Funny disclaimer...
I was reading a bunch of articles on some site (not important) and they linked to this page: <a href="http://www.oxo.com/info/terms.html"; target="_blank">OXO terms of use</a> FUNNY STUFF... there should be more legal things written like this... maybe then more people would read them! <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
some quotes:
[quote] Terms of Use
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyer made us include it and made us use a precious button to get you here. At first, we thought he was being a real pain as usual. But then we read the page. What a Netawakening! It's really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyer wrote and translated it into readable English. After all, we are in the business of making things easy. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyer (he's big and ugly). <hr></blockquote>
<snip>
[quote] 9. Software that we use on this site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of: Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where the United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's Table of Deny Orders; or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it! <hr></blockquote>
<snip>
[quote] If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what our lawyer gave to us in the first place. We had to remind the big lug that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did he look disappointed! <hr></blockquote>
what do you think? anyone know of any other legal disclaimers out there that provide a good chuckle?
<they have some really good products on the site too...>
some quotes:
[quote] Terms of Use
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyer made us include it and made us use a precious button to get you here. At first, we thought he was being a real pain as usual. But then we read the page. What a Netawakening! It's really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyer wrote and translated it into readable English. After all, we are in the business of making things easy. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyer (he's big and ugly). <hr></blockquote>
<snip>
[quote] 9. Software that we use on this site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of: Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where the United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's Table of Deny Orders; or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it! <hr></blockquote>
<snip>
[quote] If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what our lawyer gave to us in the first place. We had to remind the big lug that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did he look disappointed! <hr></blockquote>
what do you think? anyone know of any other legal disclaimers out there that provide a good chuckle?
<they have some really good products on the site too...>
Comments
and a "Nice To Know": When Omni first shipped their Webbrowser (OmniWeb) for Mac OS X, it was just a disk image with the browser on it. then, after some time passed, that changed.
If you download any of their Apps now, you get a "License Agreement" when the disk-image mounts. It says something like "Our Lawyer told us that we need something like this. We don't really like it, but what can we do..."
[quote]
IMPORTANT - Read this License Agreement carefully before clicking on the "Agree" button. By clicking on the "Agree" button, you agree to be bound by the terms of the License Agreement.
--
The document that follows this paragraph is a license agreement. Why do we need such a thing? Well, to be perfectly honest, our lawyers have told us that we need to protect ourselves. We at The Omni Group pride ourselves on our low-key style, but the global nature of the Web means that one lawsuit from one user in a far-flung jurisdiction could put us out of business. It also means that, without this agreement, we might not have protection from people who misuse our software. We do not want to bet our entire company on such possibilities, however unlikely, because we like doing what we do and want to continue to be able to do it. And, so, we require you to read and agree to this license. We think you will find it quite reasonable. Obviously, if you disagree, click "Disagree." But, don't just stop there. Let us know. Send some e-mail to <[email protected]> telling us what you find unacceptable about our license agreement. We can't promise to change anything, but we will do our best to get back to you.
LICENSE AGREEMENT
(OmniWeb Browser)
\tTHIS IS A LEGAL AGREEMENT between you (either an individual or an entity) and Omni Development, Inc. ("The Omni Group"). By clicking on the "Agree" button, you are agreeing to be bound by the terms and conditions of this License Agreement. If you do not agree to the terms and conditions of this License Agreement, do not click on the "Agree" button.
1. Grant of Limited License.
\tThe Omni Group grants to you the non-exclusive right to use The Omni Group software program, the OmniWeb browser (the "Software").
2. Copyright.
\tThe Software is owned by The Omni Group and is protected by United States copyright laws and by international treaty provisions. You should therefore treat the Software like any other copyrighted material (such as for example, books or musical recordings). Among other things, copyright laws prohibit you from making derivative works of the Software. You may, however, make copies of the Software, provided that you not copy the Registration Key (see Section 3(a) below).
3. Other Restrictions.
(a) You may register your copy of the Software by purchasing a Registration Key at <a href="http://store.omnigroup.com."; target="_blank">http://store.omnigroup.com.</a>; The Registration Key will disable a feature of the Software that provides for intermittent reminders that you have not registered your copy of the Software. You may not copy the Registration Key.
(b) You may modify, reverse-engineer, decompile, or disassemble the Software. However, you may not do so for the purpose of disabling the feature of the Software that provides intermittent reminders that you have not registered your copy of the Software (i.e. circumventing the Registration Key system) or for the purpose of circumventing any of the terms of this License Agreement or any other provision of law.
