When does it become cheating?
Those with experience in long-tern relationships may be best suited to answer this, but everyone?s ideas are welcome. Here is the question: If you are in a committed relationship, what activities or feelings involving another person put you over the line? Does there need to be physical contact for it to be cheating or does sharing feelings beyond friendship constitute cheating? Can a second close relationship without intimate contact actually be a healthy thing?
Comments
Can a second close relationship without intimate contact actually be a healthy thing?
Yes-- but not if you harbor any hidden romantic feelings for that person while with another.
What is your promise worth?
Chastise thy passions that they avenge not themselves upon thee.
--Epictetus
I'd invoke the Clinton rule: Oral sex isn't sex.
Watch it -- Schwarzenegger will have his attorneys on you for plagiarism!
I'd invoke the Clinton rule: Oral sex isn't sex.
Or the state rule.
But the thing to remember, for each party, is... it doesn't means squat what you think is alright, if it violates what your partner thinks is. Talk it out, figure it out, preferably before it becomes an issue.
The thing to remember is... no one defines what constitutes cheating on their part... their partner does. . . . Talk it out, figure it out, preferably before it becomes an issue.
I believe this is right on. I'd add, discuss it before taking vows. You may be in love with someone who holds values you cannot live with. It's better to part company early in such a case.
Jealousy is usually the problem. How much freedom do you need? Personally I have a close, yet completely non-romantic, relationship with my wife's boss who also happens to be a younger woman. We have common interests that we share. It could raise eyebrows, but causes no problem. I would find it difficult being married to woman who would not accept a relationship of this kind.
We sometimes may think too that we are modern and should be above the traditional moral values that have been passed down. Some try relationships that are counter to society's idea of what is correct, and these seem to work in some cases. But if we look back in history far enough, at times having multiple wives was rather common. I haven't seen any historic evidence that this practice was ever condemned, even in the Bible. The strongest language I found is that it really wasn't meant to be this way in the beginning.
So, monogamy is more of a modern rule than allowing multiple spouses. I imagine the most important ingredient of any marriage is loving and caring for each other, and acceptance of each other.
I use the area code rule.
The zip code and area code rule are tough in the NYC area. Lots of zips and area code.
You are an animal. We are all biological machines, and as much as we rationalize our feelings, desires, and motivations, what we really want to do (until a certain age) is have sex and spread the love. You can keep your penis in your pants, but it is infinitely harder to keep your instincts in your pants.
Simple maxim:
If you wouldn't tell her about a relationship with another woman, that relationship is in violation of the agreement you have with woman #1.
It starts in your mind. If you are having lustful thoughts, you're already over the line. Also, be careful about the term 'relationships' -- animals have 'relationships' -- humans tend to make vows and promises that set those off as unique.
What is your promise worth?
rather conviently that makes everyone adulterating sinnrz.
does your wife know you cheated on her with that flagellum?
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/...e-not-war.html
about a close relative of ours, the bonobo. They are a very peaceful cooperating species, that really don't fight. They are social animals, and have an abundant supply of the resources they need - to the point that there is no competition for survival.
However, they are tribal - but with one difference - upon meeting new tribes of their own kind, they do not seek to defend territory, or establish dominance over mates - their cooperation and peacefulness is secured by one thing.
Upon new contact, the females initiate sex with the new males and this is accepted as the social norm and guarantees their peaceful survival.
Those with experience in long-tern relationships may be best suited to answer this, but everyone’s ideas are welcome. Here is the question: If you are in a committed relationship, what activities or feelings involving another person put you over the line? Does there need to be physical contact for it to be cheating or does sharing feelings beyond friendship constitute cheating? Can a second close relationship without intimate contact actually be a healthy thing?
From one point of view, it's not cheating unless you're married. Other than the tax code, there aren't really any other stipulations for the secular marriage institution.
Those with experience in long-tern relationships may be best suited to answer this, but everyone?s ideas are welcome. Here is the question: If you are in a committed relationship, what activities or feelings involving another person put you over the line? Does there need to be physical contact for it to be cheating or does sharing feelings beyond friendship constitute cheating? Can a second close relationship without intimate contact actually be a healthy thing?
It's not cheating if you don't caught!
It's not cheating if you don't caught!
haha.
more like... it's not sudden death if you don't get caught.
Anyways -
You can't control emotions, but you can control actions. You can't be held responsible for "emotional cheating", but you can be held responsible for "physical cheating".
While I don't believe that emotions/love/whatevva is finite, I do believe that time and energy are. Time and energy you put into a relationship that isn't your primary one is problematic in most situations.
Like I said, talk to your partner, figure it out for yourselves.