or Connect
AppleInsider › Forums › Other Discussion › AppleOutsider › online "dating"
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

online "dating"

post #1 of 32
Thread Starter 
is this dating thing a hoax? I am a paying member of 2 of the largest sites for over a week, contacted every person that was even remotely compatible and even a couple that were opposite but interesting and I have heard NOTHING...what gives? are all of the ladies' profiles on these sites hoaxes or something? is this common? does this online dating stuff really even work?

I live in a new city now and well, the bars suck...I would say all bars outside of the immediate area of a top 25 university suck...and what about the folks who dont like bars in general, but also don't go to church?

Where does one find someone to date?
You can't quantify how much I don't care -- Bob Kevoian of the Bob and Tom Show.
Reply
You can't quantify how much I don't care -- Bob Kevoian of the Bob and Tom Show.
Reply
post #2 of 32
I live within pissing distance of a major university, certainly top 25 in some aspect or another (and the largest area-wise in the world, they say), and the bars still suck. The bars in the tiny Florida town I lived in previously were much better. Go figure.

To answer your question, I've never used a singles site or known anyone who admits to having success with one. I doubt they're hoaxes, but at the end of the day you have to point to the fact that something like 40% of men get some, and 80% of women get some.

The other 60% are on AppleInsider.

There are birds everywhere. Usually you have to make the move, though. When I hear about people who have problems meeting the opposite sex I feel like they either (a) don't actually care (b) are somehow repulsive or (c) are not trying hard enough. A and B don't usually complain so much about it, so I assume you're C. So, um, take command? There's always the mail-order bride.
Cat: the other white meat
Reply
Cat: the other white meat
Reply
post #3 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splinemodel View Post

The other 60% are on AppleInsider.

...
post #4 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splinemodel View Post

IUsually you have to make the move, though.

Nope, human courtship is a 10 step process, and it is entirely controlled by women. Women pick out their mate, all you have to do as a man is notice when you are being courted and dilate your eyes at the right time. Dilating your eyes indicates that you are attracted to her, besides that it is out of your hands.

Some biologists figured it all out - and I think that there is a discovery channel special that shows the entire 10 step process at work. It goes something like this:

1. The woman catches the man's eye from across the room
2. The woman walks past the man, and figures out based partially on smell weather she is interested or not.
I think that this step was called "The strut".
3. She fiddles with her hair
4. Maybe there was a nervous laugh, or tilting of her head or something

I forget the other steps, but evidently all 10 things almost always happen in order, and even incredibly hot women who deliberately fail to do any of the steps are never approached by men.

I thought it was very cool when I found it out, I just wish that I could dilate by eyes on command - because that would
get my wife off my back.
45 2a3 300b 211 845 833
Reply
45 2a3 300b 211 845 833
Reply
post #5 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by e1618978 View Post

Nope, human courtship is a 10 step process . .

I don't doubt this, but I suppose I've never taken notice. I shall also mention that this article's conclusion indirectly supports the shotgun approach for men that don't tend to take notice. I have a hard enough time watching for rings. I've heard this one before (always funny): What! How do you know she's married? Are you psychic?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShawnJ View Post

...

Well I'm laughing at myself, too. A fantastic defense mechanism.
Cat: the other white meat
Reply
Cat: the other white meat
Reply
post #6 of 32
Meeting women at work is one way. Try to be charismatic and funny. Women love that. Another thing is to get a wide network of friends at work; go to their parties or the bars they hang out with each other on Thursday night. At my work there's always a big group of people that hit the scene. Meet their friends and you should be able to find some people. The main thing is to put yourself out there, be yourself, and flirt like a mofo.
post #7 of 32
Oh and don't worry about not being a church-goer. Most of the women you'd meet there are uptight bitches. You'll meet a better woman doing volunteer work for a worthy cause.
post #8 of 32
You can watch Pick Up Artist on VH1 for tips...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
post #9 of 32
Funny this topic should come up. I was trying to find people interested in hiking on craigslist, when someone replied with a link to her profile on a single's site. I went there and was totally turned off by the site itself. I looked at a few others -- same thing, bad news. But wait there's more.

