Funny little story

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
Don't know if any of you have seen this, but I thought it was funny enough to post:





~~~~



English professor from the

University of Phoenix:



"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.



Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."



The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).





THE STORY:



(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep

her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.



-----------------------------------------------------------



(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and

blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of

her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.



---------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the

first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no

one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no,I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)

Asshole.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Bitch.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

DICK!

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Slut.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

**** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

**********************************************

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 12
    defiantdefiant Posts: 4,876member
    I really like this one too.



    where did you see that ?
  • Reply 2 of 12
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    That's hilarious.



    I, of course, am on the side of the guy writing about aliens. I cannot stand shit like: "blah blah intellectual whimsy blah blah", he/she thought wistfully.



    [ 10-22-2002: Message edited by: groverat ]</p>
  • Reply 3 of 12
    murbotmurbot Posts: 5,261member
    [quote]"Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA???<hr></blockquote>







    Damn, that's where I lost it. Hilarious! I'm just glad I didn't have a mouth full of Pepsi when I hit that sentence.
  • Reply 3 of 12
    murbotmurbot Posts: 5,261member
    Whoops.



    [ 10-22-2002: Message edited by: murbot ]</p>
  • Reply 5 of 12
    alcimedesalcimedes Posts: 5,486member
    ha hahahahahah



    nice
  • Reply 6 of 12
    Heh, this thing (with differing names) has circulated the internet and e-mails for YEARS. I can't even remember the first time I saw it.







    Still funny, though.
  • Reply 7 of 12
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    That makes me wonder if it's true.
  • Reply 8 of 12
    murbotmurbot Posts: 5,261member
    Yeah, he gave them an A for THAT? Hmm...



    We should pair up here and do the same thing.
  • Reply 9 of 12
    spartspart Posts: 2,060member
    Good idea.



    We should group up with our complete opposite on this board...er no wait I'd have to be with Scott.
  • Reply 10 of 12
    gambitgambit Posts: 475member
    heh Glad you guys liked it. That was sent to me in an email two days ago and I thought I'd share. When I read her paragraphs, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. There's nothing more pathetic than a wanna-be artist trying to express her internal struggle. lol (Okay, there's things more pathetic than that, but you guys get the point.)



    "Well, you're a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium." lol Priceless.
  • Reply 11 of 12
    argentoargento Posts: 483member
    Best post ever.
  • Reply 12 of 12
    Funniest shit I've read in a long time.

    <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />



    [quote]Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no

    one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. <hr></blockquote>



    Who's the idiot? This geek thinks the entire fleet of spaceships on the planet Earth would be dismantled 2 HOURS after some treaty. There must be thousands of the little ****ers to dismantle and in no way could they do it all in 2 hours. Idiot. Maybe he should have mentioned that they were blown up all at once by a plasma-torpedo. Geek.



    [ 10-31-2002: Message edited by: ShawnPatrickJoyce ]</p>
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