Joke Thread...
Think of how condoms relate to these slogans.
Nike: Just do it.
Toyota: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Ford: The best never rest.
Chevy: Like a rock.
Dial: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto: Who's next?
Avis: Trying harder than ever.
KFC: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola: Always a Real Thing.
Lays: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup: Mmm, mm good.
Carl's Jr.: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...
General Electric: We bring good things to life!
AT&T: 'Reach out and touch someone.'
Bounty: The quicker picker upper.
Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?
Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....
M&Ms: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'
Chevron: use them? people do.
Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border
MCI: for friends and family
Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
Sears: One coat is good for the entire winter
Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are
United Airlines travel pack: Fly United
The Star Trek: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
Wendy: Where's the beef?
Denny's: $1.99 Grand Slam
Mazda: It Just Feels Right!
Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!
McDonalds: Over 99 billion served
Hewlett Packard: Expanding Possibilities
Burger King: Have it your way
Dairy Queen: We treat you right
AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1
Apple: insanely Great.
CONFIRMED!!! You have a dirty mind!
[ 01-11-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]</p>
Nike: Just do it.
Toyota: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Ford: The best never rest.
Chevy: Like a rock.
Dial: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto: Cause hey-- you never know.
California Lotto: Who's next?
Avis: Trying harder than ever.
KFC: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola: Always a Real Thing.
Lays: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup: Mmm, mm good.
Carl's Jr.: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...
General Electric: We bring good things to life!
AT&T: 'Reach out and touch someone.'
Bounty: The quicker picker upper.
Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?
Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....
M&Ms: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'
Chevron: use them? people do.
Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border
MCI: for friends and family
Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
Sears: One coat is good for the entire winter
Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are
United Airlines travel pack: Fly United
The Star Trek: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
Wendy: Where's the beef?
Denny's: $1.99 Grand Slam
Mazda: It Just Feels Right!
Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!
McDonalds: Over 99 billion served
Hewlett Packard: Expanding Possibilities
Burger King: Have it your way
Dairy Queen: We treat you right
AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1
Apple: insanely Great.
CONFIRMED!!! You have a dirty mind!
[ 01-11-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]</p>
Comments
Illinois Lottery: Players have more fun.
I should explain that it involves a wee bit o' personal interaction between yoursel' and your listener. It concerns the story o' the auld farmer and it goes thus...
Once upon there was an auld miserable git o' a farmer who had three sons. On his deathbed he summoned the eldest son first and says tae him "Son - I want ye tae have all the livestock and tractors".
Next he summons the second son and says "Son - I want ye tae have the farmhoose and a' the land".
Finally he summons the last son. "What have ye got left for me?" he asks. "Ye've given it a' tae my two brithers".
"Oh no I havnae exclaims the farmer - HERE'S TWO ACRES"
At this point, simultaneous wi' the delivery o' the punch line ye' hit yer listener hard in the auld gentiles thus givng him 'two achers'.
This is always guaranteed tae win freends and influence people, especially at parties.
(edited tae clear up possible cultural/linguistic ambiguity)
[ 01-14-2002: Message edited by: Sir Mac o' the Isles ]</p>
A Englishman was sitting with a Scotsman and a Welshman in Saudi Arabia.
They were sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden, Saudi
police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheik decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Welshman guy thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to
my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Englishman, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.
Before The Scotsman could say something, the Sheik turned to him and said:
"As you are from a great country, and your rugby teams and your rock bands are terrific, and your women gorgeous you can have two wishes!".
"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The Scotsman replies. "My
first wish is: " I would like to have 40 lashes."
"If you so desire", the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face,
"and your second wish?"
"Tie the Englishman to my back", the Scotsman answers.
[ 01-14-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]
[ 01-14-2002: Message edited by: Nostradamus ]</p>