Deadbeat Dads. Are they really Deadbeats?

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
While watching the Superbowl here in Seattle there was an preview of an upcoming show featuring the former Detroit Piston James Edwards. The story seems to be based on the fact that he does not have any influence in his Sons life to the dismay of the Mother.



I ask. Is this really wrong? While Most Men cherish the thought of raising their offspring does the fact that some Men rebuke this mean they are truly "Deadbeats"?



I happen to think that the idea and important of Biological Parenting is very much overrated. Given the choice of



A. Having one Biological Parent and one Adopted Parent who are equally committed to raising a child



B. Having both Biological Parents but poor parenting from one of the two.



Which is the preferrable solution?



Is this scenario caused by the inequities that our system places on prospective parents. IE



If a Woman is pregnant and wants the child. The Man has no choice and a "Duty" to support the child financially/Emotionally.



If a Woman is pregnant yet does not want to keep the child...the Man has no choice.



I consider a "Deadbeat Dad" to be one who doesn't not support his child in one of two ways. Financially or Emotionally. I cannot fault a Man for creating a child if he meets on of these two. I believe we are fostering the wrong idealogies here.



I happen to be involved in my Sons life financially and emotionally but that's because I choose to rather than being forced to. I can't superimpose my ways and thoughts on others under the guise of "duty" or "responsibility". What say ye?

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 16
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    I consider a "deadbeat dad" to be one that does not pay child support.



    Should fathers be involved in their children's lives? Yes. Study after study shows that children who's fathers are involved are better off, on average, than those that are not. Even if the father is a mediocre one.



    I actually think it?s rather cruel when a mother gets pregnant to have a child with no intention of having the father be apart of the kids life.
  • Reply 1 of 16
    Are there no Prisons, are there no Workhouses? - Scrooge <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
  • Reply 3 of 16
    objra10objra10 Posts: 679member
    It's actually quite an easy situation to avoid. just keep it in your pants and you wouldn't have this problem. If you make the choice and decide to take the chance, then you open yourself up to the potential consequences.
  • Reply 4 of 16
    hmurchisonhmurchison Posts: 12,341member
    [quote]Originally posted by OBJRA10:

    <strong>It's actually quite an easy situation to avoid. just keep it in your pants and you wouldn't have this problem. If you make the choice and decide to take the chance, then you open yourself up to the potential consequences.</strong><hr></blockquote>



    The problem here is you assume that every Man who impregnates a Woman regrets it. That's really the sad part. The Man that wants to be a Father and there doesn't have the choice should the Woman decide not to have the child. Now I'm not going to say the Woman should be forced to have a child she doesn't want to bear but it's a sad issue nontheless.
  • Reply 5 of 16
    thegeldingthegelding Posts: 3,230member
    [quote] The Man that wants to be a Father and there doesn't have the choice should the Woman decide not to have the child <hr></blockquote>



    that is sad....but i have said before and will say again...



    in a good and loving relationship the man always does have a say!!....so get in a good and loving relationship...it will make your life better and you will live longer



    as for the situations where a man is upset because he can't force a woman to be his incubator...i tell him to get in a better relationship...g



    [ 01-27-2003: Message edited by: thegelding ]</p>
  • Reply 6 of 16
    objra10objra10 Posts: 679member
    Gelding, I have to say, I don't think there are a lot of posts on here of yours that I would agree with, but you nailed this one on the head 100%. (I should qualify that, I may not agree with some of your posts, but I respect all of them).



    anyway, you put it very well.
  • Reply 6 of 16
    [quote]Originally posted by hmurchison:

    <strong>



    The problem here is you assume that every Man who impregnates a Woman regrets it. That's really the sad part. The Man that wants to be a Father and there doesn't have the choice should the Woman decide not to have the child. Now I'm not going to say the Woman should be forced to have a child she doesn't want to bear but it's a sad issue nontheless.</strong><hr></blockquote>



    That is because the US courts ruled that the insemination of a women is essentially a gift of sperm. Of course arguing that a Contract is offered and accepted with Consideration is not valid because sperm is considered to have no value.



    Oh the Good-Ole-Days when ****'n was just for fun.
  • Reply 8 of 16
    objra10objra10 Posts: 679member
    hmurchison:



    You have fallen prey to a logical fallicy known as the excluded middle. You have asked a very, very poor question. You said :



    [quote] I ask. Is this really wrong? While Most Men cherish the thought of raising their offspring does the fact that some Men rebuke this mean they are truly "Deadbeats"?



    I happen to think that the idea and important of Biological Parenting is very much overrated. Given the choice of



    A. Having one Biological Parent and one Adopted Parent who are equally committed to raising a child



    B. Having both Biological Parents but poor parenting from one of the two.



    Which is the preferrable solution?
    <hr></blockquote>



    Neither of these is a preferrable solution. You have excluded the possibility that there is perhaps a third, more desirable situation. Two parents, committed to each other who raise a child out of love, compassion, and responsibility, instead of "obligation."



    By leaving that out as a perferred situation, you present two very bad choices and ask us to pick the "less bad" choice. Well, I agree with -G, that the best choice is two people in a loving relationship (perferrably married) who have children and love them, not regret them.



    IF that's not you, don't be having children. In fact, don't be putting yourself in situations where you MIGHT be having children.