Somehow I found okcupid.com. I'd like to get some other opinions on this site, but I think it is great, and not just for dating. First off, it is totally free. It's my impression it was started by a group of University Psychologists who want to do research. No kidding, that's the best answer I have come up with. The battery of tests is awesome, and they do not cater to just singles, like the others. You chose what you are interested in and it includes looking for: pen pals, activities, dates, casual sex (no one here would be interested in that of course) and more. You state whether you are single, married or seeing someone, which must mean a relationship.

I'm doing it to determine my psychological profile. I'm trying to interest my wife into taking the tests too, and then we can see if we are a good match. I won't say what my user name is, so I can keep on being a little mystery here on AI.

post #10 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Outsider View Post


Oh and don't worry about not being a church-goer. Most of the women you'd meet there are uptight bitches. You'll meet a better woman doing volunteer work for a worthy cause.


Just my experience, but when I was single I found that church singles groups were a great way to meet women. I might have met one or two that were up tight, but that was the rare exception. It might depend on the church too. I visited about five different groups, and picked the two best to go to on a regular basis.

These were well organized and had frequent activities, including a trip to a resort community, renting one house for the guys and another for the women. We often played volley ball or badminton, and there were social times. Some of these big churches go all out. I'd say it is worth a try, with nothing to lose, except possibly your bachelorhood.

post #11 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by a_greer View Post

is this dating thing a hoax? I am a paying member of 2 of the largest sites for over a week, contacted every person that was even remotely compatible and even a couple that were opposite but interesting and I have heard NOTHING...what gives? are all of the ladies' profiles on these sites hoaxes or something? is this common? does this online dating stuff really even work?

I live in a new city now and well, the bars suck...I would say all bars outside of the immediate area of a top 25 university suck...and what about the folks who dont like bars in general, but also don't go to church?

Where does one find someone to date?

Never used one but watched a couple female roomates do so. So they aren't all frauds but the rejection rate is rather high...at least for them. (Sample set of 2 is hardly useful but whatever). Lemme think...I think they used PennySaver or something similar and something else inexpensive. Not one of the big names like eHarmony.

I would guess it takes longer than a week for any results. If you don't have a good profile and pic you're not likely to get a callback or whatever its called.

The local jaycees (junior chamber of commerce) were a meat market. Split between the real volunteer folks in the front of the meeting and the party folks in the back with the keg.

Personally, I've always found just finding groups that do what you enjoy helps you meet people and women. Assuming that what you enjoy aren't solitary or male dominated activities anyway.

I saw the premier of pickup artist on VH1 on a flight...it was hilarious but never bothered to tune in.
post #12 of 32
I have plenty of experience using online social sites and dating sites. Although I didn't meet my current girlfriend this way (we met at a party), I have met several ladies via AsiaFriendFinder and especially on AdultFriendFinder. Don't be put off by AdultFriendFinder. Even though it's a sex dating site, there are plenty of ladies looking for something long-term, and who would be loyal once you start something with them.

If you're a player and look attractive, it's possible to meet lots of ladies of various quality by being forward and saying you want sex. but don't expect to find a relationship this way. If you're looking for a relationship, the trick is that even though it's a sex site, you need to be a gentleman. Dont' talk about sex, even though everybody else is. You'll never meet anyone through email. You need to go into the chat rooms and meet people that way. Establish a reputation in your chosen chatroom as a gentleman, and you'll definitely spark some interest.

Once you get a "friend" in the chatroom, it's time to change venue and chat via IM. AOL, MSN, YIM, whatever. Then you chat for a few weeks, and when it feels right you ask them for a coffee. Don't even bother with something long-distance. Find someone who livesin your area.

Always be a gentleman. Don't try to be "macho" if you want something long-term.

I've also had success meeting women on Friendster and FaceBook. Just be nice and be sincere.

If you're handsome, you can be more forward about sex.

