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New charges against Lance Armstrong

post #1 of 53
Thread Starter 
New charges against Lance Armstrong

PARIS, France -- Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time.

Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.
The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap, which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.

Armstrong's girlfriend and American rocker Sheryl Crowe is quoted as saying "we use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok throughout Europe."

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also found several other interesting items on Armstrong that they have never seen before, including a backbone and one testicle.
post #2 of 53
How is it that everybody who thinks other nationalities are nationalists and don´t like americans have nationalists tendencies and don´t like other nationalities?
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post #3 of 53
If this thread was meant to be funny, it didn't work. It's just disgusting.
post #4 of 53
Thread Starter 
Oh, come on! How can you read that and not laugh?
You guys need to get out more.
post #5 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Oh, come on! How can you read that and not laugh?

Maybe because it's not funny? Because there is a big possibility that Armstrong really cheated? Because of Freedom Fries? Because the French are always to blame for everything? Because of the outcome of every political thread in this forum? Because the superiority of the Americans demonstrated by certain members in this forum? Because we might know France better than you? Because...
post #6 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by durin oakenskin
Maybe because it's not funny? Because there is a big possibility that Armstrong really cheated? Because of Freedom Fries? Because the French are always to blame for everything? Because of the outcome of every political thread in this forum? Because the superiority of the Americans demonstrated by certain members in this forum? Because we might know France better than you? Because...

Don't get your panties in a bunch, its called a joke.
Americans have a sense of humor, I guess that's another form of superiority.
post #7 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Don't get your panties in a bunch, its called a joke.
Americans have a sense of humor, I guess that's another form of superiority.

Ah, I see. Didn't know that.
post #8 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Americans have a sense of humor, I guess that's another form of superiority.

That's the only funny thing that you've posted in this thread.

Pathetic.
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post #9 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Oh, come on! How can you read that and not laugh?
You guys need to get out more.

this board is populated by a bunch of dick in ass liberals and europeans. of course they aren't going to have a sense of humor and of course they are going to jump to the conclusion that Lance doped and jump all over any questionable evidence suggesting he was
post #10 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by audiopollution
That's the only funny thing that you've posted in this thread.

Pathetic.

What's pathetic? That you can't take a joke?
Buy a life for Christmas
post #11 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by Bronxite
this board is populated by a bunch of dick in ass liberals and europeans. of course they aren't going to have a sense of humor and of course they are going to jump to the conclusion that Lance doped and jump all over any questionable evidence suggesting he was

Brilliant! I'm utterly stunned. You've set a new bar. We'll be convening a special committee in the secret 'libruls only' section of the forum in order to come up with a response. That is, if we can figure out that ass & dick thing you seem so knowledgable of.

Thanks for furthering your countries decline.

Now quick! I hear your mom calling.
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post #12 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
What's pathetic? That you can't take a joke?
Buy a life for Christmas

What's pathetic is that you're trumpeting 'sarcasm' as an indicator of superiority.

There's a special section of hell in which you have to listen to sarcasm and puns for eternity.
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post #13 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Bronxite
this board is populated by a bunch of dick in ass liberals and europeans. of course they aren't going to have a sense of humor and of course they are going to jump to the conclusion that Lance doped and jump all over any questionable evidence suggesting he was

It really has been taken over by a Left-Wing Group who are rabidly Anti-American and Anti-Israeli and who have no sense of humor at all.
post #14 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by audiopollution
What's pathetic is that you're trumpeting 'sarcasm' as an indicator of superiority.

There's a special section of hell in which you have to listen to sarcasm and puns for eternity.

What is your major malfunction, private!?
It was humor, they don't have sarcastic humor in Europe?
Did that dissapear along with all kind of common sense?
post #15 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
What is your major malfunction, private!?
It was humor, they don't have sarcastic humor in Europe?
Did that dissapear along with all kind of common sense?

My point is that sarcasm, in competition with pun, has claimed the title of 'lowest form of humour'. That joke scores a 3 on the superiority scale.
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post #16 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by audiopollution
My point is that sarcasm, in competition with pun, has claimed the title of 'lowest form of humour'. That joke scores a 3 on the superiority scale.

