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Questions regarding engagement rings

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
Hi,

Sometime in the next three to six months I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. I had some practical questions, though, and wanted to see a cross-section of different people's approaches to the issue. I can't ask my friends who are married, because she's friends with them too, and secrets don't always get kept so well. Luckily, she's computer illiterate, so she'd never find this post (or this website, for that matter).

1) Is the engagement ring a totally separate ring from the wedding ring? Or is the wedding ring a touched-up engagement ring?

2) Do guys wear an engagement ring, or is that just for gals?

3) How do you figure out what size to get the engagement ring for the gal? Just guesstimate?

4) (not solely about rings) How long were you engaged before you married?

Thanks for any responses!
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post #2 of 25
Quote:
Originally posted by Mitlov
Hi,

Sometime in the next three to six months I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. I had some practical questions, though, and wanted to see a cross-section of different people's approaches to the issue. I can't ask my friends who are married, because she's friends with them too, and secrets don't always get kept so well. Luckily, she's computer illiterate, so she'd never find this post (or this website, for that matter).

1) Is the engagement ring a totally separate ring from the wedding ring? Or is the wedding ring a touched-up engagement ring?

2) Do guys wear an engagement ring, or is that just for gals?

3) How do you figure out what size to get the engagement ring for the gal? Just guesstimate?

4) (not solely about rings) How long were you engaged before you married?

Thanks for any responses!

1. in my experience, yes -- sometimes it's something that can mate with the wedding band later.

2. just for the ladies, but that is only in traditional whitey north america, your results may vary

3. yes, but I think that is accounted for by jewlers

4. jump in, the water's warm, but it's deep!

When I did the deed, I had a friend who taught gemology and did rings on the side, he saved me some much needed dinero at the time. But, Caveat Emptor in any case is good advice.

(and if you can get any married female posters to respond, they will actually remember the details)

In our desire to impose form on the world we have lost the capacity to see the form that is there;
and in that lies not liberation but alienation, the cutting off from things as they really are. --...

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In our desire to impose form on the world we have lost the capacity to see the form that is there;
and in that lies not liberation but alienation, the cutting off from things as they really are. --...

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post #3 of 25
Quote:
Originally posted by Mitlov
Hi,

Sometime in the next three to six months I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. I had some practical questions, though, and wanted to see a cross-section of different people's approaches to the issue. I can't ask my friends who are married, because she's friends with them too, and secrets don't always get kept so well. Luckily, she's computer illiterate, so she'd never find this post (or this website, for that matter).

1) Is the engagement ring a totally separate ring from the wedding ring? Or is the wedding ring a touched-up engagement ring?

2) Do guys wear an engagement ring, or is that just for gals?

3) How do you figure out what size to get the engagement ring for the gal? Just guesstimate?

4) (not solely about rings) How long were you engaged before you married?

Thanks for any responses!

1. When i bought the engagement ring, I bought a matching wedding band as well.... chicks seem to like things to matchup... but you can buy the engagement ring then go sshopping with your girl later just in case she is a fussy little thing!

2. Just for girls traditionally, but... whatever floats your boat!

3. try and grab a ring of her's to match-up too... if you cant then guesstimate but make sure you get the jeweller to agree to a free fitting of the ring if your wrong.

4. I was engaged for nearly two years... in fact Im still engaged... I get married on October 1st!

Good luck mate, I hope your life is full of happiness with your soon-to-be fiancé.

b.
"The world is all that is the case"
~ Ludwig Wittgenstein
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"The world is all that is the case"
~ Ludwig Wittgenstein
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post #4 of 25
1. Matching them isn't hard if you go with something simple.

2. Girls only.

3. Find a ring of hers and take it to a jeweller. -or- Ask one of her best friends to find out for you. Trust me, they won't spill the beans. If you go this route do all your other work first, you don't want to rely on that silence too long.

4. ~15 months.

Also, think about what kind of gem you're going to get for the ring. If you want to do a diamond and you can afford it, that's fine, but be smart about it. Better to have extra money for your daily lives than extra bling on her finger.

Also, find out what gem cut she likes. I was all set for a round cut for my wife then I gently broach the subject (one of her friends was recently engaged at the time, which was a perfect cover for gleaning info) and I found out she doesn't like rounds and prefers princess cut.