(c) You may not claim that the Software is yours, and you may not use the name The Omni Group or Omni Development to endorse or promote products derived from the Software without prior written permission.
(d) You must use the Software at all times in a manner that is consistent with the software licenses granted to you by other companies that have provided software for your computer. For example, the OmniWeb browser is designed to be used with the Mac OS X operating system, and so you may not use the OmniWeb browser in a manner inconsistent with the Mac OS X license agreement between you and Apple Computer, Inc.
4. Disclaimer of Warranties and Limitation of Liability.
\tTHE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS," WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND. THE OMNI GROUP FURTHER DISCLAIMS ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NONINFRINGEMENT. THE ENTIRE RISK ARISING OUT OF THE USE OR PERFORMANCE OF THE SOFTWARE REMAINS WITH YOU. SHOULD THE SOFTWARE PROVE DEFECTIVE, YOU (AND NOT THE OMNI GROUP) ASSUME THE ENTIRE COST OF ALL NECESSARY SERVICING OR REPAIR.
\tIN NO EVENT SHALL THE OMNI GROUP OR ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED IN THE CREATION, PRODUCTION, MARKETING, DISTRIBUTION, OR DELIVERY OF THE SOFTWARE, BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER; INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF BUSINESS PROFITS, FOR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION, FOR LOSS OF BUSINESS INFORMATION, OR FOR OTHER MONETARY LOSS, ARISING OUT OF THE USE OF THE SOFTWARE OR THE INABILITY TO USE THE SOFTWARE, EVEN IF YOU HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
\tIN NO EVENT SHALL THE OMNI GROUP BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INDIRECT, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, OR FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, WHETHER IN A CONTRACT ACTION, NEGLIGENCE OR OTHER TORT ACTION, OR OTHER CLAIM OR ACTION, ARISING OUT OF, OR IN CONNECTION WITH, THE USE OR PERFORMANCE OF THE SOFTWARE OR DOCUMENTS AND OTHER INFORMATION PROVIDED TO YOU BY THE OMNI GROUP, OR IN THE PROVISION OF, OR FAILURE TO PROVIDE, SERVICES OR INFORMATION.
Because some states of the United States and some countries do not allow the exclusion or limitation of the liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above disclaimer may not apply to you. Any warranties that by law survive the foregoing disclaimers shall terminate ninety (90) days from the date you downloaded or otherwise received the Software.
5. Third Party Sites.
\tTHE OMNI GROUP IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENTS OF ANY WEBSITE MAINTAINED BY ANY THIRD PARTY. USE OF THE OMNIWEB BROWSER TO ACCESS THE WEBSITE OF A THIRD PARTY DOES NOT IMPLY ENDORSEMENT OF THE SITE BY THE OMNI GROUP.
6. Your Warranty to The Omni Group.
You warrant that all individuals having access to the Software will observe and perform all the terms and conditions of this License Agreement. You shall, at your own expense, promptly enforce the restrictions in this License Agreement against any person who gains access to your copy of the Software (i.e. the copy you download upon agreeing to this License Agreement or any other copy you have made from that copy) with your permission or while your employee and who violates such restrictions, by instituting and diligently pursuing all legal and equitable remedies against him or her. You agree to immediately notify The Omni Group in writing of any misuse, misappropriation or unauthorized disclosure, display or copying of the Software that may come to your attention.
7. Terms of Service.
When you download the Software,The Omni Group servers will automatically log certain non-personal information from your computer, information such as your IP address. If you decide you wish to purchase a Registration Key, we require that you provide us with certain billing information that is personal to you ("Personal Information"). That Personal information includes your name, address and credit card number and may also include other information such as your e-mail address. After we have received payment from your credit card company, we save only the last five digits of your credit card for identification purposes.
To the extent The Omni Group may access Personal Information, The Omni Group will not transmit Personal Information voluntarily to any third party without your express consent. Your Personal Information remains in your full control.
The Omni Group may, on occasion, use your IP address to help diagnose problems with our server and to administer its website. The Omni Group may provide aggregate statistics about our customers, traffic patterns, and related site information to reputable third-party vendors. In this process, the information that The Omni Group collects remains anonymous to third parties. The Omni Group may derive general information from your Personal Information and web usage. The Omni Group will not voluntarily disclose, sell or trade your Personal Information to any third party without your consent.