Also, younger men tend to have more success with women who are slightly older than they are, or with women who aren't supermodels. Face it. If a woman is even half-way attractive, and looking for something serious, she won't be on a dating site unless she has no social skills whatsoever (and attractive women usually do have social skills). Don't expect to meet the hottest chick on the site. They get literally dozens of emails a day, and they can pick and choose. Unless you're one out of a hundred in terms of quality, they won't choose you. But just like the women, if you're one out of a hundred, you probably won't be on the site either.

Ok. I'll fess up. I've had sex with four women I met on AFF. Another four or five wanted sex with me but I wasn't interested or I didn't have time. There are another five I could chase if I wanted (and if I wasn't already in a great relationship). Another five or so have become good friends, and we chat frequently on MSN. I'm not the most handsome guy in the world, or even in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong I'm on the bottom of the food chain in terms of financial position. But I still manage success in these sites, with very sincere, sweet, relatively attractive women.

It's all about attitude, confidence, gentlemanly behavior, good sense of humor and sincerity. Once you're doing fine with those, you'll start seeing some success.
post #13 of 32
A_greer,

I don't think they're all fake, but many of them simply don't respond to say "sorry not interested." I had a similar experience. It can swing the other way to. Back in June, I sent three people messages and wound up meeting each of them the same week. They all sucked but that's another story. Of the five people I met, I was only interested in one, who I got a second date with, but she wasn't interested in me in the end.

As a general warning, beware of women whose photos are only headshots and that describe their body type as "about average"

This is apparently code for, "I'm about average in the sense that the average american could probably stand to loose 30 or 40 pounds."
A good brain ain't diddly if you don't have the facts
Reply
A good brain ain't diddly if you don't have the facts
Reply
post #14 of 32
It's nice to be young enough to enjoy the site of a pretty woman, but old enough to have no interest in meeting her.
"some catch on faster than others"
Reply
"some catch on faster than others"
Reply
post #15 of 32
I tried a dating site some time ago briefly, didn't get anything going at that time. It has worked pretty well for at least two of my friends. There's no "compatibility test" and basic text-only usage is free. It's for my country only.

It's not impossible to find "quality" folk on a dating site. Sure they can find some company easily by other ways, but they're going to be swamped by people they aren't interested in, long or even short term. On the net it's comparatively easy to look for people with common interests and some aspects of character. The person displaying huge social intelligence and confidence in the bar scene (the classic "player" characteristics) doesn't necessarily have great intelligence or self-esteem outside it, and vice versa.

I've been intending to try again. With my job and hobbies, I really never bump into women by accident. I have to go out and look for them specifically.
post #16 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonton View Post

It's all about attitude, confidence, gentlemanly behavior, good sense of humor and sincerity. Once you're doing fine with those, you'll start seeing some success.

I like where your heart's at...

But let's be honest, you only need the first two characteristics to see success.
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
post #17 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by a_greer View Post

is this dating thing a hoax? I am a paying member of 2 of the largest sites for over a week, contacted every person that was even remotely compatible and even a couple that were opposite but interesting and I have heard NOTHING...what gives? are all of the ladies' profiles on these sites hoaxes or something? is this common? does this online dating stuff really even work?...Where does one find someone to date?

It works, but don't be surprised if women on these sites don't respond. Most women get bombarded with literally thousands amd thousands of replies and matches and just don't have the time or want to respond to each one personally. I knew two girls, one that was not the hottest ember in the firepit and posted unflattering pics, who tried these sites and were amazed at the response they got just because their naughty bits weren't the same as men's.

