Jokes? add your own here!

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
Oh? You want a joke or two?



Funny you should drop in



"There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.

When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"



He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.




Be sure not to skip over this one:





It is wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher"s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.



At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:



Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.



P.S. Sure is hot down here.




Then of course funny pictures are also welcome in this Jokes thread!











Your turn



Fellows

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 3
    aquafireaquafire Posts: 2,758member
    Very funny ..Love the image.



    Discovery of America



    " Of course America had been discovered dozens of times before Columbus let the cat out of the bag. It's just that everyone before him had the good sense to keep quiet about it. " Oscar Wilde



    Definition of cruelty.



    A masochist meets a sadist in a bar. They both decide to go home together. The masochist hands over a whip and asks to be whipped..



    After a long and agonizing pause the sadist says ...no.



    Adam & Eve



    Adam is walking around the garden of Eden looking a little puzzled and depressed.



    "What's up ?" asks God..



    Adam replies..." I don't want to seem ungrateful for everything you have given me, but I can't help but notice all the birds & animals here have partners..but I haven't."



    God puts his arm around Adams' shoulder & says ...



    " I understand...I'll tell you what Adam..I will make a beautiful woman to be your mate...she will cook for you, listen in awe and wonder to everything you say and do. She will never be disobedient to any of your commands. But I have to say..she doesn't come cheap...."



    " How much will she cost ? " pipes in Adam eagerly..



    God whispers the price into Adams ear...



    After a thoughtful pause, Adam weighs up the pros and cons and says..



    " Gee God that IS a bit expensive...how much do I get for a spare rib...?
  • Reply 2 of 3
    A nun hails a cab in Chicago, one stops and she gets in. The driver looks at her in the rear view mirror and just stairs. After a minute the Nun asks him, "What troubles you my son?" He stairs for a while longer and he says,

    "I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss a nun." She replies,

    "That can be arranged, on two conditions. One, you must be Catholic, two, you must be unmarried." He says that he is and so they get out of the cab and she plants a spectacular kiss on his lips. He stepped back, dumbfounded and looking guilty. He said,

    "Sister, I have sinned, I'm Jewish and I have a wife and three kids." She looked at him with compassion and said,

    "That's okay, my name is Carl and I'm on my way to a costume party."





  • Reply 3 of 3
    aquafireaquafire Posts: 2,758member
    Hope you don't mind the indulgence.



    Gates dies and upon death is called up to heaven for a meeting. He arrives at the portals where St Peter is already waiting.



    " Glad you could make it Bill, please come in "



    Bill steps through the gates and St Peter continues..



    " We have called you up because we need someone of you calibre & expertise to help us build the largest clustered computer network in the universe"

    " Let me show what sort of thing we have in mind " says St Peter



    Bill is shocked as St Peter leads him into a massive hall that's piled on high with millions of G5 OS -X platformed computers.



    For a few dreadful moments Bill reflects upon a life time's work wasted in trying to kill of Apple...



    " But what about Windows ? What about Pc's ? What about all that work I have done? This is a cruel joke." Cries Bill



    "Don't be upset Bill" says Peter trying to cheer him up.



    " Yes it's true,Bill, Apple won the contract because as everyone on earth kept telling us..that their "Macs" were "heavenly" to use..".... But that is only half the contract !



    " We want your computer expertise for the other place. After all so many of your users couldn't have been wrong".
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