soon as i spot it i lift my glove up but nay it goes right under it and hits me right on my jewels, I was wearing a cup but it shattered, and I had this huge black bruise around my heh you know. Anyways so a crowd of 2000 people or so are laughing at me, while I'm balled up in outfield freaking out. That was the last season I played baseball.... heh

Ouch. Doubly painful.

Interesting stories all around on this thread.
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post #67 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Kickaha
Right. Now we *KNOW* you're making this up...

World's best lover is *ENGLISH*???? The land where every recipe starts with "Boil a pot roast"??






In college I had a female friend with whom I'd flirt outrageously in person and over email. We had quite the steamy message thread going back and forth one time, quite explicit. Quite non-vanilla. Was quite a bit of fun.

Anyway, I'm sitting at work responding to one of her emails when I get a phone call and have to save the message to a temp directory (ah, the days of Z19 terminals and early releases of pine).

Later, I bring it back up in the midst of doing other things, finish it up and fire it off.

It comes back to me about 10 minutes later.

From my boss.

"I don't think this was intended for me. At least, I hope not."

We never spoke of it.


Apparently I got that, and another work-related email cross-wired...

Hi Kickaha -

Nothing has surprised me more in the last year than my discovery about what English guys are REALLY like. They are SO unbelievably different from the entire world's stereotype of them. No one would believe..... Wow!!!!! I won't go into detail. Trust me on this one. And yes, this guy is just incredible. Parades wouldn't provide nearly enough accolades. I'll let it go at that.

Anyway, your email story is amazing. Omigod. I'm afraid that would probably be a firing offense where I work (school). So you lucked out. Those email relationships are TERRIFIC fun, aren't they. hehehehe
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #68 of 169
My most embarassing moment was when I went on an internet message board and admitted my belief that the english were the best lovers.

Oops. Nevermind. That wasn't me. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

 

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
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“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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post #69 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by BR
My most embarassing moment was when I went on an internet message board and admitted my belief that the english were the best lovers.

Oops. Nevermind. That wasn't me. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

Hi BR - I thought we were all adults here.

So....guys get to say things, but I don't? Is that the way it's supposed to work in your book?

I think your comment is especially interesting, considering that you hail from a vagina.

(Nah....that couldn't possibly be a double standard....)

Btw, I don't find my comment embarrassing. Mainly because I have discovered how uptight Americans are compared to Europeans. We really miss out on a lot of joi de vivre. I think it's a shame, I really do. The Puritans certainly did a job on us......and it keeps on going.
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #70 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
Hi Kickaha -

Nothing has surprised me more in the last year than my discovery about what English guys are REALLY like. They are SO unbelievably different from the entire world's stereotype of them. No one would believe..... Wow!!!!! I won't go into detail. Trust me on this one. And yes, this guy is just incredible. Parades wouldn't provide nearly enough accolades. I'll let it go at that.

Tease.

Quote:
Anyway, your email story is amazing. Omigod. I'm afraid that would probably be a firing offense where I work (school). So you lucked out. Those email relationships are TERRIFIC fun, aren't they. hehehehe

Yeah, as long as they're with the *correct* recipient!
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post #71 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
Well, Nick, I tried to tell you that I spend a lot of time up in "our" attic with a brand new laptop that you don't know about - posting for hours on international messageboards.

Does that pantyhose problem ring any bells?

No I just told you it is weird to have a Carol who happens to be an English teacher posting at times. Only certain circumstances mind you. Your story sounds very much like something she would do.

Nick

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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post #72 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
My story isn't quite the same as yours, but definitely involves 'being soiled'.

I came into my classroom one morning, pulled out my rolling chair and sat down quickly to sort through some papers on my desk. I was wearing jeans. Suddenly I had the most peculiar feeling...of wetness! I leaped up to discover that the 'cupped' seat of my plastic rolling chair was filled with urine! The seat of my jeans was soaked through.