Thats because you have no sense of humor
post #17 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Thats because you have no sense of humor

I think the problem is that I speak English, whereas you speak American.

The humour is getting lost in translation, as I'm sure my expectations aren't too high.

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"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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post #18 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by audiopollution
I think the problem is that I speak English, whereas you speak American.

The humour is getting lost in translation, as I'm sure my expectations aren't too high.


And who has the superiority complex?
post #19 of 53
Jesus.

Could we please close this thread?
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They spoke of the sayings and doings of their commander, the grand duke, and told stories of his kindness and irascibility.
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post #20 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by addabox
Jesus.

Could we please close this thread?

I start a thread with a very funny joke and now there's a request to close it already?

What is the matter with you people?
post #21 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by addabox
Jesus.

Could we please close this thread?

Nah. The longer the thread gets, the funnier it becomes. A 'lock' would be the obvious punchline.
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post #22 of 53
no need to lock it, even though this joke came out LAST YEAR after that win, but at the very least it needs to be moved out of PO.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

I wish developing great products was as easy as writing a check. If that were the case, then Microsoft would...
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post #23 of 53
Now it's time for more outrageous jokes. Check this one:

A rabbi, a priest and Saddam Hussein walk into a bar. That's pretty zany, isn't it? What I want to know is... which bar is this? HAHA okay.

How's this for a headline?

Lance Armstrong Poisoned By Paris Water Supply

PARIS, France - Lance Armstrong is in hospital being treated for an E. Coli infection after drinking from a Paris hotel fountain.

"Well, after I took a [bowel movement], I felt dehydrated, so I took a drink from the fountain in my bathroom," Armstrong reports.

"It was a few hours later that I felt sick. I should have known; the water tasted like ass." Haha because it was a bidet. OH GOD!

Your mom is so fat she wouldn't fit into a fat truck.

Your mom is so ugly her kid ended up looking like you.

I'll be back as soon as my trunk full of props arrives.
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post #24 of 53
not even a smile cracked.

hope these are excellent props...
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

I wish developing great products was as easy as writing a check. If that were the case, then Microsoft would...
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

I wish developing great products was as easy as writing a check. If that were the case, then Microsoft would...
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post #25 of 53
Your mom is so stupid she can't figure anything out.

Your mom is so skanky, she sleeps with your dad. And you too, sucker!

Your mom eats so much food, she uses up all the coupons she gets to buy more items and eventually ends up buying every item in the store for which there is a coupon, to the point where it's ridiculous, because she's not really saving any money.

How do garbagemen complement each other? "Nice cans."

Here's one for x86 fans: Your tennis game is so bad, you get triple faults and have to restart.

Ah, how many compulsive weightlifters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a trick question. Compulsive weightlifters would only screw in a heavy bulb.

What did Bill Gates say to Steve Ballmer before the developers' conference? I have no idea lol! LOL

What did Jesus Christ say when he stubbed his toe? Jesus Christ! LOOOLL

More, rageous?
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post #26 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Mac The Fork
Your mom is so stupid she can't figure anything out.

Your mom is so skanky, she sleeps with your dad. And you too, sucker!

Your mom eats so much food, she uses up all the coupons she gets to buy more items and eventually ends up buying every item in the store for which there is a coupon, to the point where it's ridiculous, because she's not really saving any money.

How do garbagemen complement each other? "Nice cans."

Here's one for x86 fans: Your tennis game is so bad, you get triple faults and have to restart.

Ah, how many compulsive weightlifters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a trick question. Compulsive weightlifters would only screw in a heavy bulb.

What did Bill Gates say to Steve Ballmer before the developers' conference? I have no idea lol! LOL

What did Jesus Christ say when he stubbed his toe? Jesus Christ! LOOOLL

More, rageous?

Oh Good Lord, what have I done?
post #27 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Oh Good Lord, what have I done?