You will have to be skilled like the ninja. Good luck.
proud resident of a failed state
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proud resident of a failed state
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post #5 of 25
Assuming you're not the same person, check out AppleNova's excellent discussion of engagement rings. (Definitely bring up the conflict diamond question!)
post #6 of 25
Thread Starter 
Groverat--about the stone. I'm actually not doing the diamond route. My gf has some strong feelings about the African diamond trade. Now, I'm not saying I agree or disagree, but she doesn't like diamonds, so that's all that matters (I was able to bring this up safely because we went to a friend of her's wedding together, and I brought up the question that way). It turns out she actually prefers the look of opaque stones (especially jade and opal) to precious gems (rubies, emeralds, etc). Now, I'm no cheapskate--if she liked diamonds, I'd find some way to get a nice one for her. But I honestly think she'd prefer something like a nicely-cut piece of jade or opal in a nice, custom-made setting.

Anyway, I'm not averse to hearing about people's diamond-buying tips, and I'm certainly not going to whip out a soapbox to lecture about it. I'm just explaining what route I might be taking.
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post #7 of 25
One thing to think about re: the ring is whether the surprise is really important. My wife and I talked about it first and went shopping together for the ring. But your girlfriend might prefer the surprise, or the fact that you put the effort in to pick one out for her that you thought she'd like.

I was engaged for a year, but we had been living together for 4 years before that when we were poor grad students and wanted to save money on the rent.
post #8 of 25
1. Engagement rings are different from wedding rings.
2. Only girls are lucky enough to wear them.
3. Unless you want to ruin the surprise, then you just have to make an estimate (or find an ingenious way of finding her size without letting her know)
4. Usually a year.
post #9 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitlov View Post

Groverat--about the stone. I'm actually not doing the diamond route. My gf has some strong feelings about the African diamond trade. Now, I'm not saying I agree or disagree, but she doesn't like diamonds, so that's all that matters (I was able to bring this up safely because we went to a friend of her's wedding together, and I brought up the question that way). It turns out she actually prefers the look of opaque stones (especially jade and opal) to precious gems (rubies, emeralds, etc). Now, I'm no cheapskate--if she liked diamonds, I'd find some way to get a nice one for her. But I honestly think she'd prefer something like a nicely-cut piece of jade or opal in a nice, custom-made setting.

Anyway, I'm not averse to hearing about people's diamond-buying tips, and I'm certainly not going to whip out a soapbox to lecture about it. I'm just explaining what route I might be taking.

Well if your girlfriend is not impressed by the African diamond trade, she certainly won't care for the Burmese gem trade. Seems Australian opals would be a good choice.

But really, a synthetic diamond might also be a good choice. The reason is that if we can slowly remove the stigma associated with synthetic diamonds, then people will opt for them more often, instead of going the "blood diamond" route. And today's synthetic diamonds are nearly indistinguishable from the natural stones. We're not talking cubic zirconia here.
post #10 of 25
hope all goes well and your marriage is as wonderful as mine is....we share the same values, lived independtly and both ran a household and can make and keep budgets.

my experience.....take your time
look at diamionds unmounted, mounts hide flaws. don't use a mall jewerly store- i looked at 200 loose diamonds over 3-4 months to pick the exact one....browny points for the wife...but that's the way i handle ANY jewerly purchase for my wife...i make it as personal as possible...i picked out you ring not some lacky....develop a relationship with a good certified jewler...you'll visit and trust them often
a .9, .96, 1.03 carat are nearly identical to the eye and can save money by not specifying the "actual " size, e.g don't say "i want a 1 carat, or 1/2 carat, diamond," say about that size and look at them with a loop.

the engagement ring is separate from the wedding band, i got my wife a round standard cut engagement ring and picked out AT THE SAME TIME and "wrap" that goes around the engagement ring THEN AFTER THE WEDDING GET THEM SOLDERED TOGETHER SO THEY FIT ANDDON'T SLIP AROUND.

get a simple gold band for both of you--why? we got married in the church and we had all bands blessed so i have a diamond wedding ring that she picked out for me, and my band, both blessed and i can switch them without going ringless (can't do that, i have to have a ring of wonder on me at all times--and i can wear the band even with gloves on)

get a rider on you home insurance, have it appraised (should come free) ask your insurance company which appraisal association is best....some are just junk.

size--ask girlfriends or family members, unless you can get one of her rings and draw the inside on a piece of paper and give to you jewler...make an appointment for sizing soon after you give it.

when i told my wife "i love you" on valentines day, i knew she was the one to marry...we had gone out about 12-14 months, we got engaged about 2-3 months later on a trip to san francisco but was engaged for about 4-5 months. basically you set A DATE mine was the first saturday that was the same day as our first date (more browny poins) which was the 19th, so the first 19th was in april and bingo.

sit back a feel the love.
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post #11 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by jewelry-fan View Post

1. Engagement rings are different from wedding rings.
2. Only girls are lucky enough to wear them.
3. Unless you want to ruin the surprise, then you just have to make an estimate (or find an ingenious way of finding her size without letting her know)
4. Usually a year.

