STOP! Being a Nice Guy!
<a href="http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/northwestlife/134451146_niceguy09.html"; target="_blank">http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/northwestlife/134451146_niceguy09.html</a>;
[quote] A few of Glover's suggestions for recovering Nice Guys:
Start putting yourself first. "You've got to fill your own bucket up before you can pour anything out of it."
Spend time with male friends. "A lot of guys tell me they don't have male friends because their wives complain when they go out with the guys. I think it's essential for healthy relationships."
Learn to get in touch with your feelings with the guys. "We men do our feelings differently than women do, and that's OK."
Learn to set boundaries. "Nice Guys typically complain that people treat them badly, take advantage of them, hurt them," Glover says. "It's the ability to remove yourself from situations that feel bad."
Glover admits that he, too, is "a recovering Nice Guy." A turning point came for him several years ago. He was in the car with his wife, and he says she'd been crabby with him, a little abusive. He let his resentment stew for a couple of days before he confronted her about it.
"She said, 'You're right, I did treat you badly, but it was your job not to hang around me.' She said, 'It's your job to pull off the road, get out the cellphone and call me a cab, but do it with love. ... Don't pull over calling me names saying, You're this, you're that, I'm getting the hell out of here. Call a cab and say, Dear, I love you, but I'm calling you a cab because I can't be with you.'
"And now we have a term for that: We refer to it as 'calling a cab with love.' I use that with the guys I work with," Glover says.
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[quote] A few of Glover's suggestions for recovering Nice Guys:
Start putting yourself first. "You've got to fill your own bucket up before you can pour anything out of it."
Spend time with male friends. "A lot of guys tell me they don't have male friends because their wives complain when they go out with the guys. I think it's essential for healthy relationships."
Learn to get in touch with your feelings with the guys. "We men do our feelings differently than women do, and that's OK."
Learn to set boundaries. "Nice Guys typically complain that people treat them badly, take advantage of them, hurt them," Glover says. "It's the ability to remove yourself from situations that feel bad."
Glover admits that he, too, is "a recovering Nice Guy." A turning point came for him several years ago. He was in the car with his wife, and he says she'd been crabby with him, a little abusive. He let his resentment stew for a couple of days before he confronted her about it.
"She said, 'You're right, I did treat you badly, but it was your job not to hang around me.' She said, 'It's your job to pull off the road, get out the cellphone and call me a cab, but do it with love. ... Don't pull over calling me names saying, You're this, you're that, I'm getting the hell out of here. Call a cab and say, Dear, I love you, but I'm calling you a cab because I can't be with you.'
"And now we have a term for that: We refer to it as 'calling a cab with love.' I use that with the guys I work with," Glover says.
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Comments
In a way I agree with the article and it does say that Nice Girls should toughen up a bit too.
This old country man and woman were recently married, and one day they were out for a ride in their horse-drawn buggy. After a while, the horse got scared by a snake in the grass. The horse starts running out of control, and after a short while, the husband gets the buggy back under control. He stops the horse, gets out and walks right in front of the horse, points at it, and says, "that's once."
A couple days later, the newlyweds are out again, and once more, the horse gets spooked. After the husband gets the horse under control, he goes back out to the front of the horse, points at it, and says, "that's twice."
Some time goes by, and the couple is once more out in the country in their horse-drawn buggy. You guess it, the horse gets spooked again. After the husband gets the buggy back under control, he gets out, goes around to the compartment in the back of the buggy, grabs his gun, goes around to the front of the horse, and shoots the horse right between the eyes.
Well obviously, this is a predicament for the couple. The wife starts getting really upset: "How could you shoot the horse? What are we going to do now? We're going to have to walk all the way home. What a STUPID thing to do."
The husband looks at her, gets back into the buggy, turns to her, points, and says, "That's once."
....
If you think I'd use my cell phone to call a cab because I'm sick of my wife, you would be greatly mistaken. <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
<strong>Aparently it does no good to be a nice guy. Like the saying, nice guys always finish last. Girls seem to like jackass, loser player guys who mistreat them. That refers to 90% of the male population though.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Women just want a dominant male, and it takes them until the age of 25, usually, to grasp the economic concept behind this. I don't think 90% of males are like this, and I don't think specifically it's a win if you're like this. You just need to be a dominant male. Girls are often groupies. Women are often gold diggers.
Disclaimer: These are obviously stereotypes, and I don't intend to make it seem like the female gender is uniformly. . . well . . . dishonest. But there is a lot of truth in any stereotype.
Wusses don't provide.
THAT'S evolutionary stereotype, baby.