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Post sumthin funny

post #1 of 44
Thread Starter 
Everybody post something funny. A picture, words, whatever you think of. You can do more than one.

Here are some Chuck Norris jokes, cuz I like them...

Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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post #2 of 44
These are serious boards. There is no room for horseplay.
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"some catch on faster than others"
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post #3 of 44
This kid must live in North Korea if he's still talking about Chuck Norris jokes.
post #4 of 44
Thread Starter 
Wowa.

The scary part is I really can't tell if you guys are joking or not.

Oh well.

I feel so unwanted...

And here I thought smiling was so important. Oh well. Silly me..
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post #5 of 44
Well here goes.
Back during the Revolutionary War, General Washington was leading a small company of his troops along the Delaware River one cold winter night. When they happend upon an inn. Washington knoks on the door, an an old woman answers.
Washinton says, " Madam could you put my troops up for the evening?"
To which the woman replies, "Oh I am sorry General, but the inn is all filled up."
General Washington says, "Do you know where we could possibly stay?"
"Well, says the old woman, There is a house of ill repute, up the road about a mile. I am sure the madam there can put you and your troops up fot the evening.
Washington replies, "Well thankyou madam and for your help I will leave Seargent Cox here to gaurd your place, since the British are not too far behind us.
A short while later, Washington and his troops arrive at the house of ill repute. Again Washington knocks on the door and the the madam of the house answers.
Washinton says, " Madam could you put my troops for the evening."
To which the madam replies, " Well how many are you.
Washington says, "Well there are 48 er uh 47 without Cox."
The madam Replies, "You gotta be shiitin' me"
The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive. Thomas Jefferson
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The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive. Thomas Jefferson
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post #6 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by turnwrite

Wowa.

The scary part is I really can't tell if you guys are joking or not.

Oh well.

I feel so unwanted...

And here I thought smiling was so important. Oh well. Silly me..

They are joking, so don't feel bad.

This site will most likely offend someone but I find it absolutely hilarious.

http://www.tard-blog.com/
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #7 of 44
I just watched this and about died laughing. I love Steven Colbert.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8buT...elated&search=
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #8 of 44
I posted this in the other thread too.

This is kind of funny. Not funny ha ha but ...
post #9 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by mydo

I posted this in the other thread too.

This is kind of funny. Not funny ha ha but ...

I watched it. I don't really understand what is funny. I'm sorry.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #10 of 44
post #11 of 44
Congressmen no longer use bookmarks, in stead, they just bend the pages!
You can't quantify how much I don't care -- Bob Kevoian of the Bob and Tom Show.
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You can't quantify how much I don't care -- Bob Kevoian of the Bob and Tom Show.
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post #12 of 44
Yesterday in American Literature I stated to the class that Frederick Douglass should be played by Samuel L. Jackson, and somebody blurted out "Snakes on a Plantation".
post #13 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

Yesterday in American Literature I stated to the class that Frederick Douglass should be played by Samuel L. Jackson, and somebody blurted out "Snakes on a Plantation".

That's amazing. That reminds me of a couple of days ago in Chemistry one of my friends was trying to explain the signifigance of the charges in an ionic compound. This kid is smart and he said one of the dumbest things that I have ever heard. "8 is a number that 5 and 3 have in common." It was hilarious.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #14 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

I watched it. I don't really understand what is funny. I'm sorry.

Well? It's kinda funny because the guy takes his plane off in like 20 feet. He could do it in my driveway if the wind was right. Will you go for amusing?
post #15 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by mydo

Well? It's kinda funny because the guy takes his plane off in like 20 feet. He could do it in my driveway if the wind was right. Will you go for amusing?

Ok, yes. I will go for amusing.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #16 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

That's amazing. That reminds me of a couple of days ago in Chemistry one of my friends was trying to explain the signifigance of the charges in an ionic compound. This kid is smart and he said one of the dumbest things that I have ever heard. "8 is a number that 5 and 3 have in common." It was hilarious.

Chemistry is a fucking scary class for me. It's a ten-person Honors course taught by a former Ranger/West Point chemistry teacher.
post #17 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

Chemistry is a fucking scary class for me. It's a ten-person Honors course taught by a former Ranger/West Point chemistry teacher.

Oh wow, I think that the small class would be nice, but the teacher sounds kind of scary. Are you taking it for the first time? I'm in AP Chemistry, so far it's not too bad.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #18 of 44
Yeah, I'm a junior and new to everything besides basic covalent/ionic concepts from freshman physics. This is supposedly a 101 college course so it's daunting.
post #19 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

Chemistry is a fucking scary class for me. It's a ten-person Honors course taught by a former Ranger/West Point chemistry teacher.


Does he ask you to kick him in the Jimmy?
post #20 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

Yeah, I'm a junior and new to everything besides basic covalent/ionic concepts from freshman physics. This is supposedly a 101 college course so it's daunting.

So how does your school do science? I had Biology freshman year, and then Chemistry 1 sophomore year. After that I could have taken Physics, but I choose to do AP Biology instead. This year, I didn't need a science, but a lot of friends were taking AP Chemistry so I followed suit.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #21 of 44
Thread Starter 
Ahehe. Stephen Colbert is great.

And the Tard Blog is HILARIOUS.

I like The Show with zefrank. It is a funny vlog:
http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/

Also Jack Handy. He says:

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

"If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink."

"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea."
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post #22 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

So how does your school do science? I had Biology freshman year, and then Chemistry 1 sophomore year. After that I could have taken Physics, but I choose to do AP Biology instead. This year, I didn't need a science, but a lot of friends were taking AP Chemistry so I followed suit.

I took Physics freshman, Biology sophomore, and now Honors Chemistry because I got a 99 on the Biology final.
post #23 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

I took Physics freshman, Biology sophomore, and now Honors Chemistry because I got a 99 on the Biology final.

Good job. What are you doing next year?
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #24 of 44
Probably AP Biology or AP Chemistry.
post #25 of 44
Fun stuff, I love Biology. It didn't hurt that it was a really easy class too.

Anyway, back on topic. Does anyone have anything else to add to the funny list? Or have we covered everything?
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #26 of 44
Might not be hilarious to anybody but myself, but I found this incredible.

A fucking LazyTown producer.
post #27 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

...A fucking LazyTown producer.

Thanks for clarifying. Definitely interesting, and that clip was really creepy.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #28 of 44
I personally love the show, even if it's scary as hell it's truly incredible stuff in terms of pure hilarity when viewed by people outside of its target audience.
post #29 of 44
I love this site.



or this

post #30 of 44
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, so he looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left testicle,3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy asks, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall. I weigh 350 pounds. I have a 20 inch private. My left testicle weighs 3 pounds. My right testicle weighs 3 pounds.

And my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown!... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn Around"
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post #31 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, so he looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left testicle,3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy asks, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall. I weigh 350 pounds. I have a 20 inch private. My left testicle weighs 3 pounds. My right testicle weighs 3 pounds.

And my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown!... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn Around"

That is amazing!
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #32 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by mydo

I love this site.

That site is for white trash and eighth graders.
post #33 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by turnwrite

Here are some Chuck Norris jokes, cuz I like them...

The Chuck Norris joke that cracks me up the most is the one that has him using a rattlesnake as a profilactic. I can't remember the details, but I do remember laughing.

Other than that, I'm not sure if many of the posters of this thread picked up on the "kick me in the jimmy" reference. It's hard to believe that Beavis and Butthead is pushing fifteen years. I think the movie came out before I had started taking AP Chemistry.

All this talk of AP Chemistry has reminded me of my AP Chem teacher, who appears to teach in upstate New York now. If any of you happen to go to this school, that would be a nice coincidence.
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post #34 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Placebo

Yesterday in American Literature I stated to the class that Frederick Douglass should be played by Samuel L. Jackson, and somebody blurted out "Snakes on a Plantation".

rofl I must tell my friends that

Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, so he looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left testicle,3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy asks, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall. I weigh 350 pounds. I have a 20 inch private. My left testicle weighs 3 pounds. My right testicle weighs 3 pounds.

And my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown!... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn Around"

omg, thats fucking AWESOME!


Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

That's amazing. That reminds me of a couple of days ago in Chemistry one of my friends was trying to explain the signifigance of the charges in an ionic compound. This kid is smart and he said one of the dumbest things that I have ever heard. "8 is a number that 5 and 3 have in common." It was hilarious.

we just had a test on that crap, LOL though, I should tell the chem class about that sh*t hahahahahahhaha
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post #35 of 44


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #36 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous




post #37 of 44
post #38 of 44
Hahaha! That's awesome.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #39 of 44
[ignore this]
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post #40 of 44

Actually it's money = √(All Evil)

so women = evil

still a good one though

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