My only explanation is that we had a student on probation from juvenile detention who was doing community service by working with the custodians cleaning the school at night. I think he came into my room to empty the trash or something, and then left me an intimate surprise by urinating in my chair!

There was also some white crust on the floor, so I imagine he had been doing other things as well. It was all very sick. I went to tell the principal, and she didn't even offer to let me go home to change. I walked around in urine-soaked jeans until they dried. Just goes to show how highly teachers rate on the scale of human importance!

I'm sure it was that kid, because I told no one but the principal; yet somehow 'he' knew about it, and was telling other guys about my predicament. YUCK!!!!! Shiver. What a pervert - and only 14.

Considering it was dealing with human waste which can carry disease, you should have had a world class union grievable issue.

Nick

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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post #73 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by Carol A
Hi BR - I thought we were all adults here.

So....guys get to say things, but I don't? Is that the way it's supposed to work in your book?

I think your comment is especially interesting, considering that you hail from a vagina.

(Nah....that couldn't possibly be a double standard....)

Btw, I don't find my comment embarrassing. Mainly because I have discovered how uptight Americans are compared to Europeans. We really miss out on a lot of joi de vivre. I think it's a shame, I really do. The Puritans certainly did a job on us......and it keeps on going.

It was a joke. Lighten up. I thought we were all adults here.

 

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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post #74 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by BR
It was a joke.

Ah, but there's no way to 'tell' it's a joke from your comments!!!!!
Quote:
I thought we were all adults here.

That's MY line!
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #75 of 169
Don't you have school in the morning young lady??
My brain is hung like a HORSE!
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My brain is hung like a HORSE!
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post #76 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Kickaha
Don't you have school in the morning young lady??

(Gulp) Yes.

Sleep? What's that?

Sigh.
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #77 of 169
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by trumptman
Considering it was dealing with human waste which can carry disease, you should have had a world class union grievable issue.

Nick

True, Nick. But I would have been happy with just a clean, dry pair of jeans.

I'm not much of a rabble-rouser. You can't be, and be a happy teacher.

Besides, I liked that principal. Though I thought she was a little more compassionate than that!

Other things were more worth fighting for: like NOT having 37 students in my last hour class!

PS Why do we say a 'pair' of jeans?
Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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Much have I seen and known...yet all experience is an arch, wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move. - Tennyson
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post #78 of 169
Quote:
Originally posted by shetline
...baseball story...

reminds me of one of my baseball stories... gym class, and half the class goes to play basketball, while a select few play wiffle ball. this select few, of course, is not the best players, just us who were sick of basketball. so, i manage a base hit. the next batter sux. so i'm daydreaming, and leading slightly off the base. eventually he makes contact with the ball. i wake from my standing sleep and dive for the ball, and make a pretty amazing catch [by wiffle ball standards, at least]. it seems i woke to think i was fielding. being terrible at baseball, i throw it wildly at the first baseman, only mid throw do i realize i'm on the hitter's team. i think the whole play thoroughly confused everyone.
post #79 of 169
8th grade, i took the fire extinguisher, cuz i was gonna fill up a toilet with it, (yes, i'm a little more mature), and i saw this purple stuff on y hands from the ring, so i'm trying to wipe it off on my pants, and it just keeps spreading around, then i'm panicking because it won't come off, so i rake my hands through my hair, and at that point the bell for next period rings and everyone comes out of their class and into the hallway...they all stop and stare at me, i swear i must have looked like the creature from the black lagoon
I think I think...therefore, I think I am.

We get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more...
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I think I think...therefore, I think I am.

We get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more...
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post #80 of 169
This is gonna be a long and graphic story but I had a two fold problem with an incident involving my inability to hoist the main sail.

I was 16 at the time after sophomre year of high school and a female friend, let's call her girl A, also 16 and I had started having sex. We weren't dating per se, we were basically just close friends who happened to be horny high schoolers and thus we just kind of started having sex. Both of us were actually interested in another person, girl B was my interest at the time though with little success till then, and we both knew we had interests in other people.

