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is it illegal to send human shit thru the mail?

post #1 of 44
7/1/07 at 5:50pm
Thread Starter 
i want to send someone a present
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post #2 of 44
7/1/07 at 7:47pm
I can't say i know for sure, but I would have imagine it yes. You would not only be putting the person you're sending it to at risk, but you'd be exposing who knows how many postal workers or other people to your bacteria laden shit if it got out of its packaging.

I would strongly advise against it. In fact, I'd go as far as to say don't be a dumb shit!
A good brain ain't diddly if you don't have the facts
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A good brain ain't diddly if you don't have the facts
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post #3 of 44
7/1/07 at 8:11pm
Well said.

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GOA

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Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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post #4 of 44
7/1/07 at 8:31pm
Think of the children.
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post #5 of 44
7/1/07 at 8:36pm
Sure as long as no body finds out about it...
"In a republic, voters may vote for the leaders they want, but they get the leaders they deserve."
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"In a republic, voters may vote for the leaders they want, but they get the leaders they deserve."
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post #6 of 44
7/1/07 at 9:09pm
Ditto Flouder's response, but I will add:

If this is the kind of present you are considering sending, you might also consider counseling.

 

Your = the possessive of you, as in, "Your name is Tom, right?" or "What is your name?"

 

You're = a contraction of YOU + ARE as in, "You are right" --> "You're right."

 

 

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Your = the possessive of you, as in, "Your name is Tom, right?" or "What is your name?"

 

You're = a contraction of YOU + ARE as in, "You are right" --> "You're right."

 

 

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post #7 of 44
7/1/07 at 9:36pm
I actually "laughed out loud" when I read the title of this thread. My advice: use an envelope with a very good seal (to "seal in the goodness"), and don't include a return address.
Cat: the other white meat
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Cat: the other white meat
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post #8 of 44
7/1/07 at 10:00pm
I'd advise taking a class in personal networking or expressing yourself instead of becoming a budding unibomber. YOU...NEED...TO...GET...OUT...OF...THE...HOUSE.

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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post #9 of 44
7/2/07 at 5:38am
You should be more creative. Make one of those cards where if you open it, it squirts something in your face but fill it with pee and then have a picture of a guy inside with a pop-up.

Yeah, I shouldn't encourage you but what the hell, some people deserve it.
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post #10 of 44
7/2/07 at 12:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by burningwheel View Post

i want to send someone a present

Aw, come on. The Zune isn't that bad is it?
Living life in glorious 4G HD (with a 2GB data cap).
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Living life in glorious 4G HD (with a 2GB data cap).
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post #11 of 44
7/2/07 at 1:02pm
If its not a crime, it certainly should be. Don't put all the mailmen and femailmen through that shit.

Put your shit in a brown baggie, light it, and run away after hitting the doorbell, like the rest of us.
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post #12 of 44
7/2/07 at 1:37pm


I cannot BELIEVE this thread! Kudos!

In all seriousness, I think it is completely illegal. And I think you will be caught. Oh, and I think you'll get nailed with some kind of federal rap too...seriously. "Using US Postal Service for Bioterrorism." No worries though, I will come visit you in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.
To save time, assume I know everything.
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To save time, assume I know everything.
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post #13 of 44
7/2/07 at 2:07pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SDW2001 View Post



I cannot BELIEVE this thread! Kudos!

In all seriousness, I think it is completely illegal. And I think you will be caught. Oh, and I think you'll get nailed with some kind of federal rap too...seriously. "Using US Postal Service for Bioterrorism." No worries though, I will come visit you in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.



i don't even have this person's address. i would probably chicken out anyways. if i were to do it, i'd use dog shit (i don't want my dna involved), no return address (obvously).

well i guess Sharon Osborne does this. she has her kids shit in a box and sends it to media people who deserve it

i'm just going to stick to email him a nasty note, i can't waste much more time than that on this scum
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post #14 of 44
7/2/07 at 2:14pm
There's an interesting story here. Spill it.
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post #15 of 44
7/2/07 at 3:22pm
A friend of mine had a problem with some freak sending her plastic bags full of semen. Off topic.
"some catch on faster than others"
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"some catch on faster than others"
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post #16 of 44
7/2/07 at 3:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by southside grabowski View Post

A friend of mine had a problem with some freak sending her plastic bags full of semen. Off topic.

