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Writing a paper...

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
I'm writing a research paper on the development of the Mac. So far I have a title and an introduction. I was wondering if you would tell me what you think about it. It's kind of non-conventional, so that's why I'm asking for some input. All the info is from Wikipedia...I just haven't sourced it yet.


The Macintosh Apple

The McIntosh apple is a popular apple that is grown in North America, especially in the New England area and south east Canada. This species of apple was named after its founder, John McIntosh who discovered the apple in 1811 on his farm in Ontario, Canada. The apple has a deep red skin which prompted it its official name, the McIntosh Red. The apple is also the most popular apple to be used in applesauce, cider and and pies. In fact, any McIntosh apple that you find today is directly related to the single McIntosh tree found on John McIntoshs farm. John tried to reproduce this wonderful tree in his garden but was unsuccessful; however, John will soon prevail. About twenty five years later he and his son learned about a technique called grafting (which is a way to reproduce a plant with out planting its seeds.) As they learned how to do this, they successfully figured out how to reproduce the McIntosh tree. Now, about 170 years after the first McIntosh tree was found, science had developed a new type of apple. This new kind of apple was also going to be revolutionary. Just as John McIntosh had stumbled upon the apple tree on his farm, Jef Raskin had stumbled on an idea to create a new breed of apple. This new apple would be called the Macintosh--but it wasnt an apple, technically speaking. The Macintosh was a computer, that once fully developed and ready for the public, would ultimate change the way people viewed and used computers.


Thanks.
post #2 of 9
I would cut the stuff about the apple, as it's confusing and doesn't really set up the point about Raskin making a new kind of apple as nicely as it ought. Start by talking about what computers were like before the Apple Macintosh and use that to set up how radical the project was.

Also, source as you go, not later. This will save you from getting an F for plagiarism simply because you forgot to source a couple of paragraphs.
Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
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Gangs are not seen as legitimate, because they don't have control over public schools.
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post #3 of 9
The Mac got many things from the Lisa and improved on them. The Lisa was for business and the mac was for everyone and came later. Lisa had a mouse and GUI which the mac improved on. The first change from the 5.25 to 3.5 floppy drives. The whole size of the mac was about 60% of the Lisa.

I agree that you should start with establishing what was out there at the time. Prices for computers, memory and who was using these small computers. What advances this machine made. What could be connected to it. Last but not least the members of the developement team. It is a rich history with some really smart guys working on this project.

The reason I got my first mac was because of the apple laserwriter printer. That printer was far above everything else at the time. The change from dot matrix to laser printer allowed good graphics in a document.

reg
post #4 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your inputs. I might even quote you in my paper, reg. =P
post #5 of 9
Watch out for "its". You spelled it "it's" where it should've been "its".

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS THIS
post #6 of 9
A couple of us on AI are teachers, so we would love to give you some feedback. Where's my red pen!

Have you planned your paper yet? It should be planned before you start writing, and researched before completely planned. Of course, you need to have some idea in mind when you start your research and then plan your paper around the research.

A simple mind-map would really help you think through what you want to say and the organize it. It will help you notice where you have too much or too little info - i.e., too much about the apple apple. I don't like outlining, especially early in a project, as it is too restrictive on the thought process. Mind-mapping is freer, and allows you to see your entire plan develop on one page.

Way back in college, I bought a Mac Plus, which was the second Mac released. I also used Apple IIes and TRS-80s at school and, a bit later, a VAX system and some IBM PCs running DOS. If you want, post a few questions and I'll post my answers. This will then be your research and you can cite me. Does anyone out there know the proper citation for a username on a thread like this?

Also, in your text, you say it would "ultimate change" things. That should be "utlimately".

 

Your = the possessive of you, as in, "Your name is Tom, right?" or "What is your name?"

 

You're = a contraction of YOU + ARE as in, "You are right" --> "You're right."

 

 

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Your = the possessive of you, as in, "Your name is Tom, right?" or "What is your name?"

 

You're = a contraction of YOU + ARE as in, "You are right" --> "You're right."

 

 

Reply
post #7 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks Placebo, I've been catching those all over my paper.

Quote:
Originally posted by Bergermeister
A couple of us on AI are teachers, so we would love to give you some feedback. Where's my red pen!

Have you planned your paper yet? It should be planned before you start writing, and researched before completely planned. Of course, you need to have some idea in mind when you start your research and then plan your paper around the research.

A simple mind-map would really help you think through what you want to say and the organize it. It will help you notice where you have too much or too little info - i.e., too much about the apple apple. I don't like outlining, especially early in a project, as it is too restrictive on the thought process. Mind-mapping is freer, and allows you to see your entire plan develop on one page.

Way back in college, I bought a Mac Plus, which was the second Mac released. I also used Apple IIes and TRS-80s at school and, a bit later, a VAX system and some IBM PCs running DOS. If you want, post a few questions and I'll post my answers. This will then be your research and you can cite me. Does anyone out there know the proper citation for a username on a thread like this?

Also, in your text, you say it would "ultimate change" things. That should be "utlimately".

Thanks Bergermeister. I completely agree with you about mind-mapping a paper out instead of writing an outline. I was supposed to have one ready for when I had a conference with my professor, but instead I showed her how prepared I was with material and she was happy.

I wish I could of put more heart into this paper, but it's due tomorrow and writing is definitely not my strongest point. I have most of it done now, but I know it could of been better.
post #8 of 9
Don't forget that Wikipedia is user-contributed and edited and isn't always accurate.

Make sure you source some additional references and check your facts.

Apple History has some tech details on early Mac models, and folks here can recommend lots of other good links.
"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them" -Isaac Asimov
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"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them" -Isaac Asimov
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post #9 of 9
A very good mind-mapping app for the Mac is Concept Draw Mindmap which is here . There is a basic version for 99 bucks, and the pro version is a bit more but you can get an academic discount. Grab the Pro version as it allows you to link all of your maps together. It will certainly make college a bit easier. You'll have the cleanest and coolest looking notes in your class, and most likely better grades to show for it (if of course you review the notes, which is a step a lot of students fail to take, but mind-maps make that step easy and fun).

Hope the paper went alright.

 

Your = the possessive of you, as in, "Your name is Tom, right?" or "What is your name?"

 

You're = a contraction of YOU + ARE as in, "You are right" --> "You're right."

 

 

Reply

 

Your = the possessive of you, as in, "Your name is Tom, right?" or "What is your name?"

 

You're = a contraction of YOU + ARE as in, "You are right" --> "You're right."

 

 

Reply
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