If you are sincere, you will eventually catch the eye of a woman who rifles through all the bull. Just don't dream too much that a profile is perfect and disappointed when the person behind it ignores your pitch.
post #18 of 32
One thing is that you need to be careful. There are a lot of commitmentphobic people and people suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) on sites like this. Basically NPD sufferers are the type of people who will take your heart and use it for as long as they see fit then throw it on the ground and stomp on it a few times for no other reason than because it makes them feel good. Repeat and rinse. Once you get yelled at for something completely unrelated to you ("It's raining and I can't find a taxi! You're a f*cking selfish assh*le!") run fast and run far. And don't look back.
post #19 of 32
It's a lamentation of modern society that what was once simply a "bitch" has been legitimized and even victimized. . . . NPD they say. . .
Cat: the other white meat
Reply
Cat: the other white meat
Reply
post #20 of 32
www.themysterymethod.com
www.stylelife.com (go to the forums)

Get Neill Strauss' book "The Game"
(it's an AWESOME and hilarious autobiography by one of the worlds top Pickup Artists)

Get "The Mystery Method" by Mystery

Learn up on some NLP:

Search for "Derren Brown" on youtube and wikipedia NLP

Get girls anywhere with super Pickup artist techniques and control their minds with NLP!

have fun
post #21 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by a_greer View Post

Where does one find someone to date?


I never had any luck with online dating services / matchmaker services. Then I prayed about it. Not too long later I spoke some self-fulfilling prophecy when I told a friend of mine one night out at the bar (yes I used to go to the bars) that I was going to meet my future wife at Fellowship Church. I was led to join a small group and I met very good friends and got to fellowship and study the word of God. We had social get togethers and out of the blue I meet Heather. We dated for a while and one day I let her know my thoughts about her more strongly when I left her a little package at her apartment which included a very personal homemade card and a CD of music. I was not sure at the time if I did the right thing thinking.... "oh my did I over do it?" You see there were other guys that would give Heather attention in our Church circle of friends. She did not date them but she had socialized with them a bit in the past. Later on she told me that when considering who to date she had prayed a prayer asking for the "right one" to do something bold. She tells me that my care package left at her apartment was her signal.

We are now married and have our wonderful son Oliver

I really believe in "resting in the Lord" and trusting in the Lord.

Allow yourself to be just who you are and have complete trust that you will be matched with that perfect one.

Ohh as a side note... one I will never forget... The first time I walked into Heather's apartment it was decorated with black and white prints of Paris France. She had the French touch all throughout her apartment. Not too long before meeting Heather I had come back from my first trip to Paris France and my first thought when I saw this influence in her Apartment I felt a strong feeling that God was leaving fingerprints and signs over his "bringing us together". The funny thing is now as I look back it had everything to do with God.... God can direct your steps if you yield to Him. Prayer is powerful....

I constantly thank God for Heather and our son Oliver. I consider myself extremely Blessed...

I wish you only God's Best for your journey.

God Bless!
May the peace of the Lord be with you always

Share your smile, Have respect for others, and be loving to all peoples

Paul in Athens: Acts 17 : 16-34
Reply
May the peace of the Lord be with you always

Share your smile, Have respect for others, and be loving to all peoples

Paul in Athens: Acts 17 : 16-34
Reply
post #22 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood View Post

You can watch Pick Up Artist on VH1 for tips...

Oh god,
Why do so many Sys Admins hate the Mac? . A q u a M a c .
Reply
Why do so many Sys Admins hate the Mac? . A q u a M a c .
Reply
post #23 of 32
For me it's very easy to meet girls online, whether I'm looking for friendship, something long-term or just a ONS. But it's next to impossible to pick someone up immediately. It's something that can take weeks or months of patient chatting.

I've also had a little success in bars, but I absolutely hate going to a bar with the intent to pick someone up. My success rate is pretty low, and I feel like a loser if I end up going home drunk and alone after a night where I wanted to pick someone up. I also feel like a loser if I'm successful, as I feel guilty, and I'm also less likely to continue a relationship with someone I meet this way.

But now it's all moot for me since I've found my right one. We met at a party, by the way. Got her phone number that night, and called her for a movie the next week (horror movie - it's a great excuse to take someone home because she's "too scared").
post #24 of 32
Haha... online dating.

