Supper with the Stars
The Story of Chester and Supper with the Stars - A Saga
Episode 1 - Who's on first?
I've become obsessed with this website, Supper with the Stars. First spotted it a week or so ago. It's been doing the rounds but for those who haven't come across it, this is the deal:
Except they're neither from Hollywood nor top TV personalities. They're bona fide (British) has-beens who, even at the height of their careers, defied Warhol by only enjoying, at most, eleven and a half minutes of fame. In fact, unless you're getting on a bit and British, or a colonial, chances are you've never heard of any of them. A genuine Who's Who? The blogger writing about it had only heard of a couple of them. I knew half a dozen or so.
So I check it out. A ninety minute visit with your chosen celebrity will set you back between £300 - £5000. Pretty short dinner party if you ask me. There's a list of special requirements and non-negotiable terms which feature as icons on each celebrity's page. The key reveals:
Yeah, I thought the mouth meant something different too. But no, it means they can talk. The games, aaaah! And then the piece de resistance, danger Will Robinson, celebrities with deadly nut allergies ahead. What's the deal with frickin' nut allergies anyway? Nobody had nut allergies when I was a kid. Now every second person on the planet goes into anaphylactic shock if they walk past a packet of cashews.
So onward we go to the stars themselves. The blog had mentioned the band ABC was on the list. Their big hit was Poisoned Arrow which ranks just a few songs below Pilot's January on the list of Most Annoying Pop Songs Ever. The biographical notes say
Really? Coulda fooled me.
Adding? Early Bowie wasn't campy? Roxy Music lacked style? Sorry, who are we talking about again. I'm confused. Alright just tell me what they'll do.
Wow. Colour me underwhelmed. They have no special requirements but they will perform, and they want their cocks sucked. Oh no sorry, that's right, they'll talk. One or more has a deadly nut allergy.
It's gotta get better, right?
Next Episode: Nik Who?
Episode 1 - Who's on first?
I've become obsessed with this website, Supper with the Stars. First spotted it a week or so ago. It's been doing the rounds but for those who haven't come across it, this is the deal:
Quote:
Supper With The Stars is an exciting new service to make your party sparkle with an elusive touch of Hollywood glamour. Imagine having your favourite friends round for dinner. What would really make you party go with a bang? All your guests have arrived, now imagine their surprise when a top TV personality walks in and joins the party!
Supper With The Stars is an exciting new service to make your party sparkle with an elusive touch of Hollywood glamour. Imagine having your favourite friends round for dinner. What would really make you party go with a bang? All your guests have arrived, now imagine their surprise when a top TV personality walks in and joins the party!
Except they're neither from Hollywood nor top TV personalities. They're bona fide (British) has-beens who, even at the height of their careers, defied Warhol by only enjoying, at most, eleven and a half minutes of fame. In fact, unless you're getting on a bit and British, or a colonial, chances are you've never heard of any of them. A genuine Who's Who? The blogger writing about it had only heard of a couple of them. I knew half a dozen or so.
So I check it out. A ninety minute visit with your chosen celebrity will set you back between £300 - £5000. Pretty short dinner party if you ask me. There's a list of special requirements and non-negotiable terms which feature as icons on each celebrity's page. The key reveals:
Yeah, I thought the mouth meant something different too. But no, it means they can talk. The games, aaaah! And then the piece de resistance, danger Will Robinson, celebrities with deadly nut allergies ahead. What's the deal with frickin' nut allergies anyway? Nobody had nut allergies when I was a kid. Now every second person on the planet goes into anaphylactic shock if they walk past a packet of cashews.
So onward we go to the stars themselves. The blog had mentioned the band ABC was on the list. Their big hit was Poisoned Arrow which ranks just a few songs below Pilot's January on the list of Most Annoying Pop Songs Ever. The biographical notes say
Quote:
the British group ABC built upon the detached, synthesized R&B pop of David Bowie and Roxy Music
the British group ABC built upon the detached, synthesized R&B pop of David Bowie and Roxy Music
Really? Coulda fooled me.
Quote:
adding a self-conscious, campy sense of theatrics and style
adding a self-conscious, campy sense of theatrics and style
Adding? Early Bowie wasn't campy? Roxy Music lacked style? Sorry, who are we talking about again. I'm confused. Alright just tell me what they'll do.
Quote:
Repertoire. Martin Fry, Glenn Gregory and Keith Lowndes will come to have dinner and talk through the old days.
Repertoire. Martin Fry, Glenn Gregory and Keith Lowndes will come to have dinner and talk through the old days.
Wow. Colour me underwhelmed. They have no special requirements but they will perform, and they want their cocks sucked. Oh no sorry, that's right, they'll talk. One or more has a deadly nut allergy.
It's gotta get better, right?
Next Episode: Nik Who?
Comments
Originally posted by tonton
I remember ABC but this is pathetic. Thanks for sharing, it's hilarious.
Guess no one ever actually told ABC "how to be a millionaire", so they had to find other ways to earn a buck.
Yes, sad and pathetic in the first degree.