8. Export Control Laws.
\tYou agree to comply with all laws, rules and regulations applicable to the export of the Software. Specifically, you shall not export, re-export or transship the Software, or the direct product thereof, in violation of any United States laws and regulations which may from time to time be applicable. None of the Software or underlying information or technology may be downloaded or otherwise exported or re-exported (i) into, or to a national or resident of, Cuba, Iran, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Sudan, Syria or any other country to which the U.S. has embargoed goods; or (ii) to anyone on the U.S. Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals or the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Denial Order. By downloading or using the Software, you are agreeing to the foregoing and you are representing and warranting that you are not located in, under the control of, or a national or resident of any such country or on any such list.
9. Injunctive Relief.
Because of the unique nature of the Software, you understand and agree that The Omni Group will suffer irreparable injury in the event you fail to comply with any of the terms of paragraph 3 of this License Agreement and that monetary damages may be inadequate to compensate The Omni Group for such breach. Accordingly, you agree that The Omni Group will, in addition to any other remedies available to it at law or in equity, be entitled to injunctive relief, without posting a bond, to enforce the terms of this Agreement.
10. Termination.
You may terminate this Agreement at any time. The Omni Group may immediately terminate this License Agreement if you breach any representation, warranty, agreement or obligation contained or referred to in this License Agreement. Upon termination, you must dispose of the Software and all copies or versions of the Software by destroying the Software. The provisions of Sections 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 11 of this License Agreement shall survive termination of this Agreement.
11. Miscellaneous.
If any litigation is brought to enforce this License Agreement, or arises out of this License Agreement, the prevailing party shall be awarded its reasonable attorneys' fees together with expenses and costs incurred in such litigation. This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of the State of Washington, but not including the 1980 United Nations Convention on Contracts for International Sale of Goods. Venue for any action under this Agreement shall be in Seattle, Washington. You consent to the personal jurisdiction of the courts of such venue. This License Agreement is the complete agreement between The Omni Group and you and supersedes all prior agreements, oral or written, with respect to the subject matter hereof.
12. U.S. Government Restricted Rights.
The Software is provided with RESTRICTED RIGHTS. Use, duplication, or disclosure by the Government is subject to restrictions as set forth in subparagraph (c)(1)(ii) of The Rights in Technical Data and Computer Software clause at 48 CFR § 252.227-7013 or subparagraphs (c)(1) and (2) of the Commercial Computer Software -- Restricted Rights 48 CFR § 52.227-19, as applicable. Manufacturer is Omni Development, Inc., 2707 N.E. Blakeley St., Seattle, WA 98105-3118.
If the Commercial Computer Software Restricted Rights clause at 48 CFR § 52.227-19 or its successors apply, the Software constitutes restricted computer software as defined in that clause and the Government shall not have the license for published software set forth in subparagraph (c)(3) of that clause.
The Software (i) was developed at private expense, and no part of it was developed with governmental funds; (ii) is a trade secret of The Omni Group for all purposes of the Freedom of Information Act; (iii) is "restricted computer software" subject to limited utilization as provided in the contract between the vendor and the governmental entity; and (iv) in all respects is proprietary data belonging solely to The Omni Group.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE. Copyright (c) 1994-2002 Omni Development, Inc., 2707 N.E. Blakeley St., Seattle, WA 98105-3118. All rights reserved. Any rights not expressly granted in this License Agreement are reserved.
TRADEMARKS. "The Omni Group" and "OmniWeb" are either trademarks or registered trademarks of Omni Development, Inc.
<hr></blockquote>
<strong>I don't know, still not up to the sheer stupidity of the, "Do not iron while wearing" disclaimer on garments.</strong><hr></blockquote>
or the instructions on how to use Q-tips...
only the outside of the ear, huh?!
<strong>or the instructions on how to use Q-tips...
only the outside of the ear, huh?!
it's actually dangerous to stick anything inside your ear.
<strong>
it's actually dangerous to stick anything inside your ear.</strong><hr></blockquote>
...except your elbow.
p.s. DID YOU KNOW ... it's impossible to lick your elbow ... and approx. 74% of people reading this will attempt to do so!
Another useless piece of information <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
<strong>
...except your elbow.
p.s. DID YOU KNOW ... it's impossible to lick your elbow ... and approx. 74% of people reading this will attempt to do so!
Another useless piece of information <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>
I am one of the 74%. <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
<strong>
it's actually dangerous to stick anything inside your ear.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Unless, of course, you're an ENT medic and can charge an astounding amount to clean out someone's ear canal, because god knows they can't be trusted to do it themselves... "Hmmm, that really hurts... I think I'll jam it in further..."