Yeah, ok, keep trying. =P
[CENTER]Totally Out of Date
PowerMac G4 (MDD)
Mac OS X 10.2.8 Jaguar
Most Applications run on "Classic"[/CENTER]
Reply
[CENTER]Totally Out of Date
PowerMac G4 (MDD)
Mac OS X 10.2.8 Jaguar
Most Applications run on "Classic"[/CENTER]
Reply
post #25 of 32
Brian Dorsey wondered if complete strangers would have lunch together. So he started a grand social experiment...

Quote:
in Seattle with Noonhat.com.

At Noonhat, you plug in your e-mail address, what day you'd like to have lunch and what general area, then a computer program matches you with one to three other random human beings who want to lunch.

At first, Dorsey, a software developer at Vulcan, had doubts. When he told people about the Web site, he said, "I got a lot of blank stares. 'What? Huh? Why would anyone do that?' "
Turns out people do want to break bread with total strangers. Since Noonhat was launched in June, more than 400 lunches have been scheduled (although Dorsey doesn't know how many have actually happened).

So the site may be a sort of anti-freeze -- a sentinel in the battle against the so-called Seattle freeze, that is, our tendency to be polite but not gushy warm to those we've just met.

"I was just kind of thinking that I wanted to have lunch with new people all the time," said Dorsey, who is 33. "Just from a selfish standpoint, I wanted to have lunch with a really wide variety of people."

Noonhat offers its service all over North America, but most of the users so far are in the Seattle metro area. Dorsey also thinks the site is a good way for out-of-town visitors to meet up with locals.

I haven't tried this myself, but wait and see...it may be the next big thing. ...and it's free...
post #26 of 32
Nice tonton!

Don't screw this one up.

(Knocks on wood...)

P.S. Good job on the call a week after you got her phone number. That takes you out of creep status and makes her believe you have actually have a life...
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
post #27 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by vinea View Post

I saw the premier of pickup artist on VH1 on a flight...it was hilarious but never bothered to tune in.

Although the geek on that show is a bit of a slime, it worked for one of my relatives. He's now engaged to the woman he met.

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

Reply

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

Reply
post #28 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonton View Post

Ok. I'll fess up. I've had sex with four women I met on AFF. Another four or five wanted sex with me but I wasn't interested or I didn't have time. There are another five I could chase if I wanted (and if I wasn't already in a great relationship). Another five or so have become good friends, and we chat frequently on MSN. I'm not the most handsome guy in the world, or even in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong I'm on the bottom of the food chain in terms of financial position. But I still manage success in these sites, with very sincere, sweet, relatively attractive women.

I'd be very concerned about catching a communicable disease from one of these women. When's the last time you had an AIDS test?

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

Reply

Proud AAPL stock owner.

 

GOA

Reply
post #29 of 32
STD's are a myth.
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
"If I had played my career hitting singles like Pete (Rose), I'd wear a dress." - Mickey Mantle
Reply
post #30 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guybrush Threepwood View Post

STD's are a myth.

Not unless you use a condom on your dildo...

post #31 of 32
I realize i'm a little late in replying to this, but...


I met the woman who has come to be my wife on match.com. I wasn't even seeking her out as a date. I messaged her about some bands she'd listed as favorites of hers, and offered some suggestions for others she may enjoy. She asked me out on our first date, we dated for 5 years, and got married in May.

So I guess we count as one humble success story.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

I wish developing great products was as easy as writing a check. If that were the case, then Microsoft would...
Reply
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

I wish developing great products was as easy as writing a check. If that were the case, then Microsoft would...
Reply
post #32 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpamSandwich View Post

I'd be very concerned about catching a communicable disease from one of these women. When's the last time you had an AIDS test?

Had full blood work one year ago, after I had already met my fiancee. Haven't been with anyone but her since. I'm a good boy.

I'm very careful. I've always used a condom, and know how to use one correctly. And there are only a few minor STDs you can catch when you use a condom, namely HPV (genital warts) and crabs. You cannot catch AIDS when you use a condom correctly, unless it breaks or there's some other kind of unusual circumstance.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: AppleOutsider
AppleInsider › Forums › Other Discussion › AppleOutsider › online "dating"