Next month, at next month's MacWorld, Steve Jobs will introduce the brand new Apple-branded phone, not the iPhone has been predicted, but the psiPhone. It will not be a cell phone at all, but will instead use psychic energy to provide communication between users. Jobs will reveal that Apple purchased the Psychic Friends Network in the late 90's because they realized the untapped potential of psychic energy. In a side note, Jobs will also reveal the phone is based on technology obtained from the Roswell, NM UFO crash.
The phone itself will be powered by the owner's chi/qi. It will only be available through Apple retail locations as it requires a 30-minute activation phase where the phone is attuned to the purchaser. Many people will view this "activation" as another form of DRM. The phone will sport features such as "Advanced Call Forwarding" where the phone will sense the users desire to contact a particular person and make the connection before the user actively directs the phone to do so.
In his obligatory "One more thing" moment, Steve Jobs will remove his head and reveal himself to be the last survivor of the Roswell aliens. Immediately following this shocking revelation, the audience's memory will be wiped by the U.S. government's Orbital Mind Control Laser (euphemistically referred to as the Hubble Space Telescope). The memories of the psiPhone and Jobs' true alien nature will be replaced with a bland recollection of a widescreen video iPod and iTV products.