Now you understand. A hundred hail Marys and you're okay.
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post #28 of 53
Quote:
this board is populated by a bunch of dick in ass liberals and europeans. of course they aren't going to have a sense of humor and of course they are going to jump to the conclusion that Lance doped and jump all over any questionable evidence suggesting he was

gee, i consider my self fairly liberal and could swear i've never had a dick in my ass. let me think... nope pretty sure i never had a dick in my ass. now a girl i was getting freaky with did stick her finger up there once, but only to the first knuckle, i swear. boy was i surprised. does that somehow make me anti-american or anti-israeli? i could see how you'd think that, you being you and all.
post #29 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by running with scissors
gee, i consider my self fairly liberal and could swear i've never had a dick in my ass. let me think... nope pretty sure i never had a dick in my ass. now a girl i was getting freaky with did stick her finger up there once, but only to the first knuckle, i swear. boy was i surprised. does that somehow make me anti-american or anti-israeli? i could see how you'd think that, you being you and all.

Actually I made the anti-American and anti-Israeli comment, not him.
And it wasn't directed against your basic liberal, it was against Euro-leftist weenies
post #30 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by steve666
Actually I made the anti-American and anti-Israeli comment, not him.
And it wasn't directed against your basic liberal, it was against Euro-leftist weenies

yeah, i know. but you know how it is, you people all look the same. my point is that you are over generalizing not just the french, but europeans as well. not all the french believe these accusations against armstrong nor all europeans are not weenies. besides, what determines if a person is a weenie? is it because they don't agree with your particular view on things, political or otherwise?
post #31 of 53
In fairness, a lot of Europeans (not just the French) do show a degree of schadenfreude when an American athlete fails...it's not because they hate Americans though, they just like to piss off those Americans who express the kind of jingoistic arrogance displayed by one or two of the posters in this thread.

One thing I have noticed is that the kind of American who is likely to find jokes about how dirty and cowardly the French are (or how everyone in England has bad teeth and is kinda gay, or how the Japanese have small penises) to be funny is generally someone with deeply rooted feelings of cultural and historical inferiority who hasnt traveled much. The kind of American who regards such jokes as pointless, ignorant and stupid is generally one who is intelligent enough to realize that nationalities, races and religions are not sports teams.
post #32 of 53
armstrong is annoying and was tested positive for drugs. i don't think that's an excuse for someone to write a joke that isn't funny.

oh, and what's with english people always telling americans how subtle their humor is? maybe they are trying to be ironic?
post #33 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by kneelbeforezod
In fairness, a lot of Europeans (not just the French) do show a degree of schadenfreude when an American athlete fails...it's not because they hate Americans though, they just like to piss off those Americans who express the kind of jingoistic arrogance displayed by one or two of the posters in this thread.

Maybe. I have only Schadenfreude when a very arrogant athlete fails, such as Lance Armstrong (if you've seen the CNN interview, you know what I mean). As they found out that Alex Zuelle, a Swiss cyclist, took forbidden drugs, I reacted the same. If you cheat, you deserve it.

Quote:
One thing I have noticed is that the kind of American who is likely to find jokes about how dirty and cowardly the French are (or how everyone in England has bad teeth and is kinda gay, or how the Japanese have small penises) to be funny is generally someone with deeply rooted feelings of cultural and historical inferiority who hasnt traveled much. The kind of American who regards such jokes as pointless, ignorant and stupid is generally one who is intelligent enough to realize that nationalities, races and religions are not sports teams.

Very well said.
post #34 of 53
The ironic thing is that most americans could care less about cycling.

On a seperate note:

Jokes about stereotypes are funny. Seriously!

I especially appreciate them because they tend to call attention to traits that we all notice but never mention in order to avoid offending anyone. This is why people go see standup comedy acts. Comedians are allowed to say things that we would find insulting in everyday life. It is a good way to acknowledge stereotypes in a non-confrontational manner. Ignoring stereotypes makes you blind to many realities in the world.

Case in point, Chris Rock's HBO special. He called attention to stereotypes in both black and white cultures.

