There's Kerry. Look at how orange that is. See that? And see the rouge? Now the rouge is spread, not just to his cheeks but under his eye. That is just obscene looking. Don't adjust your TVs out there, folks!
- Rush Limbaugh
"I will say this: President Bush may have come across in his reaction shots as a tad surly and scared, but he is quite the sassy little coquette in his new beige blond hairdo! How fabulous that Mr. Bush chose not to stay the course with yesterday afternoon's white 'do that, all for the wont of intentionally cheap pearls, risked making him look like his mother after an elusive diet. Just an hour before the debate began, Georgie asked me, "2B or not 2B?" I quickly steered him towards the sink and lobbied persuasively that he opt for a flip with Clairol 7B (Tawny Summer), rather than an inevitable flop with Clairol 2B (Anemic Crone).
After retrieving my Aveda Sun Source tanning crème from Mr. Bush (and admonishing him that one five ounce tube is generally not thought to be "one application" by those who've never dated Ben Affleck), I tried to quell his concerns about his new saucy blond locks by saying: "Even as a Christian, I know that it's better to be whorey than hoary, dear!" (Which left him looking rather perplexed an expression he was unable to shake for several hours.)"
- Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian