What the 95 of Windows 95 means
a little late but still amusing <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> 
1.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number how may times it will crash an hour.
2.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of seconds before it crashes.
3.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of floppy disks you it will ship on.
4.Â* Â* Â* Â* The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
5.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of Megs at least needed for installation
6.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of Fast Installation Help pages in the manual
7.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of hours needed to install it
8.Â* Â* Â* Â* The percentage of existing Windows programs that won't run under Windows 95
9.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of calls to Micro$oft's support hot line, before you manage to run it
10.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of people who really buy it.
11.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of MHz, your computer at least needs to run it
12.Â* Â* Â* Â* The year, it should be released
13.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of zeros on the end of Bill Gate's paycheck
1.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number how may times it will crash an hour.
2.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of seconds before it crashes.
3.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of floppy disks you it will ship on.
4.Â* Â* Â* Â* The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
5.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of Megs at least needed for installation
6.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of Fast Installation Help pages in the manual
7.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of hours needed to install it
8.Â* Â* Â* Â* The percentage of existing Windows programs that won't run under Windows 95
9.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of calls to Micro$oft's support hot line, before you manage to run it
10.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of people who really buy it.
11.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of MHz, your computer at least needs to run it
12.Â* Â* Â* Â* The year, it should be released
13.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of zeros on the end of Bill Gate's paycheck
Comments
Yes. It truely is shit
I think any Mac OS is better than windows anyday
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2.Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS
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3.Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD
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4.Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy
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5.Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files!
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6.If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual?
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7."Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"
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8.The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches.
It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass...")
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9. Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace
Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows
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11.Alt-F4. Just do it.
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12.Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
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13.Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine
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14.Does someone know the cheats for Windows95?
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15.This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows!
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16.This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x
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17.OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,Y]"
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18.Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does?"
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19.Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x
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20.Windows NT - Nice Try
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21.Windows - a virus with mouse support
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22.Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done
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23.Windows vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson
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24.The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
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25.Microsoft is not the answer.
Microsoft is the question.
"No" is the answer!
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26.McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
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1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
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2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
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3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
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4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
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5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2.) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
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28.Last words of a Windows user:
a.Why does that work now?
b.Where do I have to click now? - There?
c.Message box: "Data not completely delete? Yes - No" --- User: "No - ey - Yes"
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29.Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the whole house
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30.How do Microsoft employees exchange a bulb?
Not at all... They/Bill Gates declare(s) darkness as a standard.
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31.Some windows were made to be broken
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32.Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C >
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33.Bugs come in through open Windows
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35.Windows '96 will also have artificial intelligence, e.g.:
Unable to FORMAT A: Having a go at C:
Can't Compress Hard Drive but don't worry I'll delete all files over size 50,000 that'llgive you some space.
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36.How do you make Windows faster? --- Throw it harder!
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Error Messages
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37.DOS Error #01: Windows loading, come back tomorrow
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38.DOS Error #02: Windows loaded. System in danger.
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39.DOS Error #03: Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance
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40.DOS Error #04: Out of disk space. Delete Windows? (Y)es (H)ell yes!
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41.Windows Error #01: No error... ...yet.
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42.Windows Error #02: Multitasking attempted. System confused.
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43.Windows Error #03: Unexplaind error.
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44.Windows Error #04: Reserved for future mistakes
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45.Windows Error #05: Nonexisent error. This cannot really be happening.
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46.Windows Error #06: Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
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47.Windows Error #07: Door locked. Try control-alt-delete
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48.Windows Error #08: Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.
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49.Windows Error #09: Mouse not found. Press mouse button to continue.
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50.Windows Error #09: Game Over. Exiting Windows.
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51.Win95 Error #01: Insufficient money spent in hardware.
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Real Error Messages (No Jokes)
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52.Error: [Microsoft] [ODBC Microsoft Access 7.0 Driver] Error reservado (|); no hay mensaje para este error.
It says: Reserved error (|); There is no message for this error.
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Further ones
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53.Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013),hr> 54.Windows95: New look, same multicrashing
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55.Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading
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56.Windows95 - Every function is a restart function...
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57.Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking:
It can boot and crash at the same time.
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58.Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty
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59.Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so...
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60.Windows - Just another pain in the glass
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61.Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT...
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62.Windows - The Gates of hell
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63.Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!
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64.Windows - a XT emulator for an AT
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65.If Windows cleaned it would be good for something
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66.DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1
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67.DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell
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68.Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once
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69.Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K
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70.Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time!
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71.If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!
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72.Microsoft's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware"
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73.Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?
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74.Have you crashed your Windows today?
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75.Relax... you are entering a windows free zone
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77.New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs
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78.New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++
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79.My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows
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80.If Windows 95 doesn't start shipping soon, it might be Curtains 95.
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81.Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile!
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82.I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...
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83.I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
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84.I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows
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85.Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...
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86.Exhibitionists love Windows
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87.Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven!
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88.Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
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90.A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle
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91.Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.
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92.Newsflash: Microsoft announces Visual Edlin for Windows
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93.Time on your hands? Get Windows!
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95.What's the best of Windows95? The deinstaller!
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96.Why is the Pentium 166 so fast? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again.
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97.What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft? - One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.
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98.How many Windows PC owners does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, as long as you explain it's Plug'n'Play...
they get confused if it doesn't come with a driver disk...
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99.Help! There are Windows everywhere! In my car, my house
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100.Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!
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101.Mouse not present - click twice to continue...
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102.Who the heck is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk?
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103.What's the difference between windows '95 and highly destructive unstoppable virus?
About 90 Megs of hard disk space.
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104.Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows
106. Windows, it's not pretty, it's not ugly, but it's pretty ugly.
Windows 98 is amied at targetting 98% of all computer users....
Windows Xp is aimed at controliing all the computer users....
These same dozy cheepskate motherf***ers absolutely hate it when I walk in and ask them to fix something that's gone wrong with it (most weeks) because I moved all the desktop icons to the proper place (top right) and use the Start menu like the OS 9 Apple Menu, so they can't find anything...