Man Cuts Thumbs in Half for iPhone

in iPhone edited January 2014

Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."

"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," explains Martel. "Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

"This is really, on the edge sort of stuff," explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. "We're turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency."

The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel's new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift "pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery - though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise."



  • Reply 1 of 3
    MarvinMarvin Posts: 14,209moderator
    Ah Little Tom Thumb or should I say Little Thumb Tom:

    I don't know why they bother with these stories if they don't show pictures. We wanna see pics of the freakish giant with the effeminate thumbs.

    For anyone interested, here's what the opposite looks like:

    An effeminate woman with massive thumbs. That's Uma Thurman from Even Cowgirls get the Blues.
  • Reply 2 of 3
    pbg4 dudepbg4 dude Posts: 1,611member
    Originally Posted by Marvin View Post

    An effeminate woman with massive thumbs. That's Uma Thurman from Even Cowgirls get the Blues.

    Cool! Another Tom Robbins fan!
  • Reply 3 of 3
    Originally Posted by Duddits View Post

    Thomas Martel ... had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."

    This is a hoax. See here:

    Editor's Note

    [quoting from the North Denver News]

    Written by Guerin Lee Green, North Denver News

    Saturday, 11 August 2007

    Strangely, while many readers have grasped that "Surgically alters thumbs" represents satirical social commentary, many on the internet, alas, have not.

    Careful reading of the piece makes it clear to any critical consumer of information that the piece is pure humor and not news or reported as fact.

    Among the points of the piece: that U.S. society accepts plastic surgery and decorative deformation of the human body for vanity, but not other reasons (consider the Bonds steroid stories); that technology has become a new cult phenomena, in which items are praised or ridiculed based upon tribal allegiances instead of functionality and performance (and we are members of the Cult of the Mac- iPhone division); and we like to pretend that some of our writers have a sense of humor.

    For those who have "debunked" the HUMOR piece, thanks for pointing out that there are no muscles in the thumbs, and that the timeline from iPod release to successful surgery is pure fantasy. Also "whittling"?!?! Come on, pollexplasty, from the Latin for thumb, pollex, perhaps, but not whittling!!

    Additionally, many commentators have derided Mr. Martel for stupidity first and foremost, which may indicate something about their credulity. In an era when fake news, like Paris Hilton, has crowded out real news and public debate, the lesson is that skeptical consumption of information, whether from the North Denver News, the New York Times, or the National Review, is a must.

    By the way, for odd skeptics, the North Denver News is a monthly community newspaper serving Northwest Denver, with about 35,000 readers. The North Denver News is entering our sixth year of publication, and along with our sister paper, The Cherry Creek News, are the largest community news presence in Denver. Our web presence, which features stories from the paper as well as other news, satire and commentary, is updated several times weekly, and will do about a million page views in calendar 2007.

    FYI, there is no Thomas Martel (aka Tommy the Hammer) or Dr. Ben Fox Spars. The Fox of course, is reference to Fox News (aka Faux News). James Benfly is fictive as well, the nom de plume of one of our writers. And thanks to Franz Kafka, who must be smiling upon this whole episode.

    [end of quoted material]

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