BTW, a word of warning to anyone reading this. Do not preempt my saga. It's my fucking saga, OK. See it says so right at the top of the page. You want a saga, go find your own. You may comment on the artists already discussed but do not mention others and do not, I repeat, do not speculate. Nobody reads my long-winded, verbose posts normally so don't start now if you can't control yourself. I'm in no mood to be trifled with.
Supper with the Stars has taken a lot out of me in the last week and now I need to work through it. As those who know me well will tell you, I'm a delicate little thing. Fragile like a flower or a ripe peach that's easily bruised. You will have the chance to give your input. In the fullness of time. Patience is a virtue. Eventually the plot will thicken.
Thank you. I know I count on you all.
So Chester proceeds to work her way through the list. Next up was Nik Kershaw who she recalled thought it would be good to be in her shoes even if it was for just one day.
Repertoire. Nick will chat about his career at length.
I wonder if Nik would mind if I clean the lint out of my belly button while he talks. I've got a feeling I might get a little snoozey without something to keep me occupied.
Then another Nick. Recognized the name but couldn't remember who Nick Leeson was until I checked his biography. Of course, the dude who ripped off Barings Bank to the tune of squillions.
Repertoire. Nick will tell you his incredible story. He is also a keen poker player and will be happy to play you.
Special Requirements. A deck of cards._
I see.....
By the time I've got through Brotherhood of Man (won the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest with the truly god awful Save Your Kisses for Me), Go West (King of Wishful Thinking from the "Pretty Woman" soundtrack), Gordon Banks (footballer), and Tony Hadley (who I actually thought had something to do with cricket until I looked at his page and discovered he was the lead singer of Spandau Ballet), I'm starting to wonder exactly how much between £300 and £5000 these jokers actually command.
And that's when the idea hit me. Why not contact Supper with the Stars pretending to be a prospective client?
Next episode: Well, why not?
"I'm just your jack-in-the-box, whenever love knocks, I'm going to jump up and down on my spring...."
1971 eurovision song contest entrant, didn't even win!
Well, why not indeed. I start planning. I'll play it pretty straight to begin with. Claim to have always been a huge fan, make a few references to biographical details not included on the site, what an honour it would be to have the celebrity dine with me, racka, racka, racka. I figure given the symbiotic relationship between nutters and celebs (even minor ones) they'll probably be on the look out for weirdos, perverts and axe murderers. Don't want to scare them off before I've had some fun. Then, once I've got them sucked in, I'll start with the slightly eccentric behaviour and gradually ratchet it up to bizarro level.
So I'm hot to trot and put my plan into action. I hit the contact link and this address is displayed:
[email protected]
Oh dear. That's not very convincing. Dark clouds of doubt about the authenticity of Supper with the Stars suddenly appear on the horizon. I go back to the site. I'd already noticed the various spelling mistakes but just put it down to the overall cheesiness of the whole deal. Now it occurs to me that it's a bit odd that there's no mention of management, or the individual or company offering the service. This is not looking good. Is it a joke site? Is it a scam?
So off I go to do a Who Is. Not a lot of info available but I'm informed the domain is registered to one Louisa Loney.
Oh come on!
I'm all but convinced at this point that somebody's having a lend of me. So it's with a heavy heart and little hope that I google Louisa Loney. She pops up on the first page, entry number two. Museum of Hoaxes.
Nooooooooooooooooooo! Say it isn't so. It's just not as funny if it's not real.
Filled with an unbearable sense of sadness and loss, I go to the Museum of Hoaxes.
The concept seems so odd and kind of sad that it's occurred to some people that it might all be a hoax, such as this LiveJournaler who notes that if you try to contact the company you get linked to a Hotmail address, which isn't exactly the sign of a well-established, real company. Trying to track down the company via its domain name info doesn't inspire much confidence either. They don't disclose their address or phone number on the domain name registration. Again, a little odd. What is the company trying to hide? Plus, all the celebrity photos on the site appear to have been simply taken from other sites.
Tell me something I don't know. What's more Brotherhood of Man's bio is lifted word for word from another site.
Then this
However, I did find this BBC article about the founder of the company, a 25-year-old Londoner named Louisa Loney. So I have to assume it's a real company. Maybe Louisa Loney runs it out of her home, which is why she won't disclose any address or contact info. (As an aside, my wife points out that some of the listed 'celebrities' are quite well known in England, such as Gordon Banks who's a legendary football player. I could imagine that sports fans would be excited to have him show up at a party.)
Hope springs eternal! Only thing is, the BBC story seems pretty light on facts. Once upon a time, I would have believed anything the BBC told me but not these days. Hours of fruitless searching have revealed nothing more. Every blogger on the planet and several on other planets have mentioned Supper with the Stars. Most seem to believe it's for real.
But I cannot quell the lingering doubts. Nor can I rest easy until I know the truth. I am condemned, nay compelled, to seek it out. As the days turn into months and the months turn into years, my eyes will take on a haunted look, I will gradually withdraw from the world, propped up in bed, day in, day out, curtains drawn, my face illuminated by the ghostly glow of the PowerBook's display as I aimlessly search Google for clues.
Searching, searching, searching. Always searching............
Here ends the saga of Chester and Supper with the Stars. These notes were found on her PowerBook when police broke into her home after she was reported missing. There was no sign of Chester. Her whereabouts are unknown. Her disappearance remains a mystery.