At what point in a relationship do you become exclusive to one another?
What's the "official" time where you stop dating around and become monogomous?
One month? two month? And if you are still "sleeping" around during that time, do you mind that she is doing the same?
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Originally posted by satchmo
At what point in a relationship do you become exclusive to one another?
What's the "official" time where you stop dating around and become monogomous?
One month? two month? And if you are still "sleeping" around during that time, do you mind that she is doing the same?
I have been always exclusive and i do mind she is doing the same.
There is 2 reasons to be exclusive :
- by purpose
- by need
Originally posted by segovius
Human beings can never become monogamous. It's not in the nature.
The basic idea stems from Xian conditioning which in turn is an attempt at control. Particularly control of women in a Patriarchal sense. Hence the emph
snip
for (unfortunately). I suppose some respect is in order and the most one can hope for is to refrain from actually implementing your innate drives in practice if you happen to care enough about someone who doesn't see thingsin quite the same way.
I disagree! I like you, but I disagree.
Southern African hunter gather cultures are monogamous. They didn't get it from Christianity.
Not that they don't have affairs, they're only human, but it's regarded as very uncool to cheat on your wife (they have marriage rites too.)
I do agree it's hard, even perhaps "against our nature", but the whole point is making the effort. It's not impossible. I want to hit taxi drivers in the face when they cut me up on my bicycle; I don't do it. I want to sleep with many, many women I know, too, and I won't do that either. I'm a better man for resisting my urges, the taxi driver's happier, my girlfriend's happy and continues to love me, which in turn makes me happier.
Aaaw.
And to answer the question, you become monogamous when it's apparent that you're going to upset the other party in the equation if you were to shag someone else. There's no saying when this is. You can easily discover if you're at this point by asking "Er... are we going out with each other?"
If you can't ask this question then you're probably not.
Originally posted by Hassan i Sabbah
my girlfriend's happy and continues to love me, which in turn makes me happier.
Aaaw.
Wow! Hassan's not ... oh, never mind.
Originally posted by segovius
Human beings can never become monogamous. It's not in the nature.
The basic idea stems from Xian conditioning which in turn is an attempt at control. Particularly control of women in a Patriarchal sense. Hence the emphasis on the Virgin Mary and it's spin-off into other virgin-related hang-ups and obsessions some guys are rumoured to have.
Interestingly this monogamy is very much a western Xian phenomena and is not to be found in the Islamic or Judaistic (not to mention other eastern religions) framework. Indeed there seem very little hang-ups about sex at all in these latter two religions. Unlike Churchianity.
But that doesn't mean an unbridled lustfest is called for (unfortunately). I suppose some respect is in order and the most one can hope for is to refrain from actually implementing your innate drives in practice if you happen to care enough about someone who doesn't see thingsin quite the same way.
What a crock.
I'm all for seperating the letter of religion and the social practices of a people from time to time, but I wouldn't afford it in this case. Call me nuts, but I really don't see the Burka wearing afgani or the clitorecticimized (sp?) somali girl burning up the ranks of female sexual freedom. It may not be in the precise letter of the religion, but it's ever present in the social practice of semite (muslims and jews) and in the religious interpretation of fundamentalist and conservatives.
Singling out Christians is absolutely ridiculous.
Originally posted by Hassan i Sabbah
And to answer the question, you become monogamous when it's apparent that you're going to upset the other party in the equation if you were to shag someone else. There's no saying when this is. You can easily discover if you're at this point by asking "Er... are we going out with each other?"
If you can't ask this question then you're probably not.
Phew! didn't think this was going to take a religious bent.
Anyway, I've always pegged the time frame based on the moment you have sex. Of course a one night stand does not make a relationship. But shouldn't sex (within the confines of a loving relationship) form an unspoken agreement of exclusivity.
I tend to think that, given the overcoming of scarcity and enough time a culture will tend towards monogamy with lots of bouts of cheating.
My guess is is that is our "nature" that we tend to stick to one but fooling around is not beyond us . .. and when the survival of the clan, tribe, or group, is benefitted by it then polygamy can take place, and in which ever form maximizes offspring.
Every human culture has two rituals: burial rites and marriage ceremonies . . . most of these marriages are between single men and single women . . . some are between single men and multiple women and I gues some are single women and multiple men but I am not aware of them . . . and nowdays they can be 'le-unisex-marriage"
I immediately assumed monogamy as soon as the dating was aware that it was delibarate and something that was pursued because of a strong and directed interest (ie-'that lovin feelin')
Originally posted by segovius
For someone who knows the culture and the 'codes' (which obviously aren't western ones) the Islamic world is (or can be) a seething hot bed of sexual activity
This sounds all nice and very multi-culturally sensitive, but, to quote Milan Kundera: 'beware lest you become the ally of your own gravedigger'
What appears to be 'erotocism' may simply be your 'Orientalising' gaze applying a thin veneer of exotica over an otherwise misogynist set of 'codes'
but maybe not
Originally posted by satchmo
At what point in a relationship do you become exclusive to one another?
What's the "official" time where you stop dating around and become monogomous?
When it would be a problem if you were sleeping around.
When I was dating, I just used the general rule of the point of first discussion and/or when the other person says it would be hurtful to them. If the person I was dating brought it up, then the choice had to be made. Often I would date a couple people at a time and when one would bring up the conversation, I would make a decision whether or not I wanted to trade in the others for this one. If I did not, then I made it clear that other people would be in my bed as well and they can decide accordingly.
My experience is that you can easily have multiple simultaneous relationships if you actually care about the people involved. Typically it's OK so long as they don't have to be around one another or find eachother's things laying around. That's when the territorial impluses might start to kick in.
Of course, in my most serious relationships I wanted to be monogomous, as I am now.
And if you are still "sleeping" around during that time, do you mind that she is doing the same?
You shouldn't. And if you do mind, then you shouldn't be screwing other people.
The golden rule really applies strongly to this situation and should be the basis of any decision.
I think it is very, very important to always be honest. I would never say anything about concurrent relatioships (though I would talk about the individual as I would anyone else) unless asked, but I would be completely honest if it came up. And once an agreement is made that allows multiple relationships, it is very important to periodically make very clear what the situation is. Otherwise, the individual may start to believe there is a monogamous relatioship when in fact there is not.
Originally posted by satchmo
What's the "official" time where you stop dating around and become monogomous?
Exactly at the moment I marry Ellen Feiss and smoke some pot with her
Hey guys, you got one sick culture over there! get it?
What's the "official" time where you stop dating around and become monogomous?
On that time when our concupiscence is high in rate.
At what point in a relationship do you become exclusive to one another?
What's the "official" time where you stop dating around and become monogomous?
When you're someone who values his word. IOW, when your word is your bond. Nobody respects a cheater.