    [ 01-27-2003: Message edited by: OBJRA10 ]</p>
  • Reply 9 of 16
    thegeldingthegelding Posts: 3,230member
    [quote] (I should qualify that, I may not agree with some of your posts, but I respect all of them). <hr></blockquote>



    thank you...that is very kind to say...too often when we disagree we seem to get mad or hostile...to disagree is part of human nature...if we all agreed, all the time, it would be quite boring...but to disagree, yet still respect...ahhh, that is the best world we could live in...i hope to disagree with, yet respect, many of your future posts ....g



    [ 01-27-2003: Message edited by: thegelding ]</p>
  • Reply 10 of 16
    hmurchisonhmurchison Posts: 12,341member
    Ask yourself though.



    Which is Human Nature? The Desire for one to Propagate themselves or seek "loving" relations?



    Procreation is a natural Human drive. There are many who feel like it is "against" Human Nature to "settle" down with one person. That may indeed be a "cultural" rather than Biological trait in Humans.
  • Reply 11 of 16
    objra10objra10 Posts: 679member
    there are also many who believe it is a natural human desire to beat their wives into submission, or to sexually abuse 12 year old girls because it is "natural."



    Just because it is a desire doesn't mean it's right?! See, the problem with you, and a large percentage of humanity today is that the focus is all on yourself. It's all about "what makes ME happy, what do I want."



    Did you ever stop to think that you're not the only one in this world? Do you ever stop to think about the consequences to your actions? That if you get someone pregnant because YOU want to get laid, that you've now created a NEW life? What say does that new person get? I'm not even talking about abortion here, I'm saying that kid deserves the best shot it can get. And since it has no say whatsover as to whether or not it comes into this world, you owe it the best chance it can have. If you're not prepared to be responsible, like I said before - keep it in your pants.





    And by the way, when George Barna did a survey of 3,821 adults, 97% of them said that their GREATEST desire in life was to be loved.



    Human nature is to be in meaningful relationships and be loved... not just to get laid.
  • Reply 12 of 16
    [quote]Originally posted by OBJRA10:

    <strong>there are also many who believe it is a natural human desire to beat their wives into submission, or to sexually abuse 12 year old girls because it is "natural."



    Just because it is a desire doesn't mean it's right?! See, the problem with you, and a large percentage of humanity today is that the focus is all on yourself. It's all about "what makes ME happy, what do I want."



    Did you ever stop to think that you're not the only one in this world? Do you ever stop to think about the consequences to your actions? That if you get someone pregnant because YOU want to get laid, that you've now created a NEW life? What say does that new person get? I'm not even talking about abortion here, I'm saying that kid deserves the best shot it can get. And since it has no say whatsover as to whether or not it comes into this world, you owe it the best chance it can have. If you're not prepared to be responsible, like I said before - keep it in your pants.





    And by the way, when George Barna did a survey of 3,821 adults, 97% of them said that their GREATEST desire in life was to be loved.



    Human nature is to be in meaningful relationships and be loved... not just to get laid.</strong><hr></blockquote>



    F**king Amen.



    It is rare to see someone nowadays that doesn't only think about themselves, and I really wish there were more people in the world like you.



    I'm so sick of hearing people say "I want this for me, I want that for me, I want a child to fill the void in my life, I want to get laid but not take responsability for my actions, I'll smoke drugs and drink all I want while I'm pregnant, it's my baby, it's my choice. I'll beat my kid because it's mine to beat. My kid should learn what I want them to learn, not what their interested in.



    There are so many people in this world who ONLY care about themselves, or only ever look at their children as their own possessions.



    The responsibility of every parent is to provide a child with immense love, immense oppurtunity, even at the expense of yours, and the chance to succeed in whatever area THEY want, within the realm of the law.



    If your not willing to provide this, don't have children. And don't give me this bullshit about accidents. I'm sure it's an accident when your dick suddenly jumps out of your pants, or when you don't take SIMPLE precautions that a 3 year old could figure out.



    All you need in life is LOVE. The rest is just a means to an end.
  • Reply 13 of 16
    objra10objra10 Posts: 679member
    wow, this is a great thread. Two of the people I have disagreed with most have posted opinions that I couldn't agree with more! Lucy's, read above what I posted to thegelding, and pretend I also posted it to you! I haven't agreed with many of the things you have posted on here, and that's okay. I guess it's interesting what can align minds on here!
  • Reply 14 of 16
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Scott View Post


    I consider a "deadbeat dad" to be one that does not pay child support.



    Should fathers be involved in their children's lives? Yes. Study after study shows that children who's fathers are involved are better off, on average, than those that are not. Even if the father is a mediocre one.



    I actually think it’s rather cruel when a mother gets pregnant to have a child with no intention of having the father be apart of the kids life.





    Bull Shit. At least MY single mother taught me how to SPELL. What studies? The same misogynistic crap that men are SO important to a child's welfare, but doesn't take into account since the beginning of the world it's STILL women who do most of the child-rearing? I guess all those broken homes due to abusive men is the SINGLE mother's fault? ....whatever.



    Right, children fail because there is no penis in the home, any man is better than none? Thanks for the laugh.
  • Reply 15 of 16
    mobme30mobme30 Posts: 2member
    Which is Human Nature? The Desire for one to Propagate themselves or seek "loving" relations?



    Procreation is a natural Human drive. There are many who feel like it is "against" Human Nature to "settle" down with one person. That may indeed be a "cultural" rather than Biological trait in Humans.
  • Reply 16 of 16
    nvidia2008nvidia2008 Posts: 9,262member
    There is a difference between sex and procreation. I think there are too many people already in this world. We can all enjoy sex. Having children, that's a very big thing to think about.
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