Good Resignation letter:

in General Discussion edited January 2014
There are many tips on how to write resumes.

But how about this for a resignation letter...

actual letter sent by a fed up U.S employee in Port Huncliff, New England).

Mr. Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. A king me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, sightlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting points.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your damn mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fvck with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.


Ted Brewer

Thanks Ted, and Happy Holidays


  • Reply 1 of 16
    defiantdefiant Posts: 4,876member
    someone is politely ****ing someone else
  • Reply 2 of 16
    <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> That has to be illegal. But what are the options for that dumbass manager? He could call the police to report blackmail only to get fired, or he could write the letter and get on with his life. What happened? I am dying to know.
  • Reply 3 of 16
    pscatespscates Posts: 5,847member
    OHMIGOSH, that is funniest thing I've ever read. I swear, I honestly came THIS close to penning something very close to that recently.

    Looking back, I REALLY wish I would have. So much of what this guy is talking about TOTALLY applied to my situation (clueless, arrogant asshole lording it over the peons who actually made her look good...she's too stupid and busy honing her superiority complex moves to actually know how to treat people and run a department).

    But I'm no longer there and I couldn't be happier. Best thing that ever happened to SO many ways. My only regret was not getting in a great parting shot via that sort of letter to this woman (and I use that term generously).

    Oh well...
  • Reply 4 of 16
    That is truely a fantastic letter. Boy I would have loved to seen the face of the employer when he read that masterpeace!

    <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
  • Reply 5 of 16
    airslufairsluf Posts: 1,861member
  • Reply 6 of 16
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    Yea. How can it be illegal to say someone was a bad employee?
  • Reply 7 of 16
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    Another funny one I hear is that you can't be fired for no reason. You can get shit canned at anytime for whatever reason they want. You can sue but that's a different issue.
  • Reply 8 of 16
    buonrottobuonrotto Posts: 6,368member
    [quote]Originally posted by Scott:

    <strong>Another funny one I hear is that you can't be fired for no reason. You can get shit canned at anytime for whatever reason they want. You can sue but that's a different issue.</strong><hr></blockquote>

    Some states have laws on the books about legitmate reasons for being fired to protect against discrimination or uh, less professional conduct. Of course, they're not too limiting and employers in those states will just phrase ther termination letters in such a way to comply with the law. Many states don't have these stipulations at all though. In New Jersey, you can be fired for any time for any reason, or given no reason at all.

    [ 12-20-2002: Message edited by: BuonRotto ]</p>
  • Reply 9 of 16
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    You wouldn't happen to know which states those are? Here in Michigan everyone seems to think union rules appy to all jobs.
  • Reply 10 of 16
    It also depends on the company. The one I work for states that we are "employed at will," and that our employment can be terminated at any time for any or no reason.
  • Reply 11 of 16
    One of the best letter I have ever read. I really appreciate it.
  • Reply 12 of 16
    Originally Posted by melvin80 View Post

    One of the best letter I have ever read. I really appreciate it.

    dude, why the fuck would you post in a thread that was made 6 years ago, holy shit.
  • Reply 13 of 16
    shawnjshawnj Posts: 6,656member
    I spent the last 6 years of my life in here?

    Dear God.
  • Reply 14 of 16
    mydomydo Posts: 1,888member
    What is it with first time posters dragging up old and dead threads? There needs to be some kind of 60 day auto lock on threads.
  • Reply 15 of 16
    nvidia2008nvidia2008 Posts: 9,262member
    Ha ha... Nice back from the grave thread
  • Reply 16 of 16
    Wonder what Artman @_@ is going to say about this Zombie Thread!
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