Another example: My father is a psychologist while I am a programmer. We love to rib eachother about our differences in personality and lifestyle.

I suspect that those offended by the original post are carrying over aggression from previous confrontational experiences. (Granted, some of the subsequent posts were obviously made by complete assholes.) So what if someone mentioned that french and american shower habits are slightly different... or even that the difference is overblown. Exagerations are funny too.
post #35 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by durin oakenskin
Maybe. I have only Schadenfreude when a very arrogant athlete fails, such as Lance Armstrong (if you've seen the CNN interview, you know what I mean).

Interesting. I would consider Lance to be one of the most humble athletes in our generation.

There are many people out to get him at this point. Whether he is guilty or not, the ammount of restraint he has shown is amazing. Normally, when people are picked apart in the public eye, there comes a breaking point. They snap and say all sorts of unfounded and insulting things.

I could care less what nationality Lance is, if he won this year, or even if he cheated. I would have the same opinion of his public conduct with regards to arrogance.

What I think this really boils down to is the amount of hostility americans have managed to generate towards themselves in the last decade. Some of it is quite well deserved. I think Lance, as a famous american, is bearing the brunt of this hostility.
post #36 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by dfiler
The ironic thing is that most americans could care less about cycling.

On a seperate note:

Jokes about stereotypes are funny. Seriously!

I especially appreciate them because they tend to call attention to traits that we all notice but never mention in order to avoid offending anyone. This is why people go see standup comedy acts. Comedians are allowed to say things that we would find insulting in everyday life. It is a good way to acknowledge stereotypes in a non-confrontational manner. Ignoring stereotypes makes you blind to many realities in the world.

Case in point, Chris Rock's HBO special. He called attention to stereotypes in both black and white cultures.

Another example: My father is a psychologist while I am a programmer. We love to rib eachother about our differences in personality and lifestyle.

I suspect that those offended by the original post are carrying over aggression from previous confrontational experiences. (Granted, some of the subsequent posts were obviously made by complete assholes.) So what if someone mentioned that french and american shower habits are slightly different... or even that the difference is overblown. Exagerations are funny too.

I disagree with this one. Sterotypes really make your blind, they are superficial and can be racist.

You don't believe me, here is one classical, dramatical and lame stereotype :
- jews are greedy.

This is plain stupid, and has lead to one of the most terrible episode of our history

. The real problem with stereotype is that they let you focus at the examples supported by the stereotype.

For example to continue with my example of the jews. There is a lot of chance to know a greedy jew : this will confirm that the stereotype is true. But it's not, the stereotype bias our perception. We are searching examples who fit with the stereotype and ignore the counter examples.

Stereotypes are bad, they blind us, and bias us.
post #37 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by Bronxite
this board is populated by a bunch of dick in ass liberals and europeans. of course they aren't going to have a sense of humor and of course they are going to jump to the conclusion that Lance doped and jump all over any questionable evidence suggesting he was

The dick in ass part I don't get. But this forums is full of liberals. Who by the way love to bash conservatives every day but get upset when they are made fun of.

Edit there will be no response to this post because there is no post way that it could be contradicted.
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post #38 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by progmac
armstrong is annoying and was tested positive for drugs. i don't think that's an excuse for someone to write a joke that isn't funny.

not to be an asshole, but how is armstrong annoying? because he has dominated the tour for so long?

also, i wasn't aware that these allegations were more than just that, allegations. if, perchance, he was found to have been doing illegal substances, then he deserves whatever criticism you can throw his way. until then, it just comes across as sour grapes.
post #39 of 53
Its the bit of truth in stereotypes that makes them powerful tools, humorous, and insightful (at times).

We learn from stereotypes.

What we don't learn from is yet another athelete being charged with doping. Clearly its going to happen, who cares?
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post #40 of 53
Quote:
Originally posted by running with scissors
not to be an asshole, but how is armstrong annoying? because he has dominated the tour for so long?

i don't know. his whole persona just annoys me. winning every tour de poisson annoys me too. i've got nothing to back it up, seriously
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