Those were gifts. \
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post #17 of 44
7/3/07 at 2:11pm
Do Not Lick The Envelope!
"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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"Many people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." - Bertrand Russell
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post #18 of 44
7/3/07 at 2:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Outsider View Post

There's an interesting story here. Spill it.


Agreed. I want to hear this story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by burningwheel View Post



i don't even have this person's address. i would probably chicken out anyways. if i were to do it, i'd use dog shit (i don't want my dna involved), no return address (obvously).

well i guess Sharon Osborne does this. she has her kids shit in a box and sends it to media people who deserve it

i'm just going to stick to email him a nasty note, i can't waste much more time than that on this scum

You can do better. One thing I always wanted to do is blow up someone's mailbox, tape it, and send them the tape in their new mailbox.
To save time, assume I know everything.
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To save time, assume I know everything.
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post #19 of 44
7/3/07 at 3:09pm
Most insane thread in a long time.

Quote:
What The Hell Is In The Mail?

I often get crap in the mail. But when I say that, I am usually referring to bogus credit offers and useless get rich schemes. What I was unaware of was the fact that you can really send crap through the United States Postal Service!
James Greg (His name has been changed to protect his anus) has a condition which makes monitoring his stools a necessity. At his doctor’s behest, he carefully and lovingly wrapped his sample in a pouch, which he then placed into a specially marked packet and popped in the outgoing mail slot for a “correspondence technician” to pick up. (You can’t say Mailman anymore – that’s not PC – but I digress)

This was not a hermetically sealed container – Oh, no. Think of an overnight envelope, only smaller. Suddenly, Fed Ex sounds more like "Freaking Disgusting"! Imagine the commercial for that service - pan to a young man, trying to beat the 8 am delivery deadline as he rushes up the stairs of an 80-floor skyscraper (he hits every stair up to the 79th floor and then collapses, with crap all over his face. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'What can brown do for you today,' doesn’t it?) then the kicker, the logo that the jingle performers wail with gusto..
'We Take Your Sh*it!'

There aren’t enough stamps in the world to convince me to touch that feces-ridden biohazard.
Now, according to "The Law" sending feces through the mail is legal if it’s for medical or veterinarian purposes. Sending postal poo to your ex because he cheated on you with his secretary who looks suspiciously like a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader will get ya sent to the slammer. What happens if you send a dog-bomb through the mail? The law says you can send FiFi Feces to the vet, right? So what if the package gets accidentally mislabeled and, instead, goes to your witch-face mother-in-law in Dubuque? Have any doubt that’d get you banned from family outings for the life-span of your marriage?

So, some poopholes, I mean, LOOP holes are meant to be exploited. What’s next, Urine-Grams?
"Stand Up for Chuck"
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"Stand Up for Chuck"
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post #20 of 44
7/3/07 at 4:57pm
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
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post #21 of 44
7/3/07 at 5:14pm
So... You're saying revenge is best served with a canister of liquid nitrogen thrown into someone's face? That is... harsh.
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post #22 of 44
7/3/07 at 5:49pm
Psh. That wouldn't do shit -- the rate of heat transfer from LN to skin is slower than the rate of boil off...

Liquid helium is another story...
"In a republic, voters may vote for the leaders they want, but they get the leaders they deserve."
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"In a republic, voters may vote for the leaders they want, but they get the leaders they deserve."
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post #23 of 44
7/3/07 at 6:04pm
http://pe.usps.gov/text/pub52/pub52d.html#vnameref_1

In other words, you shouldn't.
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post #24 of 44
7/3/07 at 6:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by burningwheel View Post

is it illegal to send human shit thru the mail?



What do you think?
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post #25 of 44
7/3/07 at 6:58pm
Sorry.

http://pe.usps.gov/text/pub52/pub52c4_005.html#NL508_38

Assuming that it stinks. But if you can contain it in a way that it doesn't there is nothing else in the restriced materials section that I could find that would make it illegal.
Serving humanity one sarcastic comment at a time.
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Serving humanity one sarcastic comment at a time.
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post #26 of 44
7/3/07 at 8:25pm
Just eat lots of fiber and you should be good to go...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #27 of 44
7/3/07 at 8:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by thuh Freak View Post

Those were gifts. \

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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post #28 of 44
7/3/07 at 9:00pm
If you need to have a stool sample analyzed by a lab, it must be placed in an airtight container... so, basically, yes you can send it through the mail... with restrictions.