How nice of you to register just to answer his question, Sylvia...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #12 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by benjamin_r View Post

4. I was engaged for nearly two years... in fact Im still engaged... I get married on October 1st!

Which would be today...

Congratulations!
post #13 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonton View Post

But really, a synthetic diamond might also be a good choice. The reason is that if we can slowly remove the stigma associated with synthetic diamonds, then people will opt for them more often, instead of going the "blood diamond" route. And today's synthetic diamonds are nearly indistinguishable from the natural stones. We're not talking cubic zirconia here.

DeBeers is evil. Synthetic diamond, incidentally, are also BETTER. They are perfect. The thing is, it's not about the diamond, it's about the money you plunk down. If iron cost more than diamonds do, girls would want iron rings.
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Cat: the other white meat
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post #14 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood View Post

How nice of you to register just to answer his question, Sylvia...

No kidding. It's interesting watching the rise in forum spam, particularly since users still are largely aware of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taskiss View Post

Which would be today...

Well, two years ago today. This thread is from 2005.
post #15 of 25
His marriage is probably over by now...

Little did we know that Mitlov was actually K-Fed.
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #16 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by BRussell View Post

One thing to think about re: the ring is whether the surprise is really important. My wife and I talked about it first and went shopping together for the ring. But your girlfriend might prefer the surprise, or the fact that you put the effort in to pick one out for her that you thought she'd like.

I was engaged for a year, but we had been living together for 4 years before that when we were poor grad students and wanted to save money on the rent.

My wife and I did the same. The surprise was the engagement, not the ring... we picked it out together and she's really happy we did it this way. She's going to be wearing the ring for a really long time so it's important that she actually likes it.

Edit: doh.... I just saw that this is a really old thread.
post #17 of 25
You sure have good questions but I am afraid the all the answers are relative and very specific from case to case. Why do you want to know all about it? Sometimes spontaneity is very recommended. I guess the only thing you need to be sure of is your girlfriend affirmative answer. And yea, in most cases engagement rings come separated from wedding rings, but that's also relative.
post #18 of 25
Interesting. Now spammer gordman spammed the same thread that spammer jewelry-fan resurrected.
post #19 of 25
I don't know about this guy...

He's made some posts without spamming, but also given links to a drug rehab center, a copper sink store, and now an online jewelry place.

"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #20 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood View Post

He's made some posts without spamming, but also given links to a drug rehab center, a copper sink store, and now an online jewelry place.

All the non-spam posts were made immediately before the first spam post. Some forum spammers do things like that to try to appear like regular users, hoping no one is paying attention enough to notice and, if it is noticed, that the users and admins are won't figure out what they are doing. I still don't understand how they get away with it, but people also still read digg without realizing it's just a torrent of spam.
post #21 of 25
I hope you're as happy as I thought I was going to be
post #22 of 25
Hi Mitlov,

In understand you, I was in that 'period of time' some weeks ago.

1) Is the engagement ring a totally separate ring from the wedding ring? Or is the wedding ring a touched-up engagement ring? Yes the engagement ring and the wedding ring are different.

2) Do guys wear an engagement ring, or is that just for gals? Yes, we guys should use it too. There's no problem about it.

3) How do you figure out what size to get the engagement ring for the gal? Just guesstimate? Can you get a rign she's currently using? Or if you already sleep together, try to get deck and measure her fingers. Then you could check in these engagement rings and try to get an idea of her size.

4) (not solely about rings) How long were you engaged before you married? 10 years.
post #23 of 25
Can this thread be locked?

I'm sick of it popping up every month...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #24 of 25
Agreed.
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17" i7 Macbook Pro (Mid 2010), Mac Mini (early 2006), G3 B&W, G3 Beige Tower, 3 G3 iMacs (original, bondi, snow), Power Mac 7600/132, Power Mac 7100/100, Power Mac 6100/60, Performa 5280, Performa...
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post #25 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood View Post

Can this thread be locked?

I'm sick of it popping up every month...

Yeah, especially after that zombie bump by spammer Sylvia...

-t
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