Mix '08 - The Ballmer Report!

in General Discussion edited January 2014
Mix'n up the Truth!

So I'm on stage at Mix'08 to be "interviewed", when out pops the iTard of the ages: Guy How's-ya-Saki, comes trotting out!

Ohhhhh! I hate this guy Guy! In the old days he used to clean our clocks and deride Windows to the Nth degree! ...And now he's up here on a stage with ME? (Somebody is gonna' get fired when this is over!)

How's-ya-Saki, came out swinging! But I gave as good as I got or better!

How's-ya-Saki: Mr. Ballmer, it's goooood to be wit 'cha today!

Ballmer: I wish I could say the same guy. (crowd laughs - I scored first)

How's-ya-Saki: Well, let's get right to it! How about that Google? (he's trying to get me angry)

Ballmer: We're in the game, and we're the little engine that could, just working away, working away, working away! In online, yeah, it's Google, Google, Google. I'd say we're the underdog. (the crowd aplauds)

How's-ya-Saki: What about Web Developers sir?

Ballmer: You want some love right here, right now? You want me to stand up and do that on the MIX stage?" (I screamed loudly, standing to cheers and pumping his fists) "You want to hear Web developers, Web developers, Web developers!" (I got a standing ovation then)

How's-ya-Saki: Well, (squirming in chair) Vista's a dog and yah don't got Yahoo! What 'cha gonna' dooooo? (the crowd boos)

Ballmer: (motioning for the crowd to calm down) If Vista's a dog, then it's a cross between a Great-Dane and a Timber Wolf! (applause) ... and the Yahoo thing is like being Bill Clinton on a date: one way or another, you are gonna have your way with 'em! (crowds laughs)

This was going really well! Seeing How's-ya-saki's MacBook HotAir on the coffee table (not a surface) between us, I grabbed it and fell to the floor like it was so heavy it dragged me down.

Ballmer: That thing is heavier than the Toshiba I use! It's missing half the features I need. Where's the DVD drive? I'll have a bake-off with my 'Tosh' and that thing backstage. (the crowd was laughing hysterically!)

Ballmer: I'll bet this thing can fly like a frisbee!

How's-ya-Saki: (lunging towards me, but tackled by my BlackWater guy) NOOOOOOOOO!

I then slung that thing just like a Frisbee out over the audience!

DANG! It's aerodynamic! It zipped a good 500' before hitting the rear concrete wall and exploding!

Upon seeing this the crowd was frenzied and started chanting: "BALLMAH! BALLMAH! BALLMAH! BALLMAH! ...."

I looked down at Guy What's-his-Saki, he was in a fetal position sobbing uncontrollablly, so I said to him: "Interview's over guy!"

I then jogged off the stage doing mi Ali air-punches!


btw: When giving an interview, It always helps to make sure that 90% of the audience works for you.
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