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

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post #29 of 44
7/4/07 at 6:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpamSandwich View Post

If you need to have a stool sample analyzed by a lab, it must be placed in an airtight container... so, basically, yes you can send it through the mail... with restrictions.

Hmm...does a ziploc bag count as that container?
To save time, assume I know everything.
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To save time, assume I know everything.
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post #30 of 44
7/4/07 at 9:35am
Null.
Þ & þ are called "Thorn" & þey represent þe sound you've associated "th" wiþ since þe 13þ or 14þ century. I'm bringing it back.
<(=_=)> (>=_=)> <(=_=<) ^(=_=^) (^=_=)^ ^(=_=)^ +(=_=)+
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Þ & þ are called "Thorn" & þey represent þe sound you've associated "th" wiþ since þe 13þ or 14þ century. I'm bringing it back.
<(=_=)> (>=_=)> <(=_=<) ^(=_=^) (^=_=)^ ^(=_=)^ +(=_=)+
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post #31 of 44
7/6/07 at 10:09pm
Get this guy to do it for you...

http://www.dollarhotdogs.com/
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post #32 of 44
7/7/07 at 2:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by thuh Freak View Post

If its not a crime, it certainly should be. Don't put all the ... femailmen through that shit.

Put your shit in a brown baggie, light it, and run away after hitting the doorbell, like the rest of us.

I syre hope there are no USPS workers on this forum. The Apple demographics amke it unlikely, but if there are any pray they're not hackers. Otherside you may be seeing some shit in your mailbox...


Quote:
Originally Posted by southside grabowski View Post

A friend of mine had a problem with some freak sending her plastic bags full of semen. Off topic.


A new ad for UPS: "Do you want your semen delivered by She-men, or the he-men in brown?."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wojciechowski View Post

Get this guy to do it for you...

http://www.dollarhotdogs.com/

Re the story on the left margin of the above website (on the Nathans hotdog eating contest at Coney Islan) Did ESPN edit out the "reversal"?
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post #33 of 44
7/7/07 at 11:39pm
I'd pay to see the look on the deliveryman's face after picking up that warm parcel.
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post #34 of 44
9/6/07 at 2:22pm
Nothing constructive here.

This thread deserves to be on top of the forum again.

Is there any follow-up on this situation? It's been a couple months now...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
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post #35 of 44
9/6/07 at 8:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slewis View Post

(if you're really that determined to send human shit through the mail... I hear Windows 95 was created by humans... I think...)

Sebastian

Wow, I just read this, and all I can say is:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood View Post

This thread deserves to be on top of the forum again.

Yes it does.
Serving humanity one sarcastic comment at a time.
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Serving humanity one sarcastic comment at a time.
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post #36 of 44
9/11/07 at 6:47pm
Actually I was considering this for a certain Nigerian fellow who won my phone on ebay and of course never paid...
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post #37 of 44
9/11/07 at 7:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrtotes View Post

Actually I was considering this for a certain Nigerian fellow who won my phone on ebay and of course never paid...

Sorry about that, but of course the best Nigerian scams are the ones where they offer to buy your car that is advertised (wherever) for $3,000-$10,000 more than it's worth. After their "cashiers check" clears your account, you're supposed send a portion of the
overpayment to a third party. Of course, after about 30 days you find out that the check actually didn't clear....it just took the bank 30 days to find this out. So now you're out the third party money....and your car. Niiice!
To save time, assume I know everything.
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To save time, assume I know everything.
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post #38 of 44
12/10/07 at 12:22pm
It is legal as long as it is packaged properly.

Go to ups.com or usps.com to view how to package it correctly as long as you do not send it out of the united states.

If you want to send someone shit without doing it yourself you can go to http://www.bullshipped.com and they seal it properly and send it anonymously. (though I believe it is manure NOT human shit) either way would make a great gag.
I like the cards they send with the crap too.
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post #39 of 44
12/10/07 at 12:52pm


But don't squeal on me after you get renditioned, water-boarded, denied legal council and left to rot.
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post #40 of 44
12/11/07 at 5:28am
I love the Internet.
proud resident of a failed state
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proud resident of a failed state
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