Incredible Quotables You've Heard In Person

cosmonutcosmonut
Posted:
in AppleOutsider edited January 2014
Let's hear the most hilarious/appalling/sad/etc. quote you've personally heard come out of another person's mouth...and they were saying it in all sincerity.



Mine is from a couple of years ago. I was at a local Wal-mart when a father and his 5ish year old daughter turned a corner from the toy section. The father says to the girl...



"Honey, it's not nice to call someone an idiot...unless they really ARE an idiot."



And some wonder why America is so screwed up.

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 19
    bergzbergz Posts: 1,045member
    Was at a party at a wealthy estate in the hills and some girls (read: college girls) were talking to an Indian (read: from the country, India) and they asked what tribe he was from. I figured it was an off-color (read: pun) joke or they were being intentionally dense. But when he said that he was from India one said petulantly, "Yeah, I know! But seriously, what tribe?"







    --B
  • Reply 2 of 19
    ebbyebby Posts: 3,110member
    I was at Safeway a few months ago and this guy comes up behind me in the check-out line. He unloads his basket of 20 cans of cat food and two bottles of wine.



    I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "You forgot the crackers."



    We both had a good laugh out of that.
  • Reply 3 of 19
    skatmanskatman Posts: 609member
    "You're using my stuff to look cool!"
  • Reply 4 of 19
    e1618978e1618978 Posts: 6,075member
    From a redneck co-worker: "I take the long road around Chapel Hill, you know that they love gays there"
  • Reply 5 of 19
    ricksbrainricksbrain Posts: 517member
    At McDonald's around 2000, this woman bounds up to the counter with 3/4 of a large fry eaten and demands her money back because they fries are cold. When they told her she wouldn't get her money back, but that they'd give her a brand new large fry, she starts shouting,"I pay my taxes! I pay my TAXES!"



    No one really knew what to say. "Um...yes, sweetie, you do. Here's a Xanax..."
  • Reply 6 of 19
    hegorhegor Posts: 160member
    I used to manage a toy store that specialized in preschool toys.



    We had a play table where kids could play with Brio and Thomas trains. This one child hit another child to make him let go of a train that he wanted. The father walked over and spanked his offending son really hard and then said..............







    "We don't hit"!!!!
  • Reply 7 of 19
    e1618978e1618978 Posts: 6,075member
    In a grocery store I saw a drunk dad tell his 7 year old son "if you do that again I will kill you". And I could tell that both father and son knew he was serious.



    I was in shock the rest of the day.
  • Reply 8 of 19
    cakecake Posts: 1,010member
    I was telling this very patriotic Taiwanese woman that I work with that I put some Samsung hard drives in my TiVo and she says:

    "Samsung. They're Korean - never trust Koreans."

    \
  • Reply 9 of 19
    alex_kacalex_kac Posts: 58member
    Some of this stuff is truly pretty incredible. For the rest, its incredible that some people consider the content to be incredible.
  • Reply 10 of 19
    dogcowdogcow Posts: 713member
    Some time ago I was with my friends walking around the city at about 1:30am. A guy in his 20s stumbled out of a bar and walked across the street toward us. As he turned to walk down the sidewalk he tripped over a pile of box that were stacked on the curb. After he tripped, he just screamed out "FUCKING BOXES" and kicked the pile for boxes for good measure.



    We followed behind him as he walked down the road. He stopped at a pay phone on the side of a building. He dropped in a quarter and called his cell phone. The number registered on his phone and he hung up and walked about 30 feet down the street and called it. A woman, a little confused, picked up the pay phone. The only thing the guy on the cell phone was, "You're shirt is making me horny" and then hung up. The woman had no idea who was calling the phone and me and my friends were just watching this whole thing unfold.
  • Reply 11 of 19
    buonrottobuonrotto Posts: 6,368member
    This quote is thirdhand, but my friend parked at King's Dominion (amusement park) and was walking to the main gate when the white trash family in front of him were acting up. One of the kids starts to throw a tantrum, and the mother, having her fill from the car ride and long walk through the parking lot, turns around and screams, Look, we're gonna have fun, God dammit!"
  • Reply 12 of 19
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    It's the asscrack of July in central Texas; the temperature is pushing 105 and the humidity is pushing 80%. No clouds. No shade.



    The wife (then girlfriend) and I are sitting in a shuttle moving towards campus when it stops and lets in two high-school age black youth, both drenched in sweat like the rest of us. The first one with a giant, glistening-with-sweat afro and loud red shirt shouts over to the other one (3 or 4 feet away), "Damn, son, I feel like I got my head up in someone's mouth!"



    The entire front half of the bus was howling, and the young man was quite happy with himself for the remainder of the trip.
  • Reply 13 of 19
    thuh freakthuh freak Posts: 2,664member
    i overheard my friends talking.



    friend 1: What day is tomorrow?

    friend 2: Well, Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

    friend 1: Yea, but what day is tomorrow?

    friend 2: The day after.
  • Reply 14 of 19
    splinemodelsplinemodel Posts: 7,311member
    When talking about a chick with potential who unfortunately has a boyfriend:



    "Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score."
  • Reply 15 of 19
    magicfingersmagicfingers Posts: 703member
    this will get someone riled up for sure. I will try to be brief...

    As I pulled into a friends driveway 15 years ago, there was a cat freaking out and jumping 10 feet in the air, and another cat approaching it. I thought WTF. I found my friend at the side door with a shotgun. He had just grazed the first cat with a blast. He then says to me "I am facing the biggest dilemma of my life. I have one shell left, do i blow the dancing cat off the face of the earth , or do I have two dancing cats?" I had no answer, so he went for two dancers. The second cat didn't fare as well as the first. He was left with one dancing cat.



    BTW, the sounds that the dancing cat was making still haunts me from time to time....
  • Reply 16 of 19
    audiopollutionaudiopollution Posts: 3,226member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by MagicFingers

    this will get someone riled up for sure. I will try to be brief...

    As I pulled into a friends driveway 15 years ago, there was a cat freaking out and jumping 10 feet in the air, and another cat approaching it. I thought WTF. I found my friend at the side door with a shotgun. He had just grazed the first cat with a blast. He then says to me "I am facing the biggest dilemma of my life. I have one shell left, do i blow the dancing cat off the face of the earth , or do I have two dancing cats?" I had no answer, so he went for two dancers. The second cat didn't fare as well as the first. He was left with one dancing cat.



    BTW, the sounds that the dancing cat was making still haunts me from time to time....







    Your friend is a sick fuck. I am genuinely worse off for having read that story.
  • Reply 17 of 19
    magicfingersmagicfingers Posts: 703member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by audiopollution





    Your friend is a sick fuck. I am genuinely worse off for having read that story.



    we were friends growing up, he was always abusing animals. He was abused by his parents also.

    I like animals, and his treatment always pissed me off. Since he moved to Florida way back in the late 80's we have only talked twice, he called me both times.

    But the quote from him is still priceless.
  • Reply 18 of 19
    tomjtomj Posts: 120member
    dumb chick in english class "it was a one night stand, i gave him my number." I was just like "sorry honey, it was a one-nighter"
  • Reply 19 of 19
    alex londonalex london Posts: 613member
    I don't like national stereotypes so I was disappointed when a German girl that was over visiting a mutual friend here complained about us being silly in a pub. We explained that we were just having a laugh, we got a blank look, " You know, humour? "

    " I don't like humour" came the stern-faced reply.

    I'm afraid we wet ourselves.
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