The first complication was that she was a fairly small and petite girl and a virgin and 16 and was nervous and I didn't really know what I was doing. So when we attempted vaginal intercourse the first time she said it was painful and she didn't want to do it so we didn't. But we're having oral pretty often and a lot of playtime and so forth. Anyway, another of my good friends, girl C, agrees early this one day to come over to my house at like two AM. Based on some conversation and prior knowledge, being a little horny bastard, I just know I'm going to get some from girl C. Of course this might seem to be cheating on girl A but we're not actually just dating, we just happen to be friends who have oral sex. I'm sure I knew it wasn't that simple but I probably had it justified somehow in my mind. So I'm jacked up cause I'm going to get vaginal sex for the first time or so I think. But in the interim I spend the day with girl A. Well we wind up messing around for a long ass time till like 11 PM. I'm trying to get her to have an orgasm which I cannot pull off being not yet skilled in the arts of military tactics and cunnilingus. But I give it my best shot and keep trying and trying and in the meantime I've cum four times with the last one being a handjob that took an eternity. So we finish finally and girl A goes home. I fall asleep and then later wake up when girl C knocks on my window. So girl C comes in and we talk and we're horny, everyone is just horny cause this is high school, and so I make my move and get the green light. Except that even though the rest of me is wide awake, my poor penis is so tired that he just keeps on sleeping. And I just cannot get him to come to attention. So I fail and that is terribly embarrassing. So past embarrassing that I do not know what to call it.

Then comes part two. Sometime not long after, I'm over at girl C's house for a birthday party for some other person. Girls C, and A are there along with many other people, probably like 30 or so including girls B, D and E. So we're all there and girl C, who knew prior to our encounter what I was doing with girl A, feels guilty (seeing girl A for the first time since the failure at my house) about what she did since girl A is her friend as well. So she tells girl A about what happened. Naturally, not being stupid, I had not told girl A and we'd continued on our merry ways. Girl A flips out after being told this by girl C. She starts punching me in the shoulder and is screaming about all of this outside of this house. And she's screaming about how it serves me right that I couldn't get a hard on that night after betraying her and yada yada yada. And I'm just mortified beyond belief. Here I am standing in front of like 30 people with this girl saying that I am cheating on her and that I'm a scumbag and so forth and yelling her head off. There are all sorts of people there, friends, acquantances, girl C's parents, and girl B who I am trying to make the play for, know that I am sleeping with girl A, that I tried to sleep with girl C at the same time, and that I couldn't get my johnson up. So I'm looking like a total idiot and an impotent one at that. I need more synonyms for embarrassing. My private moment of embarrassment has now become public and even worse I've pissed off girl A. I never got any sex to show for my "cheating" either. That incident is basically a permanent part of me or my reputation among high schools friends.

Later I was able to continue my friendship with girl A although we didn't have sex again, at least not for five more years. Unfortunately girl C and I kinda no longer were friends after that, possibly in part because her parents found out that I tried to get her, and couldn't, while sleepign with another girl. And that was the end of any hope of getting with girl B.

Now as it relates to girls D and E, they were there for the birthday party gone awry but not deterred by my reported failure. Of course, being one who learns from his mistakes, I later am sleeping with girl D in a similar friend type situation within a year of this happening. High school was great like that, sex with your friends at times with an understanding that you were just friends. Unless of course you had sex with another friend in which case it was very bad to have cheated on someone that you were just friends with. Using my other head to think, I also sleep with girl E during the timeframe that I am banging girl D. Fearing a similar type of public confrontation since these girls are also friends and neither knows that I am sleeping with the other, I make the brilliant choice of telling girl D that I slept with girl E. At which point girl D of course becomes pissed with me too and tells girl E. And so that was the end of the sex with those two. At that point, I pretty much accepted that I was destined to be a moron. I just pray that I can continue being a moron without ever being as embarrassed as I was when all of that shit went down.
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