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Custody and moving

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Biggest new divorce court issue

Quote:
Not too long ago, Jacqueline Scott Sheid was a pretty typical mother on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Divorced and with a young daughter, she had quickly remarried, had a son and interrupted her career to stay home with the children while her husband, Xavier Sheid, worked on Wall Street.

Early last year, Xavier Sheid lost his job and saw his only career opportunity in California. But Jacqueline Sheid's ex-husband, who shares joint legal custody of their daughter, refused to allow the girl to move away. So Jacqueline Sheid has spent much of the last year using JetBlue to shuttle between her son and husband on the West Coast and her daughter (and ex) on the East.

The New York court system, which she hoped would help her family to resolve the problem, has cost her tens of thousands of dollars in fees for court-appointed experts, she said, and has helped to prolong the process by objecting to her choice of lawyers.

Worst, she added, "they are making me choose between my children."

Is she really being asked to choose between her children or is it just that she can't get rid of her past marriage and the associated strings by moving off and forgetting about Daddy?

More and more states seem to be abolishing the presumptive right of the custodial parent to move away from the non-custodial parent. This is in part because many fathers are getting more custody or even joint custody.

Of course the mother (or father) isn't really held within a certain community, just given the choice that leaving will alter the custody arrangement, possibly resulting in them moving from primary custody to a form of visitation.

Since the percentage of custody often changes who must pay what with regard to child support, they could end up losing money as well in a move.

What are the answers for matters like this? Would non-custodial parents (usually fathers) be more likely to let a child go if they knew their visitation rights would be enforced even across state borders? What about if they knew that the time away couldn't be used against them in a child support dispute. (aka Your honor s/he hasn't seen their child in nine months (Yes but I was supposed to have them all summer and you wouldn't send them.))

The courts have been pretty clear that if you can't parent, you better pay, and pay heavily. Now we have the flip side which is, well you better not prevent me from parenting, even if it means you can't move our child away. They enforce this even if it could be to the detriment of your own lifestyle.

But what are the answers? I mean what was once one is now two. Divorce is a division. When you have a family that is made up of parts of a prior life and your current life, they aren't always going to smoothly mesh together. So how is it resolved in a manner that is best for the child?

Nick

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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post #2 of 7
is this really political?
or legal?

at least put it into the proper forum before it blue-folders away . . .
"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
--George W Bush

"Narrative is what starts to happen after eight minutes
--Franklin Miller.

"Nothing...

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"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
--George W Bush

"Narrative is what starts to happen after eight minutes
--Franklin Miller.

"Nothing...

Reply
post #3 of 7
Yeah, or start a divorce issue blog.
post #4 of 7
Quote:
Originally posted by ShawnJ
Yeah, or start a divorce issue blog.

That would actually be a really good idea for him. He's obviously really interested in it and I'm sure he'd find an interested audience.
post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by pfflam
is this really political?
or legal?

at least put it into the proper forum before it blue-folders away . . .

I thought about that, but since certain parties (like yourself) are unable to seperate issues from politics, I figured why not be safe.

I also don't see you three complaining that the "I had an abortion" isn't in AO, which BTW you've all done a very nice job of keeping civil. (except for Shawn calling you an old fart of something along those lines.)

Nick

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by ShawnJ
Yeah, or start a divorce issue blog.

More like custody... as a teacher who deals with the results of these decisions daily, you bet I have an interest.

Maybe you'll have some interest while "Teaching for America" when your student tells you they don't have their homework because they were sleeping at their older sister's house since their parents don't love each other any more.

Better yet when you hear for about the millionth time from a mom, aunt, grandmother, etc. that they are so glad that you are their child's teacher since these children have no male role models in their life, you'll stop jerking the knee and start to wonder where the hell all the men went.

And you'll realize that creating a police state to force men to parent against their will is no better than denying a woman an abortion. My body, my choice rings true for both sexes.

You'll realize we toss thousands of non-violent men into "debtors prisons" where somehow they are supposed to find the cash to pay their support. (While also losing their housing, their job, etc. while in there)

Maybe you'll get a bit older and watch a family court screw over a friend or two of yours for no other reason than they are male. Although I wouldn't wish that on you or anyone.

Nick

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." -George Orwell

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post #7 of 7
What's wrong with how the courts are managing that case? If the parents have joint custody (that really means 50-50, right?), then if one moves away it's clearly in the interest of the child to stay put. The courts aren't forcing that mom to choose between her kids. She (with her husband) made the choice herself to leave. Her husband could have found other work closer to NYC. If he insisted on going, she could have stayed in NYC with their child, anyway, until her husband eventually found an equal job in NY. It's rarely absolutely necessary to make a dramatic move, and it seems only logical that if you chose to do so, you lose (in at least a purely practical sense) time with your part-custodial child. Paying extra support seems fair, since the other parent is now absorbing not only the extra day-to-day expenses, but may be forced to reduce working hours to be a 100% single parent.

I imagine things would get a lot stickier if both parents want to relocate, or if the second parent wants to relocate to a different place after the first parent moves away. No good answers for that situation, and I'm sure its not an uncommon one. But if there's extended family in the area, and the family has roots in the community, and the child has friends in the area, it just makes sense to try to keep him/her there.

Edit: Reading that line about hoping the courts "would help her family to resolve the problem" really struck me as obnoxious. Clearly, the "solution" she's looking for is for the courts to ship their kid off to California with her, and by "family" she means "me" - screw the Dad.
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