Life after Liberation

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
Making the rounds right now:



BUREAU OF IRAQI AFFAIRS (BIA)



Dear People of Iraq,



Now that you have been liberated from your tyrannical oppressors, we at

the BIA look forward to our relationship with you. Below you will find a

list of what to expect from the services of our good offices.



1. Henceforth, English will be the spoken language of all government and

associated offices. If you do not speak English, a translator fluent in

German will be provided.



2. All Iraqi people will apply for a spot on a citizen roll. Citizenship

will be open to those people who can prove that they are Iraqi back four

generations with documents issued by the United States. Christian church

records may also be given in support.



3. All hospitals will be issued with a standard emergency aid kit. The

kit contains gauze, Band-Aids, burn cream, iodine, tweezers, and duct

tape.



4. Your oil is to be held in trust for you. We will appoint your new

American approved government a lawyer with a background in the oil

industry. Never mind that he works for the company that he will

eventually cut a deal with. This close relationship will guarantee you

more money for your oil.



5. Each Citizen will be allotted one hundred acres of prime Iraqi

desert. They will be issued plows, hoes, seed corn and the King James

Bible. All leftover land will be open to settlement by Israelis.



6. Each Citizen is entitled to draw a ration of milk, sugar, flour and

lard. If you can not use the rations for health or religious reasons you

may file a complaint with your BIA appointed liaisons, Crisco. Those

Iraqis showing signs of diabetes, heart disease, or glaucoma will be

issued with double rations in place of adequate health care.



7. We will mismanage your trust monies, allowing any five year old with

minimal computer skills to hack into the system and set up their own

account. Records of your accounts will be kept, but you must receive

express written permission from the head of the BIA to examine them.



8. In keeping with the separation of Church and State supported by the

US constitution, Christian missionaries will be sponsored through

government funding. Only Iraqis who convert to Christianity will be

allowed to hold jobs within the government.



9. For the purposes of treaty making, any single Iraqi will be found

competent to sign on behalf of all other Iraqis.



10. Welcome to the Free World and have a nice day!

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 10
    Ho Hum

  • Reply 2 of 10
    mrmistermrmister Posts: 1,095member
    sammi jo, if you have a thought in your head, express it...as opposed to forwarding us mass spam email that came into your AOL account.
  • Reply 3 of 10
    sdw2001sdw2001 Posts: 16,918member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by mrmister

    sammi jo, if you have a thought in your head, express it...as opposed to forwarding us mass spam email that came into your AOL account.







  • Reply 4 of 10
    sammi josammi jo Posts: 4,634member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by mrmister

    sammi jo, if you have a thought in your head, express it...as opposed to forwarding us mass spam email that came into your AOL account.



    AOL? You have to be joking! If they *paid* me a large sum of money, I *might* consider using their service.







    The aftermath of the war is a valid topic. The tone of the piece (which did arrive in my non-AOL box, btw) looked about par for the course, although perhaps a little bit optimistic, as far as the Iraqi people are concerned.



    Does anyone have something valid to say about the war's outcome in this respect, or are we going to be subject to the usual pavlovian wave-the-flag, armchair-patriotism courtesy of SDW et al?



  • Reply 5 of 10
    Quote:

    Originally posted by sammi jo

    Does anyone have something valid to say about the war's outcome in this respect, or are we going to be subject to the usual pavlovian wave-the-flag, armchair-patriotism courtesy of SDW et al?



    Not to be confused with the usual pavlovian, burn-the-flag... ah, the hell with it... too easy.
  • Reply 6 of 10
    noahjnoahj Posts: 4,501member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by sammi jo



    The aftermath of the war is a valid topic. The tone of the piece (which did arrive in my non-AOL box, btw) looked about par for the course, although perhaps a little bit optimistic, as far as the Iraqi people are concerned.



    Does anyone have something valid to say about the war's outcome in this respect, or are we going to be subject to the usual pavlovian wave-the-flag, armchair-patriotism courtesy of SDW et al?







    The aftermath is a valid topic, and perhaps you would get a more valid response if you actually posted a somewhat valid outcome with a valid backing in reality.



    Or are you simply going to have to subject ourselves to the usual pavlovian blame America first, armchair peacenik, no blood for oil drivel courtesy of yourself et al?
  • Reply 7 of 10
    stunnedstunned Posts: 1,096member
    The US will probably interfere very little in the life in the Iraqis, just like in Afanghisthan.
  • Reply 8 of 10
    Yeah stunned, like abandoning it.



    That list was funny. Thanks sammi jo.





    Quote:

    perhaps a little bit optimistic



    It was optimistic. A divided people, used to a tyrant...democracy isn't just going to be realised by the people and forcing it on them is sure to screw-up. It is counter-intuitive to believe that Iraq's liberation is anything but that purely. Developing a scoiety interested in equality and freedom is going to take a while!





    NoahJ, it was obviously a joke. I have to be receptive to your extending-of-others' positions, why can't you?
  • Reply 9 of 10
    spartspart Posts: 2,060member
    While funny, it's quite sad that some people might actually believe that this is near to the truth of what the future holds.



    Not that I'm naming names.
  • Reply 10 of 10
    buonrottobuonrotto Posts: 6,368member
    There's some funny stuff in there. As per the David Letterman rule of lists, the middle portion is funnier.



    Don't take all this stuff too seriously. We have the luxury of laughing. Besides, it's good for your health.
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