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Billy Connolly Question

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Does anyone know which comedy tour/special was the one where Connolly talks about the Queen getting an itchy ass?
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
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Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
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post #2 of 10
Quote:
Originally posted by midwinter
Does anyone know which comedy tour/special was the one where Connolly talks about the Queen getting an itchy ass?

And so began Professor Midwinter's farewell to gravitas....
They spoke of the sayings and doings of their commander, the grand duke, and told stories of his kindness and irascibility.
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They spoke of the sayings and doings of their commander, the grand duke, and told stories of his kindness and irascibility.
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post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by addabox
And so began Professor Midwinter's farewell to gravitas....

*cough*
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
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post #4 of 10
Dude! Hell yeah I know. It was \\"Whoopi Goldberg Presents Billy Connolly HBO Comedy Special 1989. Robin Williams was in the audience laughing his ass off. Which I have to admit had the same effect on me.

Unfortunately the DVD doesn\\'t exist as far as I know however if you go here or here these two jems together contain most of the footage you interested in.

Things I hate about everybody....
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say \\"Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too\\". F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can\\'t eat it?

4. When people say \\"it\\'s always the last place you look\\". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you\\'ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film \\"did you see that?\\". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. People who ask \\"Can I ask you a question?\\". Didn\\'t really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is new and improved!. Which is it? If it\\'s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it\\'s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say \\"life is short\\". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that\\\\\\'s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, \\"Has the bus come yet?\\". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

10. People who say things like \\'My eyes aren\\'t what they used to be\\'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you\\'re eating something and someone asks \\'Is that nice?\\' No it\\'s really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that\\\\\\'s an image I really didn\\'t need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don\\\\\\'t understand you unless you insert the Mc before the item you are ordering.....It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken burger gets blank looks...........Well I\\'ll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

14. When you\\'re involved in a accident and someone asks are you alright? Yes fine thanks, I\\'ll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Sorry for the slashes, posting through a proxy because of work ... censor me hah!
When I looked up "Ninjas" in Thesaurus.com, it said "Ninja's can't be found" Well played Ninjas, well played.
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When I looked up "Ninjas" in Thesaurus.com, it said "Ninja's can't be found" Well played Ninjas, well played.
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post #5 of 10
Thread Starter 
That's it! OH, man that was the funniest thing I've seen in forever.

All of this has been prompted by a friend of mine visiting family in England and coming back LOADED with DVDs. Eddie Izzard's "Sexie" (which, sadly, I didn't like) and Billy Connolly "Live in New York" (which is the funniest thing I've seen since the one I asked about here).
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
post #6 of 10
The guy is hilarious, I dont think I can think of another comedian who can make me laugh to the point where I\\'m gasping for air. He is one of the most unappreciated comedians in the US, nobody knows who he is except maybe for some of his movie appearances. I recommend those two DVDs I linked to earlier, there clips of his entire career and worth every penny. I love throwing them into the DVD player to torture my friends by making them laugh to death. YES THE GUY IS THAT FUNNY.
When I looked up "Ninjas" in Thesaurus.com, it said "Ninja's can't be found" Well played Ninjas, well played.
Reply
When I looked up "Ninjas" in Thesaurus.com, it said "Ninja's can't be found" Well played Ninjas, well played.
Reply
post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Relic
The guy is hilarious, I dont think I can think of another comedian who can make me laugh to the point where I\\'m gasping for air. He is one of the most unappreciated comedians in the US, nobody knows who he is except maybe for some of his movie appearances. I recommend those two DVDs I linked to earlier, there clips of his entire career and worth every penny. I love throwing them into the DVD player to torture my friends by making them laugh to death. YES THE GUY IS THAT FUNNY.

My abdomen is literally *sore* from laughing so hard last night, so I know what you mean.
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
post #8 of 10
Agreed! Top man, all round.

And no, he doesn't just do the one-liner beautifully put up earlier - he is more of a story teller. I don't recall the queen/ass story, but sounds typical Billy.

Anyone who has seen him perform the "how does pubic hair know when to stop growing?" routine will never, ever forget it.............

David
post #9 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by iMac David
Agreed! Top man, all round.

And no, he doesn't just do the one-liner beautifully put up earlier - he is more of a story teller. I don't recall the queen/ass story, but sounds typical Billy.

It comes in the middle of a bit on having an itchy ass. IIRC, he talks about having a *really* itchy ass and imagines going down the throat to get at it. Then he wanders into a discussion of whether or not the Queen ever gets an itchy ass, and he finally decides that if she were to, she would simply say "GO AWAY ITCHY ASS" and it would.
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
Reply
post #10 of 10
I can imagine that easily!

I saw him live a few years ago, and almost died..............it is so difficult to breath when you've lost control of your laughter!

David
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