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Man Laws...

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Some of you guys on here are pretty creative, so I want to start a Man Law thread. Here's a couple to start you guys out:

Man Laws

No Man Shall Ever Wear A Pair Of Shorts Higher Than The Mid-Section Of The Thigh, Unless Attending A Match Of Rugby.

Girls With Boyfriends Shall Never Be Offered A Free Beer.

Man Shall Never Call A Woman "Sugarcakes" Unless That Is Her Stage Name.


Have at it.
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #2 of 24
Rigght... let's perpetuate outdated gender roles...

I'd rather write "gentleman" laws.

No gentleman shall ever ask a lady to "go get me a beer".
No gentleman shall ever fail to clean up his own mess.
By decree, any gentleman shall not hesitate to use the phrases "Please" "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" whenever appropriate.
post #3 of 24
Thread Starter 
:::sigh:::

Thread killer...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #4 of 24
No gentleman should ever force his defeated opponent's second to clean the blood from his doublet and hose after a successful duel.
post #5 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood

No Man Shall Ever Wear A Pair Of Shorts Higher Than The Mid-Section Of The Thigh

What if you're a never-nude?
post #6 of 24
Dude I'm a (straight) man and all i wear to the beach/pool are speedos...

Of course I live in a place where you won't get dragged behind a truck for doing so...
post #7 of 24
No man should ever utter a sentence that includes the word 'pedicure'.

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats" - H L Mencken
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"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats" - H L Mencken
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post #8 of 24
...except when the adjective proceeding it is "fucking".
post #9 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonton

Dude I'm a (straight) man and all i wear to the beach/pool are speedos...

Of course I live in a place where you won't get dragged behind a truck for doing so...

For those who are confused, these are taken from a series of Miller Lite ads with Burt Reynolds. If Miller and its Lite weren't the worst beers in the US mainstream market, I might be more eager to appreciate the ads. I've found that I pretty much disagree with all of the "man laws" they've presented so far, but the ad format definitely has potential.

With that said, it's a shame that speedos are such taboo in the US. If you actually plan on swimming, they cannot be beat. I even have some shorts that go past mid thigh that I take flak for wearing. I don't know whether blanket obesity or rampant homophobia is to blame. It's like every man in the USA is ashamed of being a man.
Cat: the other white meat
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Cat: the other white meat
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post #10 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by gregmightdothat

What if you're a never-nude?

Then you screw Michael's twin sister and get over it...
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45 2a3 300b 211 845 833
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post #11 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood

Some of you guys on here are pretty creative, so I want to start a Man Law thread. Here's a couple to start you guys out:

Man Laws

No Man Shall Ever Wear A Pair Of Shorts Higher Than The Mid-Section Of The Thigh, Unless Attending A Match Of Rugby.

Girls With Boyfriends Shall Never Be Offered A Free Beer.

Man Shall Never Call A Woman "Sugarcakes" Unless That Is Her Stage Name.


Have at it.


About changing the thread name to Adolescent Laws? \
There's no there there. But, I'm working on it.
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There's no there there. But, I'm working on it.
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post #12 of 24
Thread Starter 
How about just passing over the thread next time?
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonton

Rigght... let's perpetuate outdated gender roles...

I'd rather write "gentleman" laws.

No gentleman shall ever ask a lady to "go get me a beer".
No gentleman shall ever fail to clean up his own mess.
By decree, any gentleman shall not hesitate to use the phrases "Please" "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" whenever appropriate.

^
Pussification of America (from abroad).

 

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” 
-Sagan
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post #14 of 24
Woah, BR, those are really huge great 'Merican balls you've got.
post #15 of 24
Fluffing yourself for other guys. Adolescent.
There's no there there. But, I'm working on it.
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There's no there there. But, I'm working on it.
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post #16 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by e1618978

Then you screw Michael's twin sister and get over it...

Have you guys seen any of the third season? I will be getting my hands on it this weekend. I've only seen the first half. I miss Arrested Development. That was such good television.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

Have you guys seen any of the third season? I will be getting my hands on it this weekend. I've only seen the first half. I miss Arrested Development. That was such good television.

Hmmm...I was hoping he was mentioning Melrose Place.
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #18 of 24
Men shouldn't shave anything except for their faces, and even that's optional.
post #19 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

Have you guys seen any of the third season? I will be getting my hands on it this weekend. I've only seen the first half. I miss Arrested Development. That was such good television.

I'm watching it on G4 - they just finished the first season, but there are 5 shows per week so I am catching up pretty quick.
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post #20 of 24
Dude! What the heck. EVERY guy is given a copy of the Man Book when they are born. You know, the little book filled with exactly these sort of laws that, mysteriously, is invisible to women. Of course the first rule is: This book doesn't exist as far as women are concerned so STFU!. Oh crap! What did I do...

I've heard there is a Woman Book too and it is over 1000 pages with a supplementary DVD companion guide. But I've never seen it.

horrid misuse of cool technology
SSBA.COM
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horrid misuse of cool technology
SSBA.COM
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post #21 of 24
I'd say play your game, not someone elses.

I'm single again, so that means I mingle when I get the chance (usually with the other law students, who, being law students, I find it hard not be attracted to). But from my angle, if I see a girl that I'm interested in getting a lot of attention from other guys, my game isn't to join that group. My game isn't the alpha-male, compete for attention at all times thing because I'm not very comfortable with that. If anything, I'm more laid-back. I just wait for the right time to get her more one-on-one and try to charm her somehow without worrying about where the conversation is going.

And as a side note, it's much easier to charm the pants off a girl when the alpha-males already bought rounds of shots for her.

Thanks, guys.
post #22 of 24
* "Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
* "His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
* "I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury."
* "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
* "He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
* "He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!"
* "The story of Johnny Appleseed is based on Brasky... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men."
* "He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
* "He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
* "He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
* "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle."
* "I remember one time, Brasky took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and Brasky got splashed. So Brasky yells, 'I'm Bill Brasky and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if Brasky didn't step in there and finish the show."
* "We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
* "Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
* "Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
* "If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
* "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
* "He breastfeeds John Madden!"
* "He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
* "He slept with all of our wives, punched us in the face, and we loved him for it."
* "He sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
Mac user since before you were born.
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Mac user since before you were born.
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post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by maimezvous

Have you guys seen any of the third season? I will be getting my hands on it this weekend. I've only seen the first half. I miss Arrested Development. That was such good television.

Oh man... the season 3 finale (I guess the series finale ) is probably one of my favorite episodes ever. That and the episodes with the guy that helped George Sr. teach lessons.
post #24 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by gregmightdothat

Oh man... the season 3 finale (I guess the series finale ) is probably one of my favorite episodes ever. That and the episodes with the guy that helped George Sr. teach lessons.

I just received it today. I can't wait to watch it. I love the episodes with the british girl. So far, those are some of my favorites.
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" ~ Vroomfondel
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