Original Song Writing

in General Discussion edited January 2014

Flip open the lid on the red box

Enjoy what's inside

But don't get caught

Because your step dad got that

For your mom on valentines day

You just screwed up his big plan

You didnt care that hes a 42 year old man

Being smart to wrench his life

Because he's moving in on your real dad's wife

Gonna poke holes in his water bed

Sugar in the lawnmower in the shed

Nair in his shampoo

And burn his clothes

So his love never grows

If he asks you if you had anything to do with it

Just tell him he's full of bullshit

Whats he gonna do?

Marry your mom and honestly say he loves you too?

Desert Highway

Pushed out the car, left by myself on the desert highway

Why'd it have to end this way? Tomorrow is so far away

A backpack and a canteen, hope the paper in my pocket's green

The federales wont find me this way, roaming through maguey

Federales quisiera que explicara, cómo conseguÃ* aquÃ* y terminé

This place aint so bad though, maybe I'll stay

The girl's gone and so are the State's familiarities

Mexico's looking a lot like home now, dusty and old and grey

Tomorrow is so far away, I've decided to stay

I'm gonna make my way to some Mexican village

The harmonica is airing out a lonesome tune

Just up over that hill, past that sand dune

There's a lizzard and a rattler

I'll be alright if I just move faster

Adios to America and my problems

Cómo se dice

I wont miss it very much anyway

I'll make it in life once I get off this desert highway

Wish the rearview miror could've told me lies before

But I got kicked out by that girl

I never knew her anyway

This place aint so bad though, my new name's Jose

Everyone's Thoughts

Sitting in a crowd of hundreds, watching a few perform

Stuff you could do, maybe do it better, who knew

Everyone you know is there, all the girls and all the guys

Its like they all see things through different eyes

Now its too late for that but you think about it still

You think about it because you are lonely

You sit in your basement watching tv by yourself

Thinking about how you dont want to be alone

Why you shouldnt be alone

Memories rush back through your mind

Girls from the past, its like turning back time

You sit alone and know your value

You return a movie to a beautiful employee

Thank God it was an artsy movie

You remember her blue eye makeup smile

Your life needs a shakeup

Everyone is thinking something, if you could know

Why cant you be like everyone you see

There's nothing left to believe

Except that time keeps moving and you keep losing

All by me, haha. Adios.


  • Reply 1 of 10
    messiahtoshmessiahtosh Posts: 1,754member
    Anything good or bad to say?
  • Reply 2 of 10
    defiantdefiant Posts: 4,876member
    Do you really want critique from us AI'ers? I thought you learned your lesson?
  • Reply 3 of 10
    tigerwoods99tigerwoods99 Posts: 2,633member
    Well I cant really critique unless you have some audio of those words being sung. That's like judging a poem for a song. If you can't carry a tune I could care less how "great" the lyrics are....sorta like Dave Matthews.
  • Reply 4 of 10
    naderfannaderfan Posts: 156member
    I like the Desert Highway the best, but they all are really good. Are you looking to record and hopefully make an album or is it just for the sake of writing?
  • Reply 5 of 10
    johnqjohnq Posts: 2,763member

    Originally posted by Defiant

    Do you really want critique from us AI'ers? I thought you learned your lesson?

    hehe....biting my tongue...

    Stepdad......whoa.....hehe.....um....ok...huhuh... .
  • Reply 6 of 10
    giantgiant Posts: 6,041member
    I can't hear the music.
  • Reply 7 of 10
    johnqjohnq Posts: 2,763member

    Originally posted by giant

    I can't hear the music.

    Flip ooooopen the leeidayahh on the roooed boxuh

    Enjoy what's insiiiiiide

    But doooooon't get cauuuuuughtarhuh

    Becauuuuuse your step dayuduh got thaaaaat

    For your mooooom on valentoines doiiie.

    I can hear it. You just lack imagination giant.

    I'm thinking it's like "Proud To Be An American" as sung by Billy Joe from Green Day, James Hetfield from Metallica and Spongebob Squarepants.
  • Reply 8 of 10
    a_greera_greer Posts: 4,594member
    not to be rude but stepdad sounds like a chapter form charels mansons journal/manefesto
  • Reply 9 of 10
    messiahtoshmessiahtosh Posts: 1,754member

    Originally posted by a_greer

    not to be rude but stepdad sounds like a chapter form charels mansons journal/manefesto

    Really? Its straight out the noggin.

    Yeah, I'll be making some tunes out these eventually. These are just some of hundreds of lyrics I have written. (Ask brad) haha.
  • Reply 10 of 10
    marklmarkl Posts: 57member
    Rule one of songwriting these days is to address it to someone, like you are talking to them.

    Rule two: include how you feel. If it's just actions and observations then there is nothing people will connect with.

    A song as art, or even popart, has to convey some emotion that the listener can relate to.

    Was stepdad a comedy song? could you give a bit